Angels Among Us

Of course after my recent rantings and ravings about how hard Christmases have become, I have to admit that this was honestly the best Christmas that we've had in the nearly 4 years since we've received our IF diagnosis. Not only did I not bawl through the entire Christmas Eve service, but I barely shed a tear (only through the silent prayer time). I was pretty proud of myself...

Santa was also very good to us this year - in more ways than one! We got some nice new clothes, a Swivel Sweeper, some Le Creuset enameled pots (yay!), and quite a few gift cards and money! G also got me a beautiful blue ring, his birth stone! I definitely feel very blessed and extremely spoiled!

But that's not even the best or most amazing part of my Christmas. It seems that yes, Teri, there IS a Santa Claus! Two days before Christmas, I went out to my mailbox and discovered a nice little stack of Christmas cards amongst all the junk mail. One stuck out to me, however, because it was addressed only to me (and not to G as well). I immediately tore into it and could not believe what I saw...It said "Teri - Thank you for keeping the Christmas spirit alive. May all your wishes come true in 2010 ~Santa" and tucked inside were FIVE $100 bills!?!?!?! There was no return address & I don't personally know anyone who lives in the city where it was postmarked...we put a little extra in the plate at church on Christmas Eve and put the rest into the savings account, most likely to help pay for our FET in Feb-Mar & the unexpected property tax bill that we just got. Once we get our tax return back, we will definitely be paying it forward. This is one of those things you hear about in the movies and think it never really happens to "real" people. I am STILL in disbelief.

Random act of Christmas kindness from a stranger? Or a loved one showering us with anonymous (and tricky) blessings? We'll never know...all I know is that there really IS a Santa Claus!!!

bad, bad blogger

Every time I think I'm going to do better with blogging, something else comes up. Combining work with cheerleading has been rough! I did want to type a quick post about the holidays though. I absolutely love Christmas! I love everything about it...I love the music, I love decorating, I love buying presents, I love the foods & smells, I love wrapping presents, the whole nine yards. Yet every year, I feel emptier and emptier...and I don't know how much longer I can do Christmases like this.

This is our 9th Christmas together as a couple, 6th as a married couple & 5th since we've started TTC. And every year hurts more than the previous. I bawl through Christmas eve service at church every single year....because let's face it, Christmas IS all about a baby. And knowing that I should've been big & fat & 5 months pg right now makes this Christmas especially painful.

And then there's my extended family...

I was talking online w/ my mom just now about how frustrated I am with my side of the family at Christmas. Every year for the past 7 years or so, I attempt to arrange some type of gift exchange and it's always met with a wishy-washy blah response. No one ever wants to commit to anything, despite me giving a bunch of different suggestions. (Elfster Pollyanna, Gift Card exchange, White Elephant, etc) At first I thought maybe it's just me and I'm overly sensitive because I love Christmas SO much and maybe some people aren't AS enthused as me. Ok. Fine. But after giving all these suggestions my aunt (whom I DO love) has found something wrong with every single one of them and keeps pushing the game that she wants to do, which I hate (bring a wrapped gift for yourself, everyone unwraps a gift & tries to decide who it belongs to...isn't the point of Christmas in GIVING?) Games like that, to me, make it just like any other game/any other holiday...we might as well sit around and play scrabble, you know? I want to buy something for someone else, not myself!

Then I started talking to DH about it and I ended up breaking down, crying because my family Christmas is supposed to be my "safe" place. There are no young kids (the youngest of the grandkids is 19 - I'm the one expected to have the babies at this point)...I guess maybe that's why there's no Christmas spirit. DH's family party is fun, but very, very hard for me. G has 8 brothers & sisters who combined have 10 children...4 of whom have been born in the time that we've been TTC, and another is on the way. We were supposed to have baby #7 & they're already on #11. DH gets it...he just held me as I cried and said he understood when I explained what I meant by my "safe Christmas" with my family...and he agreed that my extended family party is lame, except when we're hanging out with my 19 yr old cousin who is so much fun!

I guess what I'm asking is for my family to prove to me that Christmas can be a special time whether you are a child or not...or whether you HAVE a child or not. Thank God for my mom - she basically sent out an ultimatum email asking everyone to put in their two cents since time is running out...she apologized that their house won't be decorated, but I assured her that decorations do not make Christmas...joy, hope and giving do!

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a blessed 2010! May you find joy through your struggles & hope in the promise of the Lord!

Black Saturday?

Every year, my mom and I usually brave the crowds (albeit later in the day) on Black Friday in search of great deals. It's amazing how no one is out and about anymore around 10AM! Because of our Thanksgiving schedule this year, we ended up going on Saturday, but I think we did just as well! I did a great deal of gift card shopping (from cards that I've earned as rewards on survey & shopping sites) and there were amazing sales to be had!

I ended up getting 6 shirts (4 kids, 2 adults) at Old Navy for $27, all of which I paid for with a gift card, so that was bargain shopping with a bonus!

I got 3 shirts and a sweater at Penney's, also using a gift card and their sale, spending only $30 out of pocket (that's less than the value of the sweater alone!).

I got a pair of pants and a pair of shoes at Ross (ok those were for myself and NOT Christmas presents), valued at $70 for $22!

And best of all, my mom got to see me in action at Rite-Aid! After a mad search for the store based on internet directions (and deciding that it must have gone out of business only to find it an hour later!), we finally found the store right before lunch! I only went in with single-check rebate/sale/coupon items in mind! If I can post a pic later of my goodies, I definitely will! I bought 1 Herbal Essences Shampoo, 1 Wet-Ones wipes canister, 1 Oral B toothbrush, 1 Scope Mouthwash, 1 bottle of store brand Centrum, 1 box Tampax tampons & 2 bottles of Suave body wash...by combining my coupons with store sales, my $5/$25 Rite-Aid printable coupon, plus a $10 savings certificate that I earned in their Fall Rewards program, I ended up paying $.28 out of pocket! Combine that with the $10 I'll be receiving back in Single Check Rebates & I made out with $36 worth of products PLUS a $9.72 profit AND I qualified for another $5 savings certificate! My mom thought I was incredible! :)

Ten Things Tuesday

This week of Thanksgiving always reminds us that we have much to be thankful for...

10. I'm very thankful to have a job...while my boss sometimes frustrates me and the kids sometimes frustrate me and the pay ALWAYS frustrates me, I know that I have something that other people wish they had.

9. I'm thankful for my family - they are so supportive of all our endeavors and in every way they can be.

8. I am thankful for my health. Although the last few weeks have been rough (I've had a cough and haven't been able to hear due to fluid in my ears), I know that my struggles are trivial at best, when compared to the struggles people have daily.

7. I am thankful for my friends...both near, far, internet pals and real-life confidants. They've gotten me through some rough patches.

6. I am thankful for life. After our terrible accident, we see just how fragile it is.

5. I am thankful for my furbaby, Faithy. She keeps me company and shows me she loves me (and I think she knows I need that!!)

4. I'm thankful for our home. We did some painting over the weekend and it looks so awesome! I'm so thankful for all of G's hard work!

3. I'm thankful for my church...although we've only attended once since we did our IVF cycle, some friends from the church continue to reach out and pray for us. We're not in the best of places with God right now (and the holidays always make that harder), but I know this is just a season and our hearts are taking lots of time to heal.

2. I'm thankful that we're never in want of the things we need. While there's always more that we want, we certainly cannot complain!

1. Finally, I am thankful for G. He has been my rock over these past few months. When we had our miscarriage, I know that he was grieving too, but he was my constant and was so strong for the both of us! I thank God everyday for him!

Little update

Just thought I would pop in with a little update. I went for my RPL screening yesterday after work. I got there & sat down and got an eyeful of all the vials that the phlebotomist needed to fill for me. After what I thought was a few vials, I told her that I was feeling really dizzy. Before I knew it, I heard the phlebotomist calling for help, there were smelling salts under my nose, a straw with apple juice being shoved in my mouth, an ice pack on my head & and four nurses/phlebotomists/office workers surrounding me! The doctor came in and told me that I was even paler than normal (which is about as ghostly as they come!).

The worst part was, they hadn't finished before I had passed out and I had to go lie down for the other three vials from the other arm! When all was said and done, I had given 13 vials and definitely discovered the hard way why people of my stature are not allowed to donate blood!

Results should be in in about a week...

Muddling through Monday

Today just seemed like one of those days that I muddled through. I have been sick for over a week now. Despite going to the doctor and getting a diagnosis of "Eustachian tube dysfunction" I've gotten no relief from my Sudafed and Flonase. I woke up in the middle of the night last night hacking and coughing, only to wake G up. I took some cough medicine and went to sleep in another room, which made me purely exhausted today! And to top it all off, the doctor told me that if it continues to happen (where my ears aren't draining properly), I might have to get tubes in them (for the fourth time!)! I can't imagine doing that as an adult...but a couple days off of work wouldn't be so bad...

After work, I went to visit my friend (fellow-infertile) Kelli & help out with her twins (8wk old!). They are adorable and oh-so-sweet! It was good to get my baby fix (and no, I'm not germy and contagious...just some sort of nasally drip making me cough)!

I also called to make an appt. to have my RPL screenings done on Wednesday & I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! Yay!

Since I've got the next 2 weeks off of cheerleading, I'll most likely be trying out a few new recipes! Tonight, I typed "what can I make with 2 chicken breasts?" into google & came up with this recipe, which we both gave two thumbs up!

Dijon Chicken

3 boneless, skinless breasts (I used 2)
1/2 cup butter, melted (I used 1/2 stick and had more than enough!)
1/2 tbsp dijon mustard
1/2 tbsp worcestershire
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/8 cup parmesan cheese

Combine butter, mustard, worcestershire and garlic.
Combine bread crumbs and parmesan in a dish.
Dip chicken in butter mixture, then crumbs. Bake 375° 45 minutes. (I pounded my chicken on the thinner side & only baked for 25 minutes!)

I served the chicken with mashed potato pancakes (made with last night's mashed potatoes). I simply mixed the potatoes with an egg & dropped them by the tablespoonful into a hot skillet until they were brown and crisp on both sides! Don't make them much bigger than a tablespoon or they will fall apart as you're turning them!

I'll keep you posted about the results of my RPL...please pray...

Friday Funny

It's no secret that 3-year-olds aren't my favorite age group...but sometimes, you've gotta laugh at the things they say and do in their attempts to make sense of this crazy world.

Yesterday, one of my kiddos was taking too long in the bathroom, so I went to check on her. I found her standing there with her tights still down around her ankles, her dress hiked up around her waist, staring into the toilet at her #2. When I told her she needed to move a little quicker, she said, "Mrs. S...come look at the mermaid I made!"

sorry, sorry, sorry

I know I've been a horrible blogger and a horrible bloggy friend - please forgive me! I'm going to try to get back on the weekly post bandwagon! In my defense, I've been trying harder to be more diligent in tasks in the house and in working out, so obviously something's gotta give! I've got a 2 week break from cheerleading coming up, so hopefully that will help things! And then we've got competitions, basketball cheering & Christmas coming and it's all downhill from there!

G told me I had to get online and blog about my coupon savings this week...I think this may very well be one of my best trips ever! I went to Rite-Aid specifically to redeem a few coupons...little did I know how well I would do!

I got Tide detergent (50 oz), Cascade action packs, Kashi GoLean Crunch, Listerine Smart Agent Rinse & a can of cream of chicken soup (a $28 value) for........

$.75!!!

Yes, really...ok, so maybe I'm the only nerd who gets a high from that! :)

Here's how I did it....

• Kashi was on sale for $2.49 this week...Rite-Aid had a $.50 coupon in their flyer, and I had a $2 off coupon that came with a Kashi free sample! That gave me a $.01 overage! I also have 3 more coupons for $1.50 off each box, but I could only use one of the Rite-Aid coupons at a time, so I'll have to go back later in the week!
• The Tide was on sale for $5.99 this week!
• The Cascade action packs were on sale for $2.99!
• The cream of chicken soup (store brand) was on sale for $.79!
• The Listerine Smart Agent rinse was on sale for $3.99; I had a $1 off coupon from the Sunday paper (a while ago) and a $2 off coupon from the Rite-Aid Oral Care coupon booklet, making it just $.99!
• Finally, I had a $10 off coupon for purchasing $50 worth of Zyrtec products over the past few months (which I really only ended up spending about $25 on!)
  

Find out how others do the same at Deal Seeking Mom

Wishing I had more time

Now is always the time of the year where I start wishing (and continue wishing for the next two months) that there were more hours in a day. I just can't squeeze in everything that I want to do! Be it at home, at school, WHEREVER, I just can never seem to get caught up! I sat down at school today and tried to map out my plans through December to at least figure out what letters I will be covering and when our holiday programs will fit in, etc. It reminded me how quickly these next two months will go at school, so I definitely can't waste any time!!! So much to do! So little time!

For those of you who are still hanging in there with me after my extended hiatus, I guess I should update you on my follow-up with the RE. According to him (and I'm not taking this as gospel at this point), my miscarriage was caused, again, by poor egg quality. So I can't even win with a donor :( I've been nervous about calling B to let her know because I know she'll feel bad about the situation (even though it's absolutely not her fault). So I've kind of been putting it off for a few weeks now.

Thanks for all your words of concern from our accident. Things are slowly starting to come together & my car should be fixed by the end of the month, at the latest. Thank God for insurance, since we don't happen to have $4000 just lying around! No word yet on whether or not the drunk driver had insurance, though :(

Wow, craziness

As you know, I haven't written in a while because I've been incredibly busy with work and coaching cheerleading....and also because I've been horribly mad at God.

Well, this weekend was a wake-up call. We were in Philly for our niece's 5th birthday party & we left her house a little before 9. We were sitting at a red light. We heard a huge crack like a bomb went off & I looked up at G & I screamed because I saw the car beside us hit into G's side of the car. We immediately heard ppl saying to call 911 (I hadn't yet realized the extent of what had happened), so G & I stayed in the car to call 911 & then got out. We saw about 7 cars involved. A truck had flipped and a guy was partially pinned under it. And there was a small red car that had been very badly mangled. We didn't know what to do (G can't stand the sight of blood and I was too shaken up to do anything but stand there and shake). They got the guy out from under the truck and realized that he was majorly drunk, hadn't been wearing his seatbelt & there was a big hole in his windshield where his head had hit it. Apparently, he clipped a car that was in our lane, but back a ways. Instead of putting on his brakes, he gunned it and plowed right into the red car (the mangled one), and then hit into the other red car, which ran into us. When they asked him if he had been drinking, he stumbled around and said "just a little."

But this story just keeps getting better. People noticed a carseat in the back of the drunk man's truck, so they immediately began asking him if he had a baby with him. He said he had an 11 month old, but it was no where to be found. Finally, they got it out of him that he didn't have the baby with him. He had left him/her at home.....ALONE. In this case, I think bad parenting saved that child's life because the car seat wasn't installed properly and was hanging out of the window. That baby would have been dead.

We ended up staying at the scene until after 11PM. They had to tow my car, but they couldn't call the tow service in right away because they had CSI ppl there taking a million pictures and using spray paint to mark exactly where everything was in case the passenger in the car dies & the drunken idiot gets pressed with vehicular manslaughter (as he should).

Luckily, G's parents had left the party just before us & were headed down to the shore, so we called them right away & they came to wait with us & then took us to the shore with them for the night. We drove back (in their car) today and will borrow it until we figure out what is going on.

Here is the news story associated w/ our accident:
http://www.phillyburbs.com/news/local/courier_times/courier_times_news_details/article/28/2009/october/11/multi-vehicle-crash-on-route-1-baby-found-home-alone.html

Thanks for your prayers...this was definitely a wake-up call to us...we KNOW someone is watching out for us

the drunkard's truck (look closely out the window & you can see the car seat)

this is the drunkard's truck again to see how close it was to our car

this is the the damage that the truck did to the car that hit us

and this is the car that got the worst of it - we're not sure if the passenger survived...

A product review: Burt's Bees Skin Care

I realize that this isn't the kind of update that most of you have been waiting for from me (sorry I've still been gone, there honestly hasn't been much to say and I'm still fending off the blues at times). I promise that next week, after my follow-up with the doctor (Thursday), I will post an update and let you all know what's going on.

Instead, I'm going to post about my newest product trial, Burt's Bees Skin Care line. We all know & love their lip balms, so I was really excited to be able to give the skin care products a try.

I have very sensitive, acne prone skin, which is a terrible combination. Most products used to treat acne are too harsh on sensitive skin & vice versa with sensitive skin products. I was really excited to read that these products were all natural. In my test kit, I received the face wash (liquid) and blemish spot treatment. Both have a licorice-y smell (especially the spot treatment product), which is a bit overpowering at first, but goes away after it's been on a while. You probably wouldn't want to put the spot treatment on in the morning anyway, but it's perfectly fine for bed time.

I can happily say that both products have really changed the quality of my skin over the past month! The redness has subsided & any blemishes seem to go away more quickly than usual. The only draw-back for me is the price ($9 and up per product), but I honestly only use a little bit at a time. After one month's usage, I've barely used 1/4 bottle from each product, so even that's not bad. I'm hoping to find some coupons so that I can continue using this product.

If you would like to review products & make a Bzzz about them, check out Bzzagent.com or comment with your email address (don't worry, I won't publish it) and I'll send you a referral email! :) If you would like to try the spot treatment, let me know and I can mail an sample vial out to you (only have a couple left!)

I'm back

Well - I'm creeping back out into the real world. Thank you all for your kind comments and emails through this tough time. I guess you could say I'm still in recovery mode. Most of the time I'm "fine" (in a relative sense of the word) but then I hear a song on the radio (Miley Cyrus's the Climb is the WORST) and I completely lose it...baby steps, baby steps (even saying that makes me cringe...maybe I should say itty-bitty steps, itty-bitty steps).

In other news, I have an appointment set up for a phone consultation with the RE on October 1st. I am very much looking forward to this. I already have a plan of action in my head, so I'm really hoping that the doctor agrees with my line of thinking..

And because I really don't have anything else to post about (other than the impending doom that is the first day of school tomorrow), I'll do a MPM for the week...

Monday - Labor Day - burgers on the grill & homemade baked potato chips (modified this recipe)
Tuesday - Haluski (with cabbage) w/ my bloggy buddy Candi's spaetzle
Wednesday - Wing night for G, so leftovers for me
Thursday - Chicken Pot Pie using leftover chicken from the chicken noodle soup I made over the weekend
Friday - Something on the run before G's football game

Chicken Pot Pie recipe (from my friend Ruthie):
Sautee chopped onions, carrots & celery in olive oil. Sprinkle 2-3 Tbsp. flour over veggies and add 1 can of chicken broth (add peas, corn, etc if desired). Bring to a boil until it thickens. Add 2 cups of cooked cubed potatoes and bite-sized pieces of cooked chicken. Pour into pie crust & put the second crust on top (poke holes w/ a fork). Bake @ 350 until crust is golden brown and the inside bubbles up!

Where do we go from here?

I officially started miscarrying last night. How do you pick up and move on when the one true shot you ever thought you had at being a mother is literally going down the toilet?

How do I keep going through the motions this week knowing full well that if I peed on a pregnancy test, "Pregnant" would still pop up before my eyes in a matter of seconds?

How do you get on with the rest of your life?

How do you have hope for the future?

How can you go on believing that there really is a God and that your life has any significance to Him when life's events blatantly point out that He could care less?

How could a God who supposedly loves us so much sit by and watch our hearts being broken and simply call it part of "His plan"?

How will I ever believe again that there is power in prayer when we literally had hundreds of people praying for us each and every step of the way, and for what? Breathing the ceremonial sigh of relief only to have the rug swiftly pulled out from under us.

How can I have faith that our last chance at ever becoming biological parents (at least for one of us) will actually work?

How long will it take for me to get through a day without crying and thinking about what could have been, what should have been?

Why do I get no comfort in knowing that I now have TWO angel-babies in heaven instead of here with me?

It's all over...

It's all over...u/s today confirmed the "mass" was the same size or smaller than what they saw three days ago. And our other m/c was exactly two years ago yesterday. I just have no words anymore.

so scared

Things aren't looking so good and I'm unbelievably scared and can't stop crying. I went for ultrasound & bloodwork today. The results of the ultrasound were inconclusive (which I later found out should have been expected due to being so early), as the RE basically saw nothing except something which "may or may not be a gestational sac." So now, we have to wait again until Friday to see what happens. As if I haven't already been tortured enough, my hcg levels still went up according to the bloodwork today, but they didn't double nearly as well as they should have based on last week's doubling rate. A week ago, my level was 241 (quadrupled from original beta) and now it has just barely doubled in an entire week (560). That's just.not.good.

Please pray...
Matthew 6:25-34

Torturing myself

This week has, in my opinion, been far more torturous than all the previous weeks in this IVF cycle combined. The week after the retrieval was kind of aggravating, but I knew the wait was worth it so that we could transfer the embryos that were the "best of the best." The week after transfer was annoying as I analyzed every little twist and turn I made with my body, wondering "Did I just lift something too heavy or make a turn that could harm a possible baby, or (fill in the blank)?"

This week, however is just plain torturous. Knowing that I'm pregnant, but not experiencing any symptoms has been absolutely driving me insane. Every time I feel the slightest bit of wetness in my underwear, I'm rushing to the bathroom to make sure it's not blood. Every time my bbs stop hurting for part of the day, I convince myself that I'm no longer pregnant (like I'm doing right now). To be perfectly honest, I had been feeling more symptoms (maybe they were all psychosomatic?) early on than I do now. I swore I was having indigestion, bloatiness, crampiness, sore bbs & mild nausea, but honestly I'm feeling fine. No fatigue. No morning sickness. No ANYTHING...

What will I do tomorrow if we get to the u/s and there's NOTHING there? THIS is what infertility has done to me...

Here's the verdict...

After reading the input from all of you, I thought long and hard about what to do about my blog. I really appreciated that 2 fellow infertiles, Kara & Amy, who have gone on to find success after infertility, encouraged me to document every single moment of this pregnancy because it will seem to fly by so quickly. I know that I will want to have some way of remembering every tiny twinge, twang, flutter and kick that I feel, so I've decided to start a second blog, The Making of the Scholl Family. I will use that blog as my true pregnancy journal & I'll continue to pick and choose some of the entries to cut & paste into this blog, for those of you who aren't ready for the uncensored pregnancy talk. I hope that's a solution that works for everyone. You're all so valuable to me and I thank God everyday for the amazing friendships I've made in bloggyland!

I've added the link over in my sidebar, under my profile info.

Your Thoughts?

As I'm sure you realize, we are far from being out-of-the woods, as far as this baby (or these babies) are concerned. I'm feeling great & so far, have no symptoms (I think I should be considered 4w5d today) & our 1st u/s is scheduled for Tuesday to see what we can see in there. We're VERY excited, but VERY cautiously optimistic at the same time.

But, regardless of what happens, I need some input from my readers concerning the direction you would like to see this blog take now, particularly those of you who are still in the trenches of infertility. Of course the name of the blog will not change, as I will always remain infertile; however I also remember what it feels like to be one of the ones who is "left behind." I remember how much it hurt and how I felt so certain that my dream to be a mommy would never be realized and I would forever be left behind. I couldn't live with myself knowing that this blog has made someone (especially another infertile) hurt and feel the same way.

At the same time, however, I know that when I was hurting, I did take comfort in knowing that even though these women had struggled and hurt just like I did, they somehow found joy again and eventually saw their dreams come to fruition. Whether it be through adoption like my bloggy buddy Melissa, or adoption & then a surprise pregnancy like my buddy Missy, and the countless other blogs (miracle stories) I follow in my sidebar and in my profile, I have learned that there are many roads that could lead you to the end of your journey.

So here is where I need your help. Where would you like this blog to go? Obviously, I'm not going to be spouting off about my woes of pg symptoms (because I remember how many times I saw other girls complaining and I thought about how I'd give my right arm for their morning sickness and round-ligament pain), but I also know the reality that it would be very hard not to talk about a pregnancy at all...and I don't want to lose any of you as readers, so I would greatly appreciate an email or comments about the new path that this blog will take.

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Wordless Wednesday

(If you're my friend on FB, don't mention anything there, please! We're waiting to tell the rest of my family (more than just parents) for a couple of weeks.)

Negativity is creeping in

I think there comes a point when no matter how much hope you have, negativity and doubt will always find a way to creep on in. That's where we sit now. 3dp6dt (IVF lingo for 3 days past our day 6 transfer) and feeling nothing...not that I necessarily should be...but I can't help but be anxious, nervous and scared for what lies ahead. Please be relentless in your prayers...

Transfer day

Today was our transfer day & everything went smoothly (minus my over-full bladder that I had to go partially empty - yeah, that was fun!). We transferred two beautiful embies & we've got 2 put away to freeze. We were kind of disappointed that there were only two embies left to freeze, but we keep telling ourselves that waiting until day 6 has weeded out any that wouldn't have survived the freeze/thaw process anyway, so we're saving "the creme of the crop!"

We've decided that we're not sharing the date of the beta with anyone at this time. With infertility, after sharing your hoo-ha with everyone and their brother, there is so little that is sacred, secret or special. Just rest assured that we will keep you all posted when we're ready to share the news (good or bad)!

Without further ado, here are the stars of the show...embies #16 & 19

Transfer time!

The moment we've all been waiting for! We got the call this morning to tell us that transfer day will be TOMORROW (Sunday), making it a day-6 transfer! I'll be honest and say that I was really hoping it would be today (so my babies could be with ME instead of in a petri-dish in a lab), but I trust that the embryologists make these decisions to the fullest of their ability, so I won't second guess that tomorrow is the right choice for us.

I'll try and check back in tomorrow from my self-imposed state of bed-riddenness (for a day). I'm sure I'll have my laptop by the bedside if anyone wants to drop me a note or words of encouragement (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*)! I truly have the best bloggy buddies!

No news...

For once, I can actually say that this time around, no news is good news! Yesterday morning, we got the call that we had been pushed out to have a day 5 (or possibly day 6) transfer! Basically, that meant that on day 3, our embies were still dividing (some taper off by this point, or at times, there aren't enough viable ones to warrant waiting an extra two days to transfer the best ones). Being pushed out to day 5 allows the embryologists to determine which ones are really the "rock star embryos" (aka better quality), which would have a greater chance of becoming a viable pregnancy. Sooooo, in other words, we wait...they'll call me tomorrow morning sometime to let us know if we need to come in tomorrow afternoon or if we wait until Sunday.

It's been kind of annoying to wait since MONDAY, but I know that this is the good kind of waiting, so I'm trying to be patient. I went to work in my classroom a couple of times to keep myself occupied. I set up all my bulletin boards (maybe I'll post some pics soon) since it wouldn't be such a great idea to stand up on chairs and tables in the next two weeks. I've also been catching up on some housework. I vacuumed & mopped & cleaned all of the bedding...AND I got 5 lesson plans done for my grad class (moms of preschoolers/kindergartners, or teachers, leave me a comment if you want me to send you the lessons for fun game ideas!)! See? I can be productive when I want to!

I also made Candi's spaetzle to go with dinner (leftovers) tonight & it was awesome! I could have eaten the whole bowl & between the two of us, we almost did! Check it out! Yum!

Keep those prayers rolling in! I'll keep you posted!

Fertilization report is IN!

Sorry to keep you all waiting...

You're never going to believe this...

Of the 36 eggs retrieved, 30 were mature!!! Of the 30 mature eggs, they did ICSI on all of them and......


ALL 30 fertilized! We now have 30 embryos waiting for us in a petri dish!!

I cried, Becki cried, DH almost cried...it's a great day! I go for b/w & u/s tomorrow, but I won't get official word on when transfer will be until Thursday morning. My guess is that we're looking at a day 5-6 (Saturday/Sunday) transfer!

KEEP THOSE PRAYERS COMING! THEY WORK WONDERS!

B is absolutely amazing!

I don't have a ton of time to update...I have to run out the door in about 5 minutes to go get my first PIO shot from my nurse co-worker, but I wanted to keep all my bloggy-buddies in the know...

Today was an awesome day! G & I left the shore house around 7:30 this morning & made it to the RE's office around 10. B had been there since 8:15AM, but she had already been taken back to be prepped for the retrieval by the time we got there, so we communicated via text until she got taken back. Around 11, G was called back to give his sample & then about 30 minutes later, I got a text from B that brought tears to my eyes...it simply said "They got 36 eggs!!!!" It's enough to make this 3-egg-producing girl shout for joy! Seriously - that girl is the most fertile infertile I've ever seen! She came out just minutes later & we saw she & her hubby off (she was in pain and just wanted to lie down in the car and relax).

The fert report should be in tomorrow & then we're looking at a transfer on either Thursday or Saturday...with a slight possibility of Sunday. Please keep praying! God is in control and God is GOOD!

Monday is THE DAY!

We just got a call from the nurse that Monday is THE DAY (THE DAY, being egg retrieval day!). We couldn't be more excited! B texted me this morning saying that at her ultrasound today, they found 20 on the left and 12 on the right, with about 12 at 15mm or greater (mature). She will take her trigger shot tonight & retrieval will take place at 10:30 Monday morning!!!!!! Please pray & tell everyone you know to pray! More updates to follow!

Happy Anniversary!

Five years ago today, I married my best friend. Happy Anniversary, G!

Rock-star ovaries & some pics!

Not only is B an angel, but apparently she's got rock-star ovaries, as well! At her first follicle check today, they found 17 follies moving & grooving in there! We are ecstatic to say the least! I go back tomorrow for more u/s & b/w. I emailed the nurse about having my TSH checked since I've been on thyroid meds since December or so & I wanted to make sure that my levels are ok at the time of transfer (since TSH abnormalities are linked with early miscarriage). She noted that my levels haven't been checked since February & that she would add it to my bloodwork order tomorrow. She did say that they would monitor it very closely after a positive pregnancy test, but I don't want to wait that long to make sure that everything is ok...there is just way too much riding on this & I know I would hate myself if I didn't try and make sure everything was as perfect as it can be, come time for transfer!

And since I obviously forgot to do this last week, here are some pics from last weekend's wedding!! We had a great time dancing the night away!

First, Jenna & I getting the centerpieces ready, moments before the ceremony started!

Michelle & Jenna (my cousins) with their significant others, with G & I

Gregg hanging out with his two favorite girls after the ceremony!
Jenna & me hanging out waiting for more post-ceremony pics (would you ever know we're 11 years apart in age??)
The Happy Couple!!

Dancing the night away!

PS - this is my 200th post!! AMAZING! Thanks to those who've stuck with me through thick and thin!

Menu Plan Monday

I should have just attached this to yesterday's post since I pretty much know what we'll (we?? I mean, I'll) be making anyway, but here goes... (PS - if you're visiting here from OrgJunkie, please read my last post & pray for us!! Thank you!!). You'll see a lot of repeat recipes from last week because we just never ended up getting to a few of them (other things came up, etc) & recipes got shifted around to different days.

Sunday - Stromboli, peas, oven-roasted zucchini & fresh pineapple
Monday - leftovers (stromboli, enchiladas - don't worry we didn't end up having them until later last week than we had planned, so they're not old & gross!)
Tuesday - Grilled Coconut Chicken
Wednesday - Pot Roast in the Crock pot (Just coat the meat with a packet of Lipton Onion Soup mix, pour a bit of beef broth in the bottom & throw in some chunks of celery, carrots, potatoes & onions...I'll put the leftover meat & juices in the freezer to make vegetable soup next week!)
Thursday - Going out for Japanese Hibachi for our anniversary!!!
Friday - Our Anniversary!! Hopefully going to the shore for a few days!!

Let the madness ensue!!!

As of Friday, the madness (that is IVF) has officially begun! G & I had to drive to New Jersey (about 1.5 hours) at the crack of dawn for bloodwork (both of us) and an ultrasound (me). They said that everything looks good, except that I've got a bit of free-fluid hanging out in my uterus. The doctor said that it is normal & there is nothing that they can do for it, but that they do hope to see it go away before we get to the transfer date, so PLEASE pray about that for us! It isn't that the fluid would necessarily decrease our chances of implantation, but it certainly won't help & they're just hoping for a clean, plump uterus to accept the little embies!!

In other related news, B started her stims (ovary-stimulating meds) on Friday!! This is like THE BIG STEP in an IVF cycle. At her first (baseline) ultrasound on Friday, they found about 10 little eggs just hanging out!! And that was UN-stimulated!! They said that by the time she gets the stims in her, we could hope/expect to find about 20 of the little buggers going to town in there! We are so blessed! B goes back for another ultrasound on Monday and I go on Tuesday! Please continue to pray!

G & I have been throwing around a few ideas of what to give B as a gift. When it comes right down to it, nothing really seems appropriate or meaningful enough to reciprocate the miraculous opportunity she is giving us. Her enthusiasm & generosity have given us something that we haven't had much of over the past four years...HOPE. Finally, last night, the idea came to me (after some great suggestions from my online IF group girls) to call on my bloggy buddy Melissa for some help - and help she has! Despite the fact that she's on a jewelry-making break for the summer so she can spend time with her loved ones, she has GENEROUSLY offered to make a Hope Bracelet for us to give B. It will match the one that she made for me a year or so ago, which I won from her in an online contest! Please check her out for all your custom-jewelry needs (starting in late August when she returns from her break). She really is an amazing person!!

And finally, I was looking through my blog archives & I found this post, which seems appropriate for the theme of Hope we've got going on today. Enjoy!

MPM and IVF w/ DE update!

Hey! We're back from the whirlwind weekend of wedding duties (so much fun! pictures to come!) and 3 softball games for G yesterday! His team won the church league championship, so that was quite exciting...and the victory was especially sweet because they beat the one team in the league who consistently shows bad attitudes and tries to cheat every year (yes, this is church softball and no, I am not kidding!)

It's been a while since I've done an MPM, so I thought I would get back into it this week... I love having my menu all set out ahead of time, but we've been in and out of the house so much lately that it's been hard to get it all pulled together...so without further ado, here is this week's menu plan!
Monday - Meatloaf, baked potatoes & fresh green beans (recipe below)
I'll also be making my famous Buffalo Chicken Dip tonight for G to take as a snack at his grad class tomorrow!
Tuesday - Sticky coconut chicken & rice
Wednesday - Easy Chicken Enchiladas
Thursday - Pot Roast & veggies in the crock pot
Friday - Vegetable soup (made from leftover pot roast)
Saturday - homemade stromboli

As for our IVF cycle, I've been on Lupron (aka Loopy Lupron) for just over a week now & it truly is making me crazy! Yesterday, on the way home from my parents' house, I felt so nervous/anxious the whole time & started crying at random (and non-emotion-evoking songs) on the radio. I truly am going nuts. Thankfully, I had an ultrasound & bloodwork this morning & am now advised to knock my dosage back from 20 units to 5 & also to start my estrace! My donor (B) goes for her first ultrasound on Friday & then should be good to go to start her stims!!!!! G & I also have bloodwork on Friday (and I have an ultrasound as well) & then a meeting with the lawyer to pick up our paperwork/contract for B to sign.
Afterwards, we think we're going to treat ourselves to breakfast/brunch & a matinee of the new Harry Potter movie!!! Please continue to pray! It means the world to us!!

The Best Meatloaf You'll Ever Taste:
2 lb ground beef
1 packet Lipton onion soup mix
1 cup bread crumbs/oatmeal/cracker crumbs (any combination will work great!)
2 eggs
2 tsp. salt
1/2 c milk
1 small onion chopped fine
1 T ketchup

Combine all ingredients & shape into a loaf in a loaf pan or in a casserole dish with a drip pan. Smear a bit of extra ketchup over the top. Bake at 350 for 1.5 hr. Let rest 5-10 minutes before cutting!