I need your thoughts...

Today, while G was away and Haddy was napping (gasp!), I was watching the Rachael Ray show (while attempting to organize the pantry). There was a between-segment "advertisement" for a new contest of sorts that really caught my attention. Apparently, RR is partnering with Crest for the "Life Opens Up" project - here is the description from her website:

Do you have a winning smile? Has your mouth ever gotten you in trouble, or opened doors for you? If you have a story to tell about how your mouth has helped you to open up to the world, here’s your chance to tell it. If you have a winning story for the Crest and Oral-B Life Opens Up Project you could win $25,000 and be featured on the Rachel Ray Show. It’s time to tell your story to Crest and Ora-B.

So my question is, for those of you who know the whole story of how we got our miracle baby (it all started with a random comment on a friend-from-middle-school's FB note & then spiraled into her becoming our egg donor), do you think this would be something appropriate as an entry for the contest? Of course, I would have to ask B if she would be comfortable with me entering the contest & I would have to talk to G. And I'm NOT committing to anything right now, but I thought I would put out some feelers and see what y'all thought! But don't take too much time in commenting - the contest ends Sept. 15th!

She's baaa-ack!

The title of my post is very telling....the first post-partum arrival of a certain monthly visitor signals both that my body has returned to its "normal" self (thus thrusting me back into the lonely world of infertiles), and that I must therefore make this long over-due appearance on my IF blog. Not that I've ever truly left the world of infertiles, truth be told. But I now enter into a new phase of the journey - secondary infertility. Will we ever pursue treatments again? Doubtful unless we win the lottery...but even though we're perfectly happy as a family of three, I would be hard-pressed to say that my heart feels our family is complete.

So we are back to the same old place again - stuck between a rock and a hard place. TTC on our own which is basically about the worst odds we could ever have (I think anyway - others don't seem to agree with me), contemplating adoption (and again, wondering how we could possibly afford that), and praying for God's patience, peace and provision.

The only difference is...Hadley. Yes, she IS our pride and joy. It still doesn't seem real most days that she is really ours - we get to keep her - and raise her - and love her! What an awesome, amazing, HUGE responsibility. After nearly 5 years (by the time she was actually in our arms), I guess it will take longer than 8 months for it to actually feel like reality!

My online girls and I were talking the other day about how girls who are TTC#1 (with IF) likely perceive girls who are TTC#2 (with secondary IF) - chime in if you fall into either of these categories, please. It sparked quite a debate amongst us (all of whom have at least one child after struggling with IF), which is definitely understandable given the sensitive nature of the topic. A good friend actually brought up the valid point that in many ways secondary IF can be more difficult. Secondary IF tends to be a lonelier place since you rarely get the emotional sensitivity from people that you would get with primary IF, with the thought that "at least you have your baby now." It's hard for the primary IF girls to identify with us because all they can see is our baby; they feel that we've been rescued from the trenches. And I will agree that in many ways we have - but the same emotions are there; the same visions of our "perfect little family" that we had envisioned since we were little girls are still shattered by the reality of our malfunctioning bodies and empty pocketbooks.

I know I've blogged about the stupid, insensitive things that people say to women suffering from infertility before...but after talking with my secondary IF friends, it appears that those dumb comments don't stop just because you've had a baby! Secondary infertility is incredibly hard in a way that is so much different than us primary IF-ers can ever understand (I typed "us" before I realized that I am now technically in the category of secondary IF-ers - again, not used to the idea that I'm actually a mom & have moved on from the primary IF title). You get the normal stupid IF comments (it will happen if it's meant to happen, just relax, etc) compounded with the stupid comments reserved only for those ppl with secondary IF ("I bet little H would love a little brother or sister," "well at least you have your daughter, you should be thankful for that!," etc.) and people again don't realize how hurtful they are being.

And I would be remiss if, while talking about the stupid things people say, I didn't mention what one of G's co-workers said to me a few weeks back. As you know, we've been very open with our IF struggles and the measures (in this case, donor egg) that we went to in order to finally get our little miracle. Well, I was at Gregg's grade-level picnic & one of his co-workers came over while I was holding Haddy. She was saying how cute she was & then proceeded to ask me who I thought she looked like. Of course, I said that we all think she is a mini version of her daddy, as she looks just like him. Dumb co-worker then responds: "that's what I thought, too, but I didn't know what the mom looked like."

**crickets chirping**

Even just typing this out now, my jaw is dropping to the floor - I still can't believe she said that. Of course, I didn't miss a beat and just politely glazed over her sheer stupidity and reiterated that no, of course Haddy looks exactly like her Daddy - all the while wanting to punch her in the face. I labored all day and pushed this little girl into this world for two hours (sans drugs, might I add) - *I* am her mom!

So, that's where we are right now! Stuck somewhere between infertility and success after infertility. I'm glad to be back!

Life After Infertility

I've been swirling this post around in my head for a while now, trying to make sense of it. Trying to figure out what to write. Trying to figure out if I should write it at all. Truth be told, there really is no life after infertility, or success after infertility, or whatever you want to call it. No matter how you overcome your infertility demons, be it adoption, surgery, surrogacy, IVF or a miracle, nothing can repair the damage done by the countless tears you've cried, the sympathetic looks from friends and family members, the hurtful (though often well-intentioned) comments that people make, the painful pregnancy announcements where you paste the "I'm so happy for you" face on to mask the tears that are welling up behind it, the money you spent on making a baby that you had reserved for a baby. And then there's the weird curve ball that infertility throws at your marriage. When you take those vows, you never realize just how literally God takes them; how he pushes them to their utmost limits & tests you beyond measure.

But then there are the unexpected blessings...the crazy little things that you can somehow appreciate along the crooked & rocky path...and although I never would have chosen this path to parenthood in a million years, I can honestly say that it has made me count my blessings. And I definitely think it will make me a better parent. It has made our marriage so incredibly strong...stronger than any other couple our age that I know, actually. And I've learned about how giving of yourself can change someone's life completely, like Becki did for us. I certainly wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. Finally, there are the friends I've made; you, my bloggy buddies & my IF-support group girls who get "it" more than anyone else possibly could...how could I not admit that I'm at least a little grateful for the hand that I've been dealt?

Do you have blessings to share from your life with infertility?

The Big (LONG) Update (finally!)

It's time to come clean about the big BFP. Though not spontaneous by any means, it is as big of a shock to us as it is to you. Read on...you might want some snacks...it's a long one (some is for self-documentation purposes, so feel free to skim!) Pictures from every ultrasound (and the embryos) can be found at our baby blog: www.schollbaby.blogspot.com

As I mildly hinted back in February, we decided that we were going to do our FET (2 frozen embryos from our donor egg cycle in July 2009) in March. We decided (after little debate) that we weren't going to let ANYONE in on it, including our parents...after all that we had been through, it was just easier not to have the questions, "when is your shot? how are you feeling? when is your beta? when is this? when is that?," etc, etc, etc...even though of course we know those questions always come out of love and concern. A couple people at each of our workplaces knew, but otherwise, no one! My online infertility girls didn't even find out about it until the evening of the transfer.

On March 18th, I went in to work with G. We were supposed to get the call about an hour and a half before we needed to be at the doctor's office, so there was no way for me to go in to work & still have enough time to meet up with him & leave on such short notice, even though we knew that the call probably wouldn't be made until after 10. Around lunch time, we got the call & they asked if we could be there by 2:00, which was no problem. We ate our lunches, G secured his coverage & then we picked up and left, getting there with plenty of time to spare. They took us back almost immediately and got us set up in our "room" (basically one large room with curtains between each). There were about 4 other couples there. We had elected to receive laser acupuncture both before and after the transfer. It was only an extra $200 and we figured this was our last chance...we would do everything possible to increase our chances of success. It was completely painless and took about 5 minutes. Around 3:00, the RE (Dr. Kim) came in and told us that both of our embryos thawed beautifully (which was honestly the biggest obstacle to pass of the day!). He said that they picked up right where they had left off as far as growing was concerned. By 3:30, we were in and out of the transfer room & I was receiving my 2nd dose of laser acupuncture. After my mandatory 20 minutes rest, G & I made the long (traffic!!!!) trek home with a stop at Wendy's for dinner (because, after all, baby likes HEALTHY food!). By the time we made it home, I barely had any rest time before actual bed time, but G made sure I didn't do too much. I returned to work the next day...my 4-year-olds are easy enough, so I wasn't worried about over-doing it.

We had already made plans to travel up to my parents' house for a family spaghetti dinner that weekend. This meant that, for the first time, I would have to do my PIO shot by myself (G is terrified of needles & passes out - but it's ok - I still love him LOTS!). I was terrified, but my co-worker (former nurse who had been doing my shots for me) guided me through it & watched me do it by myself the next day. She marked out a few spots for me with a Sharpie & I prayed for confidence! The next day, though still extremely nervous, I did it! Complete with finding a good spot (my sharpie marks had washed away!) and drawing back to check for blood! Over time, while doing my own, G became my band-aid man & would stand on the sidelines (not watching) until I was ready for him! Though still not my favorite thing to do (and I'm glad I am officially off of the PIOs), I can do an IM shot like a pro!

So, back to the story...on March 26th, the night before my beta, I went to a social event with my co-workers. While there, I started to feel crampy & went to the bathroom to discover some brownish pink spotting. I was completely miserable the rest of the night (despite the fact that I won 2 prizes while there) & texted G for the duration of the party about how I wanted to come home (I had carpooled with someone else, so I couldn't leave). The next day was beta day and I felt that my fate had already been revealed the night before, but I took a HPT that morning anyway. I couldn't sleep, so I was up way before G. I peed on the stick, waited the obligatory 3 minutes, saw no line & went back to bed. I was so numb. Even though I felt like I had gotten my answer the night before, the blank spot where the line was supposed to be, staring me straight in the face, was like a punch in the gut. Looking back in regular lighting, later in the day (much past the 10 minute window), we could see what MAY or MAY NOT have been a line, but at 9dp5dt, we were looking for a nice, dark line. We kept telling ourselves we were ready to adopt and ready to move on and "just be parents in whatever way we could" but the reality was that those 2 little embies still gave us hope...and try as we might to not get those hopes up, that was virtually impossible.

By the grace of God, I held it together all morning for the blood draw. Several hours later, we got the call that I WAS PREGNANT with a super beta of 163! The nurse on the phone probably thought I was a real witch or something because she told me and I didn't even react - I still could not believe that 2 negatives (spotting and the BFN on the HPT) could equal a positive. I just said "ok" after every statement she said. After I hung up, we were both in shock, but not excited like we should have been. We had been to that place before & we knew better than to get our hopes up prematurely. But we hoped, and we prayed, and we prayed some more.

2 days later (16dpo), I went back for repeat bloodwork & discovered that not only had my number doubled, it had almost tripled to 412! I was beginning to get more excited at this point. However, when I inquired about my progesterone level, which they said looked "good," I discovered that it was low by most RE's standards at 13. So I did what any desperate girl would do. I first called and got my PIO dosage increased (they would only let me do an extra 1/2 mL). I also pleaded for a prescription for progesterone suppositories, but to no avail. So again, I did what any desperate girl would do...please don't tell...I self-medicated. You see, I had some expired progesterone suppositories in my refrigerator & with the help of my enablers (aka my online infertility girls), I started taking them daily for nothing more than some peace of mind. I also begged for a 2nd repeat beta for some additional peace of mind (especially since we were traveling to my parents' house for Easter). Again, I got the call with good news! My beta needed to be at least 1648 to meet the standard 48 doubling time (now at 20dpo) & it came back with a SUPER STAR number of 2379 & my p4 went up to a comfortable (for me) number of 20. Not sure if it was the extra p4 supplementation, but I'll take it. Many of my online girls were thinking twins at that point because my betas were so high...

The day after Easter, April 5th, we went back to the RE for our first ultrasound. We were both terrified, as this was the point in our previous pregnancy where we had the ultrasound and they saw nothing, betas began to decline & we lost the baby. BUT NOT THIS TIME!!! This time we saw ONE beautiful gestational sac with a yolk sac inside! Just what we wanted to see. The PA said it was too early to measure for a due date, but that everything looked just like it was supposed to look (5w2d). My bloodwork also came back stellar with my p4 holding steady at 20 & my beta shooting up to 8067!! In the week between my ultrasounds, I would live on an ultrasound- (and beta-) high for about two days, before reality (and Satan with his doubt) would begin to creep back in. I had no symptoms at that point beyond bigger BBs (although I wasn't complaining about that one)...and I knew that was just from the progesterone.

On Monday, April 12th, we saw and heard one of the most beautiful things in the world...our baby's heartbeat! We were in shock and awe mode. I had myself completely convinced that we would get there and see that the gestational sac and yolk sac had disappeared...G thought I was just being ridiculous & I told him I was glad that he could say "I told you so!" We also saw another mass at the ultrasound which we've determined was likely a 2nd sac that just never developed (considering how high my betas were, this would make perfect sense, since I was right in the average range for twins). Progesterone was holding steady at 20 & hcg rose steadily to 30,896. My TSH came back still slightly elevated (at 3.6) so they increased my dosage a 2nd time & continued to monitor it. The baby measured right around 6 weeks at that time, which was perfect & a HB of 120bpm.

At the 7 week scan (April 19th), they discovered that the 2nd sac had continued to grow. They still saw it as no cause for concern, which was encouraging. We heard the heartbeat again (136bpm) and the baby measured right on target (7w2d). Finally on April 26th, we went for our 8 week ultrasound & for the first time, our baby looked like a baby (or a gummy bear)! The baby measured 2 days ahead (8w4d) & HB was 164bpm! The RE's office "released" me with a really cute ultrasound pic baby card & a stack of pregnancy magazines, though they can't officially release me while I'm still on progesterone (though they actually did since I REFUSED to go cold-turkey so early-on). My TSH went back down to normal levels at 1.86 and they finally gave us a due-date of December 3rd, 2010! And still, our families had NO CLUE.

We traveled up to my parents' house on the evening of my birthday, April 30th. They were throwing a 30th bday picnic (family) for me the following day. My mom & dad were busy getting things ready for the picnic that they were having for my bday. They were both finally in the house at the same time and I told my mom that I wanted her to open her Mother's Day gift (a week early) before she was up to her elbows in something else...my dad almost left but I told him he had to stay. Mom opened the card and started crying (nothing in the card but a sappy little verse) and then she opened the frame and SCREAMED, CRIED & she and my dad made a Teri-Sandwich out of me. My dad cried and my mom sobbed, "This is the BEST MOTHER'S DAY PRESENT EVER"...it was awesome. When she got to the party, we told my little cousin Jenna (19) because she's our bud - she and Gregg always "pretend" they are Ron & Hermione from Harry Potter when we go camping (mainly just finding sticks & pretending they are stupifying each other, or quoting the movie, etc). Gregg asked Jenna if she wanted to be Aunt Jenna or Aunt Hermione - and her eyes got wide and she looked at me & I smiled and she got SO excited & screamed - she had to compose herself before we went back to the rest of the family. My mom showed the frame to the rest of the family after we had eaten & they happily passed it around & congratulated us on the wonderful (and long over-due!) news!

On Tuesday, May 11th, we had a great OB appointment with the heartbeat at 170bpm. The little sucker was in there moving all over the place - it even looked like it was waving at us!!!! The following weekend, we went to the shore with G's family for Mother's Day. Before we went out to breakfast, G gave his mom her Mother's Day gift. His mom was a little confused at first (or we were just confused at what she was asking us)! G's dad is a radiologist, so he looked at the date at the top & saw my name & knew right away what was going on & hugged me immediately. His mom started sobbing and couldn't figure out how we'd been keeping it a secret for so long! We told G's 2 younger sisters and they FLIPPED, then he called his oldest sister and her kids told her that she said Oh My God 21 times! LOL! We emailed the rest of G's brothers and sisters to tell them & we heard back from every single one of them within 12 hours!

We had our NT scan at the Maternal Fetal Medicine unit on the 28th (which was so cool!!). The ultrasound tech got all the measurements (which the doctor said looked normal, putting us at low risk for Downs or Trisomy 18) and then we officially "came out" on Facebook that afternoon! That.Was.Awesome!

And that brings us (finally!) to where we are now, 14 weeks. It's been an insanely long and nerve-racking journey, but we're just thrilled to finally have a chance to experience all of it. The good, the bad & the ugly. I go back to the OB on Tuesday (I'm anxious to hear the HB) and we don't have another ultrasound until the 19th of July (the "big" one)! Please keep us in your prayers!

bad, bad blogger

Every time I think I'm going to do better with blogging, something else comes up. Combining work with cheerleading has been rough! I did want to type a quick post about the holidays though. I absolutely love Christmas! I love everything about it...I love the music, I love decorating, I love buying presents, I love the foods & smells, I love wrapping presents, the whole nine yards. Yet every year, I feel emptier and emptier...and I don't know how much longer I can do Christmases like this.

This is our 9th Christmas together as a couple, 6th as a married couple & 5th since we've started TTC. And every year hurts more than the previous. I bawl through Christmas eve service at church every single year....because let's face it, Christmas IS all about a baby. And knowing that I should've been big & fat & 5 months pg right now makes this Christmas especially painful.

And then there's my extended family...

I was talking online w/ my mom just now about how frustrated I am with my side of the family at Christmas. Every year for the past 7 years or so, I attempt to arrange some type of gift exchange and it's always met with a wishy-washy blah response. No one ever wants to commit to anything, despite me giving a bunch of different suggestions. (Elfster Pollyanna, Gift Card exchange, White Elephant, etc) At first I thought maybe it's just me and I'm overly sensitive because I love Christmas SO much and maybe some people aren't AS enthused as me. Ok. Fine. But after giving all these suggestions my aunt (whom I DO love) has found something wrong with every single one of them and keeps pushing the game that she wants to do, which I hate (bring a wrapped gift for yourself, everyone unwraps a gift & tries to decide who it belongs to...isn't the point of Christmas in GIVING?) Games like that, to me, make it just like any other game/any other holiday...we might as well sit around and play scrabble, you know? I want to buy something for someone else, not myself!

Then I started talking to DH about it and I ended up breaking down, crying because my family Christmas is supposed to be my "safe" place. There are no young kids (the youngest of the grandkids is 19 - I'm the one expected to have the babies at this point)...I guess maybe that's why there's no Christmas spirit. DH's family party is fun, but very, very hard for me. G has 8 brothers & sisters who combined have 10 children...4 of whom have been born in the time that we've been TTC, and another is on the way. We were supposed to have baby #7 & they're already on #11. DH gets it...he just held me as I cried and said he understood when I explained what I meant by my "safe Christmas" with my family...and he agreed that my extended family party is lame, except when we're hanging out with my 19 yr old cousin who is so much fun!

I guess what I'm asking is for my family to prove to me that Christmas can be a special time whether you are a child or not...or whether you HAVE a child or not. Thank God for my mom - she basically sent out an ultimatum email asking everyone to put in their two cents since time is running out...she apologized that their house won't be decorated, but I assured her that decorations do not make Christmas...joy, hope and giving do!

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a blessed 2010! May you find joy through your struggles & hope in the promise of the Lord!

Happy Anniversary!

Five years ago today, I married my best friend. Happy Anniversary, G!

Stressful Week & Camping Updates!

First, let me say that I got a follow-up call from Bed, Bath & Beyond the other day from one of the District Customer Service reps. She asked when I had visited the store because she was attempting to figure out who the clerk was in order to get her some further training...She apologized profusely & asked if there was anything that she could do for us because she didn't want to lose our business. I definitely could have milked it for all it was worth, but I'm not that kind of person (even I would never want a freebie at someone else's expense)...especially since G & I were laughing about it...but it was really nice to get the call & know that they do care about the quality of service that you receive at their stores!

In other news, this past week has been one of the most stressful ones in a long time, which would explain why there haven't been blog posts updating on things in life, camping, etc. The RE's office called us on Monday night to inform us that while they were incorrect with their call the week prior telling us that we owed for pre-screenings, they still did need to collect for B's required FDA screenings in the amount of ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I thought I was going to die. I vented to the billing lady on the phone saying that I know it isn't her fault but how is it possible that these expenses were never outlined to us from the get-go...she was incredulous that we had never been given an itemized list of costs. Then I started crying on the phone telling her that I didn't know if we would be able to remain a part of the study. This "free" study, which was only supposed to cost us a "couple thousand" in screening costs has ended up racking up $6000 in bills when all is said and done. That just does NOT sit well with me. I also vented to a nurse at the office that if we had known it would cost that much, we might as well have gone through an agency. That would have saved me all the hassle of finding a donor & lining up somewhere for her to go for distance monitoring. So I hung up the phone, told G & cried some more. His parents ended up finding out about it and offered to give us some money so that we could finish out what we've started. We are eternally grateful...

THEN, Wednesday, I got an email from the nurse telling me that she received the consents that we signed & sent back in, however the envelope was not addressed specifically TO HER & it ended up getting opened at the front desk & being given to the research team. The research team would not accept it because it is actually supposed to be signed in-office & then witnessed by the nurse...which, of course, I was never told! I ended up having to re-print the paperwork out, get DH's signature & spend $13 to mail it out Express so that it would be there the next day (Thursday, the last day before their long holiday weekend) in order to be able to start meds on Sunday to keep on schedule. Again, I cried and got mad and thought I was going to lose it on someone at the office (specifically the nurse). You can BET that, when all is said and done, we will be sending a letter to the office manager, detailing all of the issues, miscommunications and lack of organization that we have had to deal with over the past few months. Please pray for us!

Last but not least, let's lighten the mood with a list of fun times from camping (the first 9 are due to G & J pretending they were Harry Potter characters pretty much the entire time...let me remind you that they are 29 & 18 years old!!):
British accents
Patronus
Leaky cauldron
Ron, Luna, Professors Lupin and McGonnagal (sp), and Hermione
Hagrid and fang
Dennis creevy aka creepy Joe
chamber of secrets
stupify, lumos, and all the other spells
dark forest
Frisbee golf
screaming in the bathroom (I told Jenna that she had 'sunburn' on her head and she thought I said that she had 'something' on her head and she started screaming like crazy)
fishing
pancake rock
Recycle Bin Ball
"you scared the poop out of me!"
aunt chris yelling at us for saying sucks
cheating at phase 10 (Gregg and Jenna cheated pretty much the entire game so that Jenna could win)
uno
farting
yummy mountain pies
teri's creepy voice-"I like what you're wearing"
popping lids off bottles (pretty much making bottle-rockets out of water-bottle lids)
long johns
crossing the dam
bridge run
Jenna ordering ice cream in a British accent

Check out our video!!

Weekend-O-Fun

Our Annual (almost the) end-of-the-school year weekend of fun is upon us and I couldn't be more excited! Every year for the past few years, we pack up the car for G's parents' shore house and we host all of our friends from G's work & his coaching buddies. The weekend usually involves board games (Apples to Apples and Loaded Questions are some favorites), the beach (of course!), outdoor games (horseshoes & the PVC pipe frisbee game!), and consuming large quantities of alcohol...I will have you know that I usually stick with a wine cooler, sparkletini, or maybe an appletini...I am definitely the soberest (is that a word) one at the end of the night (I'm a total lightweight!)! However, I've been pulled through the wringer several times by the RE's office this week...I told G today that I need a massage...he thinks that I need a drink instead!

Last year's trip included our friend Mark losing his wedding band in Davy Jones's locker, with a trip to the 5 & 10 store to follow in which they came back armed with kiddie snorkels and shovels in hopes of finding it (no luck, however). This year, he will have to remember to keep his ring in the beach bag. Last year's trip also involved a game of cops & robbers (or was it cowboys & indians?) with the (intoxicated) boys around 3 in the morning. I am happy to say that my husband did not partake in the re-enactment.

I've been prepping food for the past few days, doing a few things here and there. I browned up ground beef & boiled & shredded some chicken today. Those will go into a lasagna, a Chicken Broccoli lasagna & my famous Buffalo Chicken Dip. I also made some garlic butter to go on a loaf of French bread, so we can have garlic bread with our lasagna on Saturday. Our friends are bringing baked goods & snacks, taco fixings for tomorrow's dinner, cookout goodies for Saturday's lunch & pretty much anything and everything you can imagine! Basically a weekend of indulgences, which we will pay for come Monday...I can hardly wait!

What's new?

Everyone has constantly (in a nice way, of course) been asking me when the IVF w/ DE cycle will start up and at this point, I basically have to say that your guess is as good as mine! I'm supposed to be starting bcp w/ my next cycle & B is supposed to start hers, too. The problem is that B doesn't get AF, which means that she has to go for repeated blood work in order to determine where she is in her cycle (hormonally in her body). This wouldn't be such a difficult thing except that I've been emailing and calling the nurse at the RE's office repeatedly since SUNDAY to find out whether or not they've faxed in an order for B's blood work to her local lab. Honestly, one wouldn't think that it would be such a hard thing to reply a quick "sure" to my emails or call me back with a "yes" but apparently it is.

I feel like I've become a squeaky wheel now, but I don't know what else to do! B leaves on her vacation in less than 2 weeks, so I would like her to know (before she leaves) whether or not she will be able to start on the pill while she's gone or what will be expected of her upon her return.

Despite all of the craziness, my persistence has paid off (G says it's good that I'm so on top of things since the RE's office is so friggin' disorganized). I arranged for B to do her first two u/s and b/w monitorings in central PA, 20 minutes from where she lives, which is fantastic news! It will cost us some money out-of-pocket, but I feel better about things, knowing that I can take at least a little bit of the burden off of B.

G also went for his cystic fibrosis full-panel screening yesterday! I am happy to report that he took it like a champ (meaning he didn't pass out and look like he was having a seizure like he did a year ago when he had to have b/w done for our 1st IVF)! The nurse was excellent (he has to lie down to give blood & he's got tough veins) & she even brought him apple juice and animal crackers when he was done. I was so proud of him! I know...men!, right? He said that if he had to give blood as often as I have to, he would probably get used to it...but I say I'm just tougher than he is!

In other exciting news, we broke out the ice cream maker for the first time ever on Sunday (nevermind the fact that we received it as a wedding gift nearly 5 years ago)! We modified a recipe & tried to make pineapple sorbet...it sort of turned out, but mostly tasted like pure sweetness. However, on Monday, we followed the recipe for Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream to a tee and it turned out great! The ILs took us out for dinner last night (just for the heck of it), so we invited them over afterwards for ice cream! MIL said that if we hadn't told her any better, she would have thought she was eating Breyer's...so much cheaper (less than $3 for almost a half gallon) and I just feel better about eating: milk, cream, sugar, peppermint & chocolate chips, rather than who-knows-what...next on my agenda is Cinnamon ice cream!

Finally, let me share with you some of the fruits of my labor...our first harvest - 3 radishes!!!

Birthday: Part 2

Sorry for the delay! Without further ado, here is the second part of my birthday post!

On Thursday, I went to work as normal! I got a scrapbooking idea book & some scrapbooking scissors from my co-workers & then the kids sang happy birthday to me at lunch. My preschool girls also sang to me in the morning & one boy even found a little heart-shaped dude in my prize box, asked me what it said (Love You, Forever) and then promptly said, "oh, this is for you!" LOL Too cute.

As far as our appointments, things went really well aside from a couple of snafus...first, they had told B that her appointments would last from 9-9:30, 9:30-10:30, 10:30-11:30 & 1:30-3:30 & then we would meet up with them from 3:30-4:30 for the group psych eval. Apparently after her 9 Appt, they put her and C in a room around 9:30...over AN HOUR later, they still hadn't been seen & B went out to figure out what was going on...here, there was some mix up and she wasn't supposed to have an appointment then AT ALL...so she spent a friggin hour sitting there doing NOTHING with her husband and they could have at least been out reading magazines or something...

Then, they were at B's last appointment and they said something to the effect of "ok, so I think that's all until T & G get here at 2:30" and B stopped in her tracks because she knew that I was told & planning on 3:30. She called me & told me what they had said. Luckily, I was already at school with G, so we pawned his kids off (study hall) onto his co-teacher for the last couple of minutes before dismissal & we flew out of there, arriving just 20 minutes "late" for the time that they had us scheduled. When the psychiatrist found out what had happened to us, she pretty much said that she was going to have to beat someone out at the front desk...especially after what had happened to B earlier in the day!

So, we got in there for the meeting, she asked us a few questions, said that it was evident that we had really been communicating about everything (she also noted that we would be surprised how much people HADN'T talked about before that appointment & how they would sometimes be there for 2 hours hashing out details that no one had thought of, like what happens to unused embryos, how much contact/communication we will have, etc).

Before we left, I talked to B and she said that the nurse told her that that she could go on the pill as soon as we get the meds ordered up & we will be READY TO SYNCH UP! B said that the Dr. said that if we get it started ASAP, we could have retrieval done by JUNE 1st!!!!! I don't realistically think it will be THAT quick (I called about ordering meds, but the nurse I needed to talk to was out yesterday, so hopefully Monday), but if we don't get it started soon, we will have to wait until July because B&C are going to Hawaii, leaving June 15th!

So that's where we stand! I have an email in to the nurse to check on ordering the meds & then hopefully we can start up right away!

Oh yeah, and this is what I got for my birthday from MIL, FIL, SIL & BIL:

And this is what G is getting me:

This, that & the other

Today was another day off for me, due to ultrasound & bloodwork for my prep cycle this morning. Once again, in my true, messed up fashion, my P4 is STILL elevated & I need to go back Monday for another u/s & b/w. I'm debating on whether or not I should try and rush around to get back, or just ask to get a sub for the whole day again. I hate missing my kids so much & I really need to get my evaluations done, but like I said, I hate hurrying to get back, too...I think I'm going to go to my classroom tomorrow (while I'm at the church for my friend's testimony speech) and get everything set up, just in case.

In other WONDERFUL news, we were both surprised & touched when we got the following email in our inboxes yesterday. I will cut & paste a copy of our pastor's weekly e-message that is sent out to the congregation:
e-Message From The Heart

"I know how you feel" is one of the most misused and hurtful phrases a person can utter. Unless we have been through almost the exact same experience, it is essentially impossible for us to know how another person feels.

Recently a childless couple trying to have a baby came to us with a request that we ask the congregation to pray and pass the word that they need to find a young woman, age 18 through 33, to donate eggs for fertilization and implantation.

In the Old Testament the inability to have children, called barrenness, was believed to be a curse from God. Today it remains one of life's greatest heartaches and hurts. It hurts so much that sometimes in our well meaning desire to comfort we say things that hurt even more.

It is especially difficult, I am told, to bare this sorrow in a church like ours where we are blessed by so many beautiful children and babies. But by the grace of God, modern medicine is making amazing strides. Now more couples who dream and pray of giving birth to a child of their own are seeing their prayers answered.

What is needed is an act of love. The donor will need to meet with doctors and take some medicine before the eggs are harvested. There is some financial support for the donor. The procedure is not painful but it is certainly a significant gift to give.

Please pray with me that the Holy Spirit will move the right person to step forward, and that the result will be a healthy child delivered to loving and grateful parents.

You or a potential donor can get more information from Pastor Wendy.

Psalm 113, verse 9 says: "He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the Lord!"
~Pastor Dave

So have I mentioned yet that I LOVE him? I told DH yesterday that I hoped it was ok with him that I loved the pastor. He said, "That's fine...but you do know you can't marry him, right?" And I replied, "Oh yeah, I know, he's already married, it's fine" - LOL - nevermind the fact that I, too, am already married. It's ok. He's a little too old for me anyway...

Please continue to pray...and if you wonder why I haven't posted in a while, it's because I've been entering contests like mad over at the bloggy giveaway carnival (button in my sidebar)!

Still searching...

Since several of you have been asking (via blog comments or my facebook), I will tell you that we've really made no headway in our search for an egg donor. Multitudes of gracious women have come forth to offer their eggs, but to no avail...everyone is either too old or too pregnant (LOL)...we continue to search and pray.

We are currently in the midst of our prep cycle for the study. The prep cycle consists (mostly) of the latter-portion of an IVF cycle. Basically, I will suppress using lupron (which is actually an early-stage IVF thing) to make sure my lining is fully gone & starting at square one, then I will start taking progesterone and estrogen supplements to thicken my lining. Their goal is to make sure they're using the best mix of meds possible to make my lining nice and plump (ie - cozy for those little embies that will hopefully settle in). Normally, they don't do a prep-cycle with birth control pills, but since my body is STILL all screwed up from that suspected endometrioma (the cause of my 72 day long cycle), they put me on the pill to regulate me out...I was supposed to get bloodwork done on January 2nd (CD 21), but couldn't because AF showed up early and, Jan 2nd ended up being CD2 instead! The nurse doesn't want that to happen again, so now they're controlling my cycles with BCP so that I can make it to CD21 for bloodwork.

While emailing with the nurse about my prep-cycle instructions, she let me know that my TSH (thyroid) level came back "slightly elevated," to which I mentally replied, "OH Dear Lord, for the love of Pete!" (whoever Pete is). Seriously? What is my body thinking now? Let's just throw another whacked-out number into the mix & see if the doctors can figure out how to handle yet ANOTHER curve ball in this 28-year-old medical anomaly body of mine. Seriously...I guess I shouldn't be too surprised though since TSH issues run in my family (brother, mom, cousins, aunt, grandparents)...but honestly, I just want to cry if they tell me something ELSE is wrong with me...

Two days back to work under my belt and all is well. I'm actually counting down the days until my ultrasound & b/w on the 23rd so that I can have a day off. With all of my frustrations with work lately, I have decided that if I need u/s & b/w, I will not be rushing around to get back to work afterwards. It's just too stressful and at this point, I need all the de-stressing I can get...especially when you consider that when this DE cycle does come about, this may very well be our best and last chance at ever having a biological (for G) child.

We're also discussing the possiblity of going down to Fl over Presidents' Day weekend (our 11 yr old nephew's baseball team is supposed to be going down for a few games) and also a vacation of some sort for our 5th anniversary. The thought of either of these makes me all giddy! :)

Please continue to pray for everything...

A day late and a dollar short...

Sorry, I am a day late with these pics, but here it is! G's birthday cake! And NO, I did not make this. Our neighbor is a cake artist and AMAZING! Isn't it adorable?


Don't you just want to pinch those adorable little gum-paste cheeks of his?

Happy Birthday, Gregg!

Happy birthday to the most wonderful guy on the face of God's great Earth! I love you!

PS - pics of his awesome cake coming tomorrow!

Being Thankful...

Lord knows I have so many things to be thankful for...I realize that I probably spend so much time on here griping about what I DON'T have that I must sound like an ungrateful little brat...but I really DO want to take the time to tell everyone how thankful I really am for all of the blessings I have...

My top 10 things to be thankful for this holiday season...
10. Internet friends - when life has got you down, you can trust your internet friends to pick you up. THANK YOU! You will never really understand how much your emails and blog comments of encouragement and sympathy really mean.
9. Our Health - aside from my broken, whacked out reproductive system, we are both very fortunate to have our health. We're alive, able to walk, breathe and work. What a blessing!
8. My kitty - since we have no children of our own, Faithy has filled the spot well for the past 5 or so years. She's quirky, fat, and scared of everything, but I love her to pieces!
7. Finding my earring yesterday - ok - I know - this one seems so strange, but it was totally a God thing, therefore I must write about it. On Tuesday evening, I put my hand up to my ear and realized that my three-stone-diamond earring was missing. I wear both of my pairs of earrings (the other being white gold hoops) non-stop. I don't even take them out to sleep in. They've been in my ears pretty much continuously for years. I don't even think I'm aware how often I put my hands up to my earlobes to make sure the earring backs are tight, etc., so when I realized the earring was missing, I was, in short, freaking out! I searched the entire house, inspecting every hair, dust bunny, or thread that caught my eye on the floor, but to no avail. G was very gracious about the whole ordeal, but I was so upset and emotional about it all (see item #2 on this list). I assumed the earring was gone for good. Yesterday, I went to work as usual & was talking to the first little girl who arrived at daycare when something caught on the floor caught my eye. Lo-and-behold! It was my earring...despite the fact that the area had been vacuumed the night before, the earring somehow remained, albeit somewhat worse for the wear. I took it to the jewelry store after work and got it straightened out & the back replaced, only to have G find the backing on the bathroom floor yesterday night. I had managed to go from our bathroom the whole way to work without the earring falling out! Wow! I don't think I could ever be that fortunate again!
6. Real life friends - Although it is so hard to keep in touch and keep up the kind of relationships that we used to have, I do cherish my real-life friends. We try to keep in touch via phone, facebook & occasional get-togethers (yay!), but it's kind of sad that I can honestly say that I don't have any friends here like the ones I made back home. I have a few people from G's work that I hang out with, but I know they don't know me in the same way as my "old friends" do...especially my high school & TAGG friends. So, if you're reading, I miss you terribly!
5. My job - Even though my current position (well, actually just the 3-year-old portion of it) frustrates.me.to.death, I know that I am very fortunate to be working, especially with our economy and many people being laid off, etc. My 4-year-olds are amazing & they make coming to work (at least 3 days a week) a true joy!
4. My family - G & I are both blessed with wonderful parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, & extended families. Both sets of our parents have provided & continue to provide for us in so many ways. They are such blessings!
3. Our new home - With the economy being the way it is, we were so fortunate to be able to sell our old home (in a month!) and comfortably settle into our new home this year. It was a completely unexpected turn of events that started back in April, but we could not be happier to be in our own little dream home!
2. Gregg! - G is definitely the one person in this world who "gets me." Even though he rolls his eyes when I'm overly emotional (who me?) and frustrates me to all-get-out with his ridiculous coaching schedules (let's not open THAT can of worms! k?), I do know that he's always there for me and truly wants me to be happy (not that it's all about me or anything). He's so silly & has a quiet, cheesy sense of humor that puts me into hysterics sometimes...yep, I think I'll keep him!
1. God! - I've been kind of a wayfaring follower lately. Personal issues with our infertility (and finances related to infertility), my job, and our infertility (wait? did I already mention that?) have really not been good for our relationship. I know I'm just lost right now & eventually, I'll find my way back to Him...but the wonderful part is that God knows where I'm at even when I'm lost...that little light is flickering in there somewhere & eventually, I'll have the strength to make it burn again...but for now, He's holding onto me by a thread & for that, I'm thankful.

Good-bye July...

Wow! I can't believe that July is almost over! This summer will be gone before you know it. I can't exactly say that it has flown by, because when I think back to my last day of preschool, or even back to our Disney trip, they don't seem like that recent of occasions, but I am sad to see the summer dwindling down to just another month, nonetheless.

I've been working at the daycare here and there, which has been nice, if for nothing else than to make a little money and get out of the house. The little rascals, who were constantly testing my patience at the end of the school year mind you, actually seemed thrilled to see me and they asked where I've been all summer :). On Friday, I get to go swimming with the little guys (ages 3-4) at the YMCA, so that's exciting!

A couple of weeks ago, I also had the opportunity to go home to my parents' house in central PA and help out at the huge multi-family yard sale. It was a moving sale of sorts for Gregg and I, so I was VERY excited to see that, when all was said and done, we had made about $150! It felt good to get rid of so many things. At the end of the two days, we only had about three plastic crates of stuff left, plus a box to give to Goodwill. My mom and I got to go out on the first day and do some yard-saling of our own, which was great. I LOVE yard sales because you just never know what you will find. Sure, there are a lot of sales that are just pure junk, but you'd be amazed at what you can find if you try. I got a corn-ear shaped cast-iron cornbread pan for $4. I got a Kenneth Cole handbag (which I think I'll use as a school bag) for $4. I got about 30 items for my prize box at preschool (dinosaur action figures, toy cars, princess crowns, etc), most at either $.05 or $.10 each! And then, at one sale, I hit the jackpot!!! There's a sweet woman who I know from church when I was growing up. She's petite like me and very stylish. She had a ton of small clothes and I had my arms full, just planning on buying it and then trying it on at home, and selling what didn't fit at our own yard sale. Well, she wouldn't hear of it - she took me inside her house and had me try on everything so that I wouldn't have to bother with it later! It was so nice! I got two pairs of dress pants, a pair of Levi jeans, a sweater, 3 shirts, lounge pants, and four books...our grand total for the day was about $20!! I was happy as a clam!

Anyway, enough about my semi-obsession with yard sales...and on to my other obsession...the Bloggy Giveaway carnival! I love it and I'm so excited that it's back! I've made it through about 300 of the giveaways so far and I'm still going strong!

Finally, in other blog news, I've been sad reading through friends' blogs and realizing that I haven't been able to do a Menu-Plan Monday in a very, VERY long time due to moving. Now, of course that means that I'm not responsible for cooking as much, but after cooking yesterday and today since it's just hubby and I at his parents' house, I can honestly say that I do miss it...Yesterday, we had steaks on the grill (olive oil & some grill seasoning) and I marinated some squash, zucchini and onions in balsamic vinaigrette dressing before grilling them as well! They turned out awesome! Today, I made this Easy Creamy Chicken and G and I loved that, as well! I served it with brown rice. It was super easy to prepare and really full of flavor. Yum-o! :)

PS - thanks to all of my wonderful bloggy friends (new and old) who have come out to offer their words of encouragement and support in my recent faith crisis. Rest assured that I do plan on thanking each of you individually, as I can. Please continue to pray...and if you have any suggestions on where to go (scripture passages, books, etc) I would be most grateful!

It's our Anniversary!!

Exactly four years ago today was the happiest day of my life! I married my best friend and things have only gotten better since. We've survived a lot of ups and downs lately (although it seems like the downs just keep on comin'), but we've remained strong and unified...and hey, we've lasted longer than half of Hollywood, so we must be doing something right, right?

To celebrate the special occasion, Gregg and I went out to our favorite restaurant, the Japanese hibachi steakhouse, and were entertained by our hibachi chef, Ferry. Thank goodness he didn't throw food at me to catch in my mouth...tonight, Gregg's mom is making crab cakes for dinner! We were originally supposed to go out to dinner at the hibachi tonight, but when we heard that crab cakes were on tonight's dinner menu at the house, we quickly changed our plans and decided for an anniversary lunch instead! Otherwise, we decided to keep it very low-key since money is tight right now. We exchanged cards and he bought me some flowers (yay!).

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

Good-bye 301 W 6th St (aka - we're homeless)!

With all of the commotion, I haven't had the chance to come on and write much (the meme was about all I could handle), but it must be done. I need to bid farewell to the home that's been Home Sweet Home for the first 4 years of our life as husband and wife.

It's been a good home to us...

• even if we did have to get the NEW air conditioner fixed every SINGLE year that we have been there.
• even though the crappy builder's-issue paint on the walls would scrub off down to the drywall if you tried washing the walls down or wiping off a scuff mark
• even if we did have to see our fire-fighting bachelor neighbor sunbathe himself semi-weekly on his back porch
• even though our loft/office was known to be about 95 degrees in the summer despite our central air

Wow - that didn't sound like it's been a good home to us...let's try again...

• It's the home where we sat on the living room floor and opened up all of our wedding gifts the day that we arrived home from our honeymoon
• It's the home where we've shared all of our heartaches and shattered dreams TOGETHER on this crazy road of infertility
• It's the home where we've hosted many'a game night for friends
• It's the place we've called home TOGETHER, where I was carried over the threshold when we returned home from our honeymoon.

Sunday was a sad, but bittersweet day for us. Our WONDERFUL friends (people from G's work and our church, plus family) rallied together (on the hottest day of the year so far) to move everything out of our house. It is honestly amazing how much stuff 2 people (and a cat) can accumulate in four years. I mean, our house wasn't overly-cluttered or heavily furnished and we're not pack rats by any stretch of the imagination, so we kind of couldn't believe our eyes when it took FOUR trips with the U-haul to get everything into G's parents' barn, aka second garage (thank God we didn't have to rent storage!). And it was jam-packed every time! It shouldn't have surprised us too much, though, considering that we had 19 boxes of JUST BOOKS on the bookshelves in our loft alone...but, we are teachers, after all! After the moving was over, G's parents hosted a cookout at their house (aka our new home). They have a pool, as well, which was a HUGE blessing on a 95+ degree day! Enjoy the pictures! I'll probably post another entry later today if I get a chance!

Moving Day Pictures

You will be missed, 301...onto bigger dreams.

What a whirlwind week?!?!

This past week has been one jumbled blur! We've slowly been packing up our house for our expected June 13th move-out, even though we hadn't gotten final confirmation from our realtor that the buyers' mortgage proposal had been approved. The house had to be inspected, as per their realtor's request, even though it is only 4 years old, and then it needed to be appraised since the new buyer is a veteran & is using veterans' assistance to buy the house...it needed to appraise for at least the sale price or his loan through the VA wouldn't be approved! Well, praise God, we found out on Sunday that not only was the loan approved, but they were wondering if we could move settlement up to the 10th...as in this coming Wednesday! So, needless to say, we've been scrambling to get the house packed up and everything we think we will need over the course of the next 4 months, shoved into college-student SIL's room (aka our new room) at my IL's house. They did also clean off their sun porch, so that DH & I could have a place to keep our computers set up, keep our cat (she isn't much for other people or animals), and have some privacy...well, as much privacy as you can get on a sun porch, anyway...a sun porch that is right off of FIL's study...I guess there'll be no late-night snogging going on on the sun porch ;) hehe

I've also still been working, but only part time, so that has been nice, albeit aggravating. To put it mildly, I have had it up *to here* with the after school kids...I told them today that if I had a dime for everytime I heard someone say "but that's not fair" while they were playing with each other the past few days, I would be a millionaire. They are all just getting on each other's nerves and simply ready for school to be over with. I have work tomorrow, then I'm off Thursday (for our niece's preschool graduation & birthday party in NJ) and I'm off on Friday (because we're leaving as soon as G gets home to go to my parents' house for a quick weekend trip). Next week, I work Monday through Thursday, and then I'm off for a while as I'm only filling in for co-workers who are on vacation..I CAN.NOT.WAIT!
Countdown to the big move: 5 days
Countdown to the shore trip w/ DH's coworker friends: 10 days
Countdown to the camping trip w/ my parents: 14 days
Countdown to the Disney trip w/ DH's parents: 25 days

Have a super summer!!!!!!!!!!!

Crawling out from under my rock...

I guess a week is a long enough mourning period, that I should now be crawling out from under my rock to say hello to everyone again...even though it doesn't feel like long enough. My tears are dried up for now...I have nothing left inside of me except hurt and emptiness...but I know I need to pick up and keep going because life goes on, even when I don't want it to. So here I am.

This past week has been the worst week of my entire life...not only has God told me that I'm not having a baby anytime in the next 9 months, but basically, I feel like I've been told that I will never bear my own child. I will never see our miniature reflection of Gregg and I running around our yard...and that hurts...it sucks...and it isn't fair. Even if my eggs are still good in there, we don't have enough money to give it another try. We don't have enough money to try donor eggs (which costs twice as much as regular IVF) and we don't have enough money to start even thinking about adoption...I know there are adoption grants out there, but my gut is telling me that I could possibly only have 5 more good child-bearing years left in me. And I won't be able to rest until I've been given the "I'm sorry, your time's up" speech...that will be my only form of closure on this...we won't be too old to adopt in another 5 years, but I may be too old to have my own child, so I just need to focus on getting pregnant right now...and we will worry about other things later...my in-laws approached me the other night about a possible way to fund another IVF for us, so I'm hopeful that I may be able to get at least one more shot at it...now the question is where to go? Do we stay with the current doctor (I don't want to but DH does) or do we go somewhere else with a doctor that specializes in poor responders, such as myself? In the meantime, I am researching possible IVF studies where I could get into an IVF cycle for free. So, that's where we are now...and my follow-up appointment with my current doctor isn't until...get this...JULY 8th. What in the heck? By then, you aren't even going to remember what happened in my cycle...how is the doctor even going to talk about it? And what if I wanted to get in on the next IVF cycle, then what? I would have to wait until August-September...just another reason for me to be friggin' frustrated with this doctor's office.

Work has been...work. My frustration started last week...remember when I told you that my boss said that she would come back to relieve me on the day of my pregnancy test if I got bad news? well...she saw me crying my eyes out to my other co-workers, but as she left for the day, I heard her say to some of the other people, "I'm going home! I've been here since 6:3oAM" and just like that, she left! I was so freaking ticked off...so, she threw me to the wolves on the worst day of my entire life...she made me stay there ALL DAY and suffer...all I wanted to do was be home with Gregg...but instead of doing her job and finding someone else to cover for me in what I considered to be an emergency situation, she just decides that she's done for the day and leaves. So ever since then, I have gotten frustrated with my work situation pretty easily. I LOVE teaching the preschoolers, but I hate the after school responsibilities and the fact that my boss isn't willing to make any changes...so I have to continue to suffer through it until June 11th, which is the end of the school-year program. After that begins the regular summer-camp program. I am freakin' counting down the days...and I'm never doing big-kid daycare again...EVER!

Speaking of work, I have a hilarious story to tell you today. We had beach day at preschool. We were supposed to go outside and play fun water games, etc, but the weather didn't exactly cooperate. It rained all day. So, we gave the kids the choice of watching the Little Mermaid or Jonah and the Whale (VeggieTales) . They laid on their beach towels on the floor, while wearing their swimsuits, sunglasses, etc. Because it's the end of our school year, we are also celebrating summer birthdays...so one of my students brought in ice cream cups for his birthday and another student's mom (who has 5 kids and works part time, mind you), made this cake (complete with blue Jello water and sugar candy rocks) for our Beach Day festivities...obviously she's insane. Anyway, the kids were having a great time when the birthday boy stood up during the movie to throw his garbage away...he's not the most coordinated of kids & ended up stepping right in someone else's half-eaten bowl of ice cream and cake. Before I even had time to think, he bent over, used his spoon to scrape the cake and ice cream off the bottom of his foot & he stuck it in his mouth and ate it!!!!!! I just sat there, mouth hanging open, flabbergasted...He then tried to use his spoon to scrape cake and ice cream off of the floor (that had previously been on his foot) and eat it...but I managed to intervene before that could happen.

Thank you, my sweet internet friends, for all of your prayers, kind words, and support. It was amazing to see old friends and new, lurking readers come out to lend their shoulders in my time of grief and need. Please comment more often...and I promise that once this week is over (my last week of preschool), I will be a better commenter on your blog, as well!!!