Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Life After Infertility

I've been swirling this post around in my head for a while now, trying to make sense of it. Trying to figure out what to write. Trying to figure out if I should write it at all. Truth be told, there really is no life after infertility, or success after infertility, or whatever you want to call it. No matter how you overcome your infertility demons, be it adoption, surgery, surrogacy, IVF or a miracle, nothing can repair the damage done by the countless tears you've cried, the sympathetic looks from friends and family members, the hurtful (though often well-intentioned) comments that people make, the painful pregnancy announcements where you paste the "I'm so happy for you" face on to mask the tears that are welling up behind it, the money you spent on making a baby that you had reserved for a baby. And then there's the weird curve ball that infertility throws at your marriage. When you take those vows, you never realize just how literally God takes them; how he pushes them to their utmost limits & tests you beyond measure.

But then there are the unexpected blessings...the crazy little things that you can somehow appreciate along the crooked & rocky path...and although I never would have chosen this path to parenthood in a million years, I can honestly say that it has made me count my blessings. And I definitely think it will make me a better parent. It has made our marriage so incredibly strong...stronger than any other couple our age that I know, actually. And I've learned about how giving of yourself can change someone's life completely, like Becki did for us. I certainly wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. Finally, there are the friends I've made; you, my bloggy buddies & my IF-support group girls who get "it" more than anyone else possibly could...how could I not admit that I'm at least a little grateful for the hand that I've been dealt?

Do you have blessings to share from your life with infertility?


Amy said...

Teri, I honestly think infertility makes me a better parent. I look at my son every day and think, "What if I didn't have him?" and I shudder to think about it. It literally brings tears to my eyes to think about if he weren't here. I have more patience with him than I see most parents have with their toddlers. I ENJOY him.

I think when you see your child, everything you went through is going to fade into the background. It won't be gone forever -- it's a part of you. But you're going to have an appreciation for your child that most people simply can't have, because it wasn't handed to you on a platter at your first request.

DaisyGal said...

I agree with Amy, it gives you perspective, (even when you're crazy like I have been raising toddlers) you are grateful, you are blessed, you FIND the good, because you know what it cost to be able to look for it.

I am so happy for you and this pregnancy...because it puts HOPE in the world for all of us , the women who will always be IF, but got to the other side and had a child placed in our arms.
I am almost thankful sometimes for the IF, because I take very little for granted now, and when I love, I love beyond myself....

my prayer is that you have all of that too...and that your terrible 2's are not nearly as bad as ours have been. LOL


Anonymous said...

Oh Teri, this post made me cry. So understand what you are asying. It's such a strange feeling to say I'm thankful for the heartache of the 9 years of my infertility. But I know without it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have my miracle babies. And while there are days that I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated at being a mom every second of every day and every time I look at my children I am so very thankful. So thankful that in God's perfect timing I got to be a mama.

Pixie said...

I guess in a way infertility has given me the life I have. If I were fertile, I'd likely have ended up pregnant as a teen (as my mother, sister, grandmothers and most other women in my family have) and not met my husband, had the wonderful career I've had, been able to travel, and got to know myself (all the good and bad parts) as I do now. I try to remember that although infertility feels like something was taken from me, it's also given me much.

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