Monday, August 17, 2009

Torturing myself

This week has, in my opinion, been far more torturous than all the previous weeks in this IVF cycle combined. The week after the retrieval was kind of aggravating, but I knew the wait was worth it so that we could transfer the embryos that were the "best of the best." The week after transfer was annoying as I analyzed every little twist and turn I made with my body, wondering "Did I just lift something too heavy or make a turn that could harm a possible baby, or (fill in the blank)?"

This week, however is just plain torturous. Knowing that I'm pregnant, but not experiencing any symptoms has been absolutely driving me insane. Every time I feel the slightest bit of wetness in my underwear, I'm rushing to the bathroom to make sure it's not blood. Every time my bbs stop hurting for part of the day, I convince myself that I'm no longer pregnant (like I'm doing right now). To be perfectly honest, I had been feeling more symptoms (maybe they were all psychosomatic?) early on than I do now. I swore I was having indigestion, bloatiness, crampiness, sore bbs & mild nausea, but honestly I'm feeling fine. No fatigue. No morning sickness. No ANYTHING...

What will I do tomorrow if we get to the u/s and there's NOTHING there? THIS is what infertility has done to me...

5 comments:

Becks said...

Oh, you're pregnant alright :) There will be something there! Most women don't start feeling symptoms as early as you are. In fact, most women don't even know they are pregnant at this point!

As your hormone levels rise higher and higher, you will start to have more symptoms. PROMISE! :)

embieadoptmom said...

It's your hormones! You're pregnant! IF makes you nuts then the hormones make you nuttier! LOL! You will be just fine! Can't wait to hear your U/s news tomorrow!

Candi said...

Teri, it is normal to feel the way you do....and I didn't even have infertility issues. We all know someone who has lost a baby, so that means it could happen to us, too. So...we worry.

With Lucas, I had no symptoms early on either....unless you count waking up and puking ONCE in the middle of the night (I didn't get morning sickness with him until most are over and done with it. I thought I made it home-free and then WHAM! 14 weeks pregnant and morning sickness...on our way home from a trip to CA none the less. Puking on a plane is NOT fun!!). I thought it was a bit strange because after that, I felt fine. I mentioned it to a friend and she said "maybe you are pregnant". I was (4 days late, too....I just didn't realize it until I looked later)! At the time, I was taking oral meds that aren't safe to take while pregnant, so I started seeing the doc earlier than most. They tested my hcg levels and thought they were too low. Had me come back and thought they didn't rise enough. They tried to convince me that I was loosing my baby. So, of course....I worried. I currently have a very good friend that is pregnant and went through the same thing with her hcg levels and bleeding on top of that.

All this to say, being pregnant can be very nerve wracking! Praying for you!

Piccinigirl said...

I can say that I felt EXACTLY the same way. I would worry and worry if my bbs didn't hurt, if I felt wet down there, the only thing i did have was the m/s all day long, but even then, I convinced myself that it was just the hormones and I was losing the babies. So it's normal to worry.

BUT Don't..(hahah, easy for me to say right?) I swear it will be ok, your body finally got Pregnant and it will stay that way. I just know it.

Can't wait to hear about the heartbeat(s) ...you never did mention your hcg levels....so I'm crossing my fingers. :)

Tridentine Wife said...

In the first few weeks of my pregnancy I had the same reactions you are having right now. In fact just yesterday I was asking my Dr. if every week that goes by, are the risks of miscarrying less and less? He replied with "we shouldn't look at it statiscally, b/c we're people of faith, and God knows what He's doing." You just have to take it week by week, and every milestone of pregnancy that you experience is getting you closer and closer. I could have driven myself crazy with the lack of symptoms in those early weeks, but take it day by day, try not to stress (easier said than done I know) and take this time to bond with the baby and soak it all in. You're pregnant and what a blessing this is for you.

P.S. I'm at 8 weeks and threw up ONCE last week, and nothing more.