Winter, Shminter!

Bleh - this weather has really gotten to me lately. Maybe it's because I'm an adult now or maybe I'm just a wuss, but I can't get over how long the winters seem. I am SO ready for spring and sunshine and planting my garden...and it's barely January!

I can honestly say that I'm glad that 2009 is over & I hope that 2010 promises to be a better year. While we saw the happiest two weeks of our lives in 2009, we also found our darkest days and I am glad to start with a clean slate. I'm preparing to apply for a new job in the upcoming school year (though I've done that before but to no avail, so we shall see what the future holds). I've grown very tired of many things happening at my work place, but the biggest contributing factor to my decision is money. If we are unable to get PG on our FET (Feb/Mar), then we need to seriously start pursuing adoption...an avenue that we really cannot afford, especially on my measly church salary. I could be making 4x the money if I worked in a public school setting, so finding a job soon is imperative. I'm bummed at the prospects of doing all that work for what could possibly amount to nothing like it has in the past...

On the plus side of things, however, we got an awesome new TV for a Christmas present from G's family & so we naturally had to go out and get a new TV stand for it. The other one was an actual entertainment center, so the hole really wasn't big enough to house the new tv anyway. We weren't looking to spend a ton of money right now, but I also didn't want to get a junky piece of furniture that wouldn't last. We ended up going to a furniture warehouse (no seconds, mostly one-of-a-kinds and floor models) & found the perfect piece. It was a little more than I wanted to spend, however we got to the register and found that it was $100 cheaper than the tag price! Sweet! I love the way it looks in our living room & it seems like we've got so much more space in there now. This isn't the best pic (taken w/ G's phone), but you get the idea. This was also before the HD was installed.

I've been doing some great bargain shopping lately, like $.45 candle bulbs for my window candles from Rite-Aid's 75% off Christmas section. I've also found a few great deals at my local supermarket. Using the Healthy Choice $5/off 5 frozen meals, I got 5 frozen French Bread pizzas for $.19 each! Check out my friend Melissa's site, Stockpiling Moms, for more great deals! I've got a button for the site on my sidebar!

Angels Among Us

Of course after my recent rantings and ravings about how hard Christmases have become, I have to admit that this was honestly the best Christmas that we've had in the nearly 4 years since we've received our IF diagnosis. Not only did I not bawl through the entire Christmas Eve service, but I barely shed a tear (only through the silent prayer time). I was pretty proud of myself...

Santa was also very good to us this year - in more ways than one! We got some nice new clothes, a Swivel Sweeper, some Le Creuset enameled pots (yay!), and quite a few gift cards and money! G also got me a beautiful blue ring, his birth stone! I definitely feel very blessed and extremely spoiled!

But that's not even the best or most amazing part of my Christmas. It seems that yes, Teri, there IS a Santa Claus! Two days before Christmas, I went out to my mailbox and discovered a nice little stack of Christmas cards amongst all the junk mail. One stuck out to me, however, because it was addressed only to me (and not to G as well). I immediately tore into it and could not believe what I saw...It said "Teri - Thank you for keeping the Christmas spirit alive. May all your wishes come true in 2010 ~Santa" and tucked inside were FIVE $100 bills!?!?!?! There was no return address & I don't personally know anyone who lives in the city where it was postmarked...we put a little extra in the plate at church on Christmas Eve and put the rest into the savings account, most likely to help pay for our FET in Feb-Mar & the unexpected property tax bill that we just got. Once we get our tax return back, we will definitely be paying it forward. This is one of those things you hear about in the movies and think it never really happens to "real" people. I am STILL in disbelief.

Random act of Christmas kindness from a stranger? Or a loved one showering us with anonymous (and tricky) blessings? We'll never know...all I know is that there really IS a Santa Claus!!!

bad, bad blogger

Every time I think I'm going to do better with blogging, something else comes up. Combining work with cheerleading has been rough! I did want to type a quick post about the holidays though. I absolutely love Christmas! I love everything about it...I love the music, I love decorating, I love buying presents, I love the foods & smells, I love wrapping presents, the whole nine yards. Yet every year, I feel emptier and emptier...and I don't know how much longer I can do Christmases like this.

This is our 9th Christmas together as a couple, 6th as a married couple & 5th since we've started TTC. And every year hurts more than the previous. I bawl through Christmas eve service at church every single year....because let's face it, Christmas IS all about a baby. And knowing that I should've been big & fat & 5 months pg right now makes this Christmas especially painful.

And then there's my extended family...

I was talking online w/ my mom just now about how frustrated I am with my side of the family at Christmas. Every year for the past 7 years or so, I attempt to arrange some type of gift exchange and it's always met with a wishy-washy blah response. No one ever wants to commit to anything, despite me giving a bunch of different suggestions. (Elfster Pollyanna, Gift Card exchange, White Elephant, etc) At first I thought maybe it's just me and I'm overly sensitive because I love Christmas SO much and maybe some people aren't AS enthused as me. Ok. Fine. But after giving all these suggestions my aunt (whom I DO love) has found something wrong with every single one of them and keeps pushing the game that she wants to do, which I hate (bring a wrapped gift for yourself, everyone unwraps a gift & tries to decide who it belongs to...isn't the point of Christmas in GIVING?) Games like that, to me, make it just like any other game/any other holiday...we might as well sit around and play scrabble, you know? I want to buy something for someone else, not myself!

Then I started talking to DH about it and I ended up breaking down, crying because my family Christmas is supposed to be my "safe" place. There are no young kids (the youngest of the grandkids is 19 - I'm the one expected to have the babies at this point)...I guess maybe that's why there's no Christmas spirit. DH's family party is fun, but very, very hard for me. G has 8 brothers & sisters who combined have 10 children...4 of whom have been born in the time that we've been TTC, and another is on the way. We were supposed to have baby #7 & they're already on #11. DH gets it...he just held me as I cried and said he understood when I explained what I meant by my "safe Christmas" with my family...and he agreed that my extended family party is lame, except when we're hanging out with my 19 yr old cousin who is so much fun!

I guess what I'm asking is for my family to prove to me that Christmas can be a special time whether you are a child or not...or whether you HAVE a child or not. Thank God for my mom - she basically sent out an ultimatum email asking everyone to put in their two cents since time is running out...she apologized that their house won't be decorated, but I assured her that decorations do not make Christmas...joy, hope and giving do!

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a blessed 2010! May you find joy through your struggles & hope in the promise of the Lord!

Black Saturday?

Every year, my mom and I usually brave the crowds (albeit later in the day) on Black Friday in search of great deals. It's amazing how no one is out and about anymore around 10AM! Because of our Thanksgiving schedule this year, we ended up going on Saturday, but I think we did just as well! I did a great deal of gift card shopping (from cards that I've earned as rewards on survey & shopping sites) and there were amazing sales to be had!

I ended up getting 6 shirts (4 kids, 2 adults) at Old Navy for $27, all of which I paid for with a gift card, so that was bargain shopping with a bonus!

I got 3 shirts and a sweater at Penney's, also using a gift card and their sale, spending only $30 out of pocket (that's less than the value of the sweater alone!).

I got a pair of pants and a pair of shoes at Ross (ok those were for myself and NOT Christmas presents), valued at $70 for $22!

And best of all, my mom got to see me in action at Rite-Aid! After a mad search for the store based on internet directions (and deciding that it must have gone out of business only to find it an hour later!), we finally found the store right before lunch! I only went in with single-check rebate/sale/coupon items in mind! If I can post a pic later of my goodies, I definitely will! I bought 1 Herbal Essences Shampoo, 1 Wet-Ones wipes canister, 1 Oral B toothbrush, 1 Scope Mouthwash, 1 bottle of store brand Centrum, 1 box Tampax tampons & 2 bottles of Suave body wash...by combining my coupons with store sales, my $5/$25 Rite-Aid printable coupon, plus a $10 savings certificate that I earned in their Fall Rewards program, I ended up paying $.28 out of pocket! Combine that with the $10 I'll be receiving back in Single Check Rebates & I made out with $36 worth of products PLUS a $9.72 profit AND I qualified for another $5 savings certificate! My mom thought I was incredible! :)

Ten Things Tuesday

This week of Thanksgiving always reminds us that we have much to be thankful for...

10. I'm very thankful to have a job...while my boss sometimes frustrates me and the kids sometimes frustrate me and the pay ALWAYS frustrates me, I know that I have something that other people wish they had.

9. I'm thankful for my family - they are so supportive of all our endeavors and in every way they can be.

8. I am thankful for my health. Although the last few weeks have been rough (I've had a cough and haven't been able to hear due to fluid in my ears), I know that my struggles are trivial at best, when compared to the struggles people have daily.

7. I am thankful for my friends...both near, far, internet pals and real-life confidants. They've gotten me through some rough patches.

6. I am thankful for life. After our terrible accident, we see just how fragile it is.

5. I am thankful for my furbaby, Faithy. She keeps me company and shows me she loves me (and I think she knows I need that!!)

4. I'm thankful for our home. We did some painting over the weekend and it looks so awesome! I'm so thankful for all of G's hard work!

3. I'm thankful for my church...although we've only attended once since we did our IVF cycle, some friends from the church continue to reach out and pray for us. We're not in the best of places with God right now (and the holidays always make that harder), but I know this is just a season and our hearts are taking lots of time to heal.

2. I'm thankful that we're never in want of the things we need. While there's always more that we want, we certainly cannot complain!

1. Finally, I am thankful for G. He has been my rock over these past few months. When we had our miscarriage, I know that he was grieving too, but he was my constant and was so strong for the both of us! I thank God everyday for him!

Little update

Just thought I would pop in with a little update. I went for my RPL screening yesterday after work. I got there & sat down and got an eyeful of all the vials that the phlebotomist needed to fill for me. After what I thought was a few vials, I told her that I was feeling really dizzy. Before I knew it, I heard the phlebotomist calling for help, there were smelling salts under my nose, a straw with apple juice being shoved in my mouth, an ice pack on my head & and four nurses/phlebotomists/office workers surrounding me! The doctor came in and told me that I was even paler than normal (which is about as ghostly as they come!).

The worst part was, they hadn't finished before I had passed out and I had to go lie down for the other three vials from the other arm! When all was said and done, I had given 13 vials and definitely discovered the hard way why people of my stature are not allowed to donate blood!

Results should be in in about a week...

Muddling through Monday

Today just seemed like one of those days that I muddled through. I have been sick for over a week now. Despite going to the doctor and getting a diagnosis of "Eustachian tube dysfunction" I've gotten no relief from my Sudafed and Flonase. I woke up in the middle of the night last night hacking and coughing, only to wake G up. I took some cough medicine and went to sleep in another room, which made me purely exhausted today! And to top it all off, the doctor told me that if it continues to happen (where my ears aren't draining properly), I might have to get tubes in them (for the fourth time!)! I can't imagine doing that as an adult...but a couple days off of work wouldn't be so bad...

After work, I went to visit my friend (fellow-infertile) Kelli & help out with her twins (8wk old!). They are adorable and oh-so-sweet! It was good to get my baby fix (and no, I'm not germy and contagious...just some sort of nasally drip making me cough)!

I also called to make an appt. to have my RPL screenings done on Wednesday & I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! Yay!

Since I've got the next 2 weeks off of cheerleading, I'll most likely be trying out a few new recipes! Tonight, I typed "what can I make with 2 chicken breasts?" into google & came up with this recipe, which we both gave two thumbs up!

Dijon Chicken

3 boneless, skinless breasts (I used 2)
1/2 cup butter, melted (I used 1/2 stick and had more than enough!)
1/2 tbsp dijon mustard
1/2 tbsp worcestershire
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/8 cup parmesan cheese

Combine butter, mustard, worcestershire and garlic.
Combine bread crumbs and parmesan in a dish.
Dip chicken in butter mixture, then crumbs. Bake 375° 45 minutes. (I pounded my chicken on the thinner side & only baked for 25 minutes!)

I served the chicken with mashed potato pancakes (made with last night's mashed potatoes). I simply mixed the potatoes with an egg & dropped them by the tablespoonful into a hot skillet until they were brown and crisp on both sides! Don't make them much bigger than a tablespoon or they will fall apart as you're turning them!

I'll keep you posted about the results of my RPL...please pray...

Friday Funny

It's no secret that 3-year-olds aren't my favorite age group...but sometimes, you've gotta laugh at the things they say and do in their attempts to make sense of this crazy world.

Yesterday, one of my kiddos was taking too long in the bathroom, so I went to check on her. I found her standing there with her tights still down around her ankles, her dress hiked up around her waist, staring into the toilet at her #2. When I told her she needed to move a little quicker, she said, "Mrs. S...come look at the mermaid I made!"

sorry, sorry, sorry

I know I've been a horrible blogger and a horrible bloggy friend - please forgive me! I'm going to try to get back on the weekly post bandwagon! In my defense, I've been trying harder to be more diligent in tasks in the house and in working out, so obviously something's gotta give! I've got a 2 week break from cheerleading coming up, so hopefully that will help things! And then we've got competitions, basketball cheering & Christmas coming and it's all downhill from there!

G told me I had to get online and blog about my coupon savings this week...I think this may very well be one of my best trips ever! I went to Rite-Aid specifically to redeem a few coupons...little did I know how well I would do!

I got Tide detergent (50 oz), Cascade action packs, Kashi GoLean Crunch, Listerine Smart Agent Rinse & a can of cream of chicken soup (a $28 value) for........

$.75!!!

Yes, really...ok, so maybe I'm the only nerd who gets a high from that! :)

Here's how I did it....

• Kashi was on sale for $2.49 this week...Rite-Aid had a $.50 coupon in their flyer, and I had a $2 off coupon that came with a Kashi free sample! That gave me a $.01 overage! I also have 3 more coupons for $1.50 off each box, but I could only use one of the Rite-Aid coupons at a time, so I'll have to go back later in the week!
• The Tide was on sale for $5.99 this week!
• The Cascade action packs were on sale for $2.99!
• The cream of chicken soup (store brand) was on sale for $.79!
• The Listerine Smart Agent rinse was on sale for $3.99; I had a $1 off coupon from the Sunday paper (a while ago) and a $2 off coupon from the Rite-Aid Oral Care coupon booklet, making it just $.99!
• Finally, I had a $10 off coupon for purchasing $50 worth of Zyrtec products over the past few months (which I really only ended up spending about $25 on!)
  

Find out how others do the same at Deal Seeking Mom

Wishing I had more time

Now is always the time of the year where I start wishing (and continue wishing for the next two months) that there were more hours in a day. I just can't squeeze in everything that I want to do! Be it at home, at school, WHEREVER, I just can never seem to get caught up! I sat down at school today and tried to map out my plans through December to at least figure out what letters I will be covering and when our holiday programs will fit in, etc. It reminded me how quickly these next two months will go at school, so I definitely can't waste any time!!! So much to do! So little time!

For those of you who are still hanging in there with me after my extended hiatus, I guess I should update you on my follow-up with the RE. According to him (and I'm not taking this as gospel at this point), my miscarriage was caused, again, by poor egg quality. So I can't even win with a donor :( I've been nervous about calling B to let her know because I know she'll feel bad about the situation (even though it's absolutely not her fault). So I've kind of been putting it off for a few weeks now.

Thanks for all your words of concern from our accident. Things are slowly starting to come together & my car should be fixed by the end of the month, at the latest. Thank God for insurance, since we don't happen to have $4000 just lying around! No word yet on whether or not the drunk driver had insurance, though :(

Wow, craziness

As you know, I haven't written in a while because I've been incredibly busy with work and coaching cheerleading....and also because I've been horribly mad at God.

Well, this weekend was a wake-up call. We were in Philly for our niece's 5th birthday party & we left her house a little before 9. We were sitting at a red light. We heard a huge crack like a bomb went off & I looked up at G & I screamed because I saw the car beside us hit into G's side of the car. We immediately heard ppl saying to call 911 (I hadn't yet realized the extent of what had happened), so G & I stayed in the car to call 911 & then got out. We saw about 7 cars involved. A truck had flipped and a guy was partially pinned under it. And there was a small red car that had been very badly mangled. We didn't know what to do (G can't stand the sight of blood and I was too shaken up to do anything but stand there and shake). They got the guy out from under the truck and realized that he was majorly drunk, hadn't been wearing his seatbelt & there was a big hole in his windshield where his head had hit it. Apparently, he clipped a car that was in our lane, but back a ways. Instead of putting on his brakes, he gunned it and plowed right into the red car (the mangled one), and then hit into the other red car, which ran into us. When they asked him if he had been drinking, he stumbled around and said "just a little."

But this story just keeps getting better. People noticed a carseat in the back of the drunk man's truck, so they immediately began asking him if he had a baby with him. He said he had an 11 month old, but it was no where to be found. Finally, they got it out of him that he didn't have the baby with him. He had left him/her at home.....ALONE. In this case, I think bad parenting saved that child's life because the car seat wasn't installed properly and was hanging out of the window. That baby would have been dead.

We ended up staying at the scene until after 11PM. They had to tow my car, but they couldn't call the tow service in right away because they had CSI ppl there taking a million pictures and using spray paint to mark exactly where everything was in case the passenger in the car dies & the drunken idiot gets pressed with vehicular manslaughter (as he should).

Luckily, G's parents had left the party just before us & were headed down to the shore, so we called them right away & they came to wait with us & then took us to the shore with them for the night. We drove back (in their car) today and will borrow it until we figure out what is going on.

Here is the news story associated w/ our accident:
http://www.phillyburbs.com/news/local/courier_times/courier_times_news_details/article/28/2009/october/11/multi-vehicle-crash-on-route-1-baby-found-home-alone.html

Thanks for your prayers...this was definitely a wake-up call to us...we KNOW someone is watching out for us

the drunkard's truck (look closely out the window & you can see the car seat)

this is the drunkard's truck again to see how close it was to our car

this is the the damage that the truck did to the car that hit us

and this is the car that got the worst of it - we're not sure if the passenger survived...

A product review: Burt's Bees Skin Care

I realize that this isn't the kind of update that most of you have been waiting for from me (sorry I've still been gone, there honestly hasn't been much to say and I'm still fending off the blues at times). I promise that next week, after my follow-up with the doctor (Thursday), I will post an update and let you all know what's going on.

Instead, I'm going to post about my newest product trial, Burt's Bees Skin Care line. We all know & love their lip balms, so I was really excited to be able to give the skin care products a try.

I have very sensitive, acne prone skin, which is a terrible combination. Most products used to treat acne are too harsh on sensitive skin & vice versa with sensitive skin products. I was really excited to read that these products were all natural. In my test kit, I received the face wash (liquid) and blemish spot treatment. Both have a licorice-y smell (especially the spot treatment product), which is a bit overpowering at first, but goes away after it's been on a while. You probably wouldn't want to put the spot treatment on in the morning anyway, but it's perfectly fine for bed time.

I can happily say that both products have really changed the quality of my skin over the past month! The redness has subsided & any blemishes seem to go away more quickly than usual. The only draw-back for me is the price ($9 and up per product), but I honestly only use a little bit at a time. After one month's usage, I've barely used 1/4 bottle from each product, so even that's not bad. I'm hoping to find some coupons so that I can continue using this product.

If you would like to review products & make a Bzzz about them, check out Bzzagent.com or comment with your email address (don't worry, I won't publish it) and I'll send you a referral email! :) If you would like to try the spot treatment, let me know and I can mail an sample vial out to you (only have a couple left!)

I'm back

Well - I'm creeping back out into the real world. Thank you all for your kind comments and emails through this tough time. I guess you could say I'm still in recovery mode. Most of the time I'm "fine" (in a relative sense of the word) but then I hear a song on the radio (Miley Cyrus's the Climb is the WORST) and I completely lose it...baby steps, baby steps (even saying that makes me cringe...maybe I should say itty-bitty steps, itty-bitty steps).

In other news, I have an appointment set up for a phone consultation with the RE on October 1st. I am very much looking forward to this. I already have a plan of action in my head, so I'm really hoping that the doctor agrees with my line of thinking..

And because I really don't have anything else to post about (other than the impending doom that is the first day of school tomorrow), I'll do a MPM for the week...

Monday - Labor Day - burgers on the grill & homemade baked potato chips (modified this recipe)
Tuesday - Haluski (with cabbage) w/ my bloggy buddy Candi's spaetzle
Wednesday - Wing night for G, so leftovers for me
Thursday - Chicken Pot Pie using leftover chicken from the chicken noodle soup I made over the weekend
Friday - Something on the run before G's football game

Chicken Pot Pie recipe (from my friend Ruthie):
Sautee chopped onions, carrots & celery in olive oil. Sprinkle 2-3 Tbsp. flour over veggies and add 1 can of chicken broth (add peas, corn, etc if desired). Bring to a boil until it thickens. Add 2 cups of cooked cubed potatoes and bite-sized pieces of cooked chicken. Pour into pie crust & put the second crust on top (poke holes w/ a fork). Bake @ 350 until crust is golden brown and the inside bubbles up!

Where do we go from here?

I officially started miscarrying last night. How do you pick up and move on when the one true shot you ever thought you had at being a mother is literally going down the toilet?

How do I keep going through the motions this week knowing full well that if I peed on a pregnancy test, "Pregnant" would still pop up before my eyes in a matter of seconds?

How do you get on with the rest of your life?

How do you have hope for the future?

How can you go on believing that there really is a God and that your life has any significance to Him when life's events blatantly point out that He could care less?

How could a God who supposedly loves us so much sit by and watch our hearts being broken and simply call it part of "His plan"?

How will I ever believe again that there is power in prayer when we literally had hundreds of people praying for us each and every step of the way, and for what? Breathing the ceremonial sigh of relief only to have the rug swiftly pulled out from under us.

How can I have faith that our last chance at ever becoming biological parents (at least for one of us) will actually work?

How long will it take for me to get through a day without crying and thinking about what could have been, what should have been?

Why do I get no comfort in knowing that I now have TWO angel-babies in heaven instead of here with me?

It's all over...

It's all over...u/s today confirmed the "mass" was the same size or smaller than what they saw three days ago. And our other m/c was exactly two years ago yesterday. I just have no words anymore.

so scared

Things aren't looking so good and I'm unbelievably scared and can't stop crying. I went for ultrasound & bloodwork today. The results of the ultrasound were inconclusive (which I later found out should have been expected due to being so early), as the RE basically saw nothing except something which "may or may not be a gestational sac." So now, we have to wait again until Friday to see what happens. As if I haven't already been tortured enough, my hcg levels still went up according to the bloodwork today, but they didn't double nearly as well as they should have based on last week's doubling rate. A week ago, my level was 241 (quadrupled from original beta) and now it has just barely doubled in an entire week (560). That's just.not.good.

Please pray...
Matthew 6:25-34

Torturing myself

This week has, in my opinion, been far more torturous than all the previous weeks in this IVF cycle combined. The week after the retrieval was kind of aggravating, but I knew the wait was worth it so that we could transfer the embryos that were the "best of the best." The week after transfer was annoying as I analyzed every little twist and turn I made with my body, wondering "Did I just lift something too heavy or make a turn that could harm a possible baby, or (fill in the blank)?"

This week, however is just plain torturous. Knowing that I'm pregnant, but not experiencing any symptoms has been absolutely driving me insane. Every time I feel the slightest bit of wetness in my underwear, I'm rushing to the bathroom to make sure it's not blood. Every time my bbs stop hurting for part of the day, I convince myself that I'm no longer pregnant (like I'm doing right now). To be perfectly honest, I had been feeling more symptoms (maybe they were all psychosomatic?) early on than I do now. I swore I was having indigestion, bloatiness, crampiness, sore bbs & mild nausea, but honestly I'm feeling fine. No fatigue. No morning sickness. No ANYTHING...

What will I do tomorrow if we get to the u/s and there's NOTHING there? THIS is what infertility has done to me...

Here's the verdict...

After reading the input from all of you, I thought long and hard about what to do about my blog. I really appreciated that 2 fellow infertiles, Kara & Amy, who have gone on to find success after infertility, encouraged me to document every single moment of this pregnancy because it will seem to fly by so quickly. I know that I will want to have some way of remembering every tiny twinge, twang, flutter and kick that I feel, so I've decided to start a second blog, The Making of the Scholl Family. I will use that blog as my true pregnancy journal & I'll continue to pick and choose some of the entries to cut & paste into this blog, for those of you who aren't ready for the uncensored pregnancy talk. I hope that's a solution that works for everyone. You're all so valuable to me and I thank God everyday for the amazing friendships I've made in bloggyland!

I've added the link over in my sidebar, under my profile info.

Your Thoughts?

As I'm sure you realize, we are far from being out-of-the woods, as far as this baby (or these babies) are concerned. I'm feeling great & so far, have no symptoms (I think I should be considered 4w5d today) & our 1st u/s is scheduled for Tuesday to see what we can see in there. We're VERY excited, but VERY cautiously optimistic at the same time.

But, regardless of what happens, I need some input from my readers concerning the direction you would like to see this blog take now, particularly those of you who are still in the trenches of infertility. Of course the name of the blog will not change, as I will always remain infertile; however I also remember what it feels like to be one of the ones who is "left behind." I remember how much it hurt and how I felt so certain that my dream to be a mommy would never be realized and I would forever be left behind. I couldn't live with myself knowing that this blog has made someone (especially another infertile) hurt and feel the same way.

At the same time, however, I know that when I was hurting, I did take comfort in knowing that even though these women had struggled and hurt just like I did, they somehow found joy again and eventually saw their dreams come to fruition. Whether it be through adoption like my bloggy buddy Melissa, or adoption & then a surprise pregnancy like my buddy Missy, and the countless other blogs (miracle stories) I follow in my sidebar and in my profile, I have learned that there are many roads that could lead you to the end of your journey.

So here is where I need your help. Where would you like this blog to go? Obviously, I'm not going to be spouting off about my woes of pg symptoms (because I remember how many times I saw other girls complaining and I thought about how I'd give my right arm for their morning sickness and round-ligament pain), but I also know the reality that it would be very hard not to talk about a pregnancy at all...and I don't want to lose any of you as readers, so I would greatly appreciate an email or comments about the new path that this blog will take.

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Wordless Wednesday

(If you're my friend on FB, don't mention anything there, please! We're waiting to tell the rest of my family (more than just parents) for a couple of weeks.)