Monday, October 09, 2006

I feel like I only ever write in here when I am depressed, but oh well - I guess those are the times that I need to vent my feelings the most...anyway, today has just been a blah day. G & I went to Boston for the weekend with his parents for a little trip to see his sister play field hockey. It was a really nice, relaxing weekend, but I feel so horrible that I still can't enjoy this time alone with G because I am so overwhelmed with the fears of never being a mother and the overall grueling wait...I am so tired of waiting at this point. I just want a baby - I'm not asking to move mountains - I just want to start a family and be a Mommy and feel like I've done something worthwhile with my life. G really tries to make me feel like what I am doing is meaningful, but when you have wanted to be a mother forever & all you could think about all through college was finding that right man, settling down and starting a family, waiting those 8 years for all those first steps to happen seems like long enough - I don't want to have to wait years and years for my babies to come. I just can't stand this kind of pain anymore. I really, truly hate life right now. :(