Crawling out from under my rock...

I guess a week is a long enough mourning period, that I should now be crawling out from under my rock to say hello to everyone again...even though it doesn't feel like long enough. My tears are dried up for now...I have nothing left inside of me except hurt and emptiness...but I know I need to pick up and keep going because life goes on, even when I don't want it to. So here I am.

This past week has been the worst week of my entire life...not only has God told me that I'm not having a baby anytime in the next 9 months, but basically, I feel like I've been told that I will never bear my own child. I will never see our miniature reflection of Gregg and I running around our yard...and that hurts...it sucks...and it isn't fair. Even if my eggs are still good in there, we don't have enough money to give it another try. We don't have enough money to try donor eggs (which costs twice as much as regular IVF) and we don't have enough money to start even thinking about adoption...I know there are adoption grants out there, but my gut is telling me that I could possibly only have 5 more good child-bearing years left in me. And I won't be able to rest until I've been given the "I'm sorry, your time's up" speech...that will be my only form of closure on this...we won't be too old to adopt in another 5 years, but I may be too old to have my own child, so I just need to focus on getting pregnant right now...and we will worry about other things later...my in-laws approached me the other night about a possible way to fund another IVF for us, so I'm hopeful that I may be able to get at least one more shot at it...now the question is where to go? Do we stay with the current doctor (I don't want to but DH does) or do we go somewhere else with a doctor that specializes in poor responders, such as myself? In the meantime, I am researching possible IVF studies where I could get into an IVF cycle for free. So, that's where we are now...and my follow-up appointment with my current doctor isn't until...get this...JULY 8th. What in the heck? By then, you aren't even going to remember what happened in my cycle...how is the doctor even going to talk about it? And what if I wanted to get in on the next IVF cycle, then what? I would have to wait until August-September...just another reason for me to be friggin' frustrated with this doctor's office.

Work has been...work. My frustration started last week...remember when I told you that my boss said that she would come back to relieve me on the day of my pregnancy test if I got bad news? well...she saw me crying my eyes out to my other co-workers, but as she left for the day, I heard her say to some of the other people, "I'm going home! I've been here since 6:3oAM" and just like that, she left! I was so freaking ticked off...so, she threw me to the wolves on the worst day of my entire life...she made me stay there ALL DAY and suffer...all I wanted to do was be home with Gregg...but instead of doing her job and finding someone else to cover for me in what I considered to be an emergency situation, she just decides that she's done for the day and leaves. So ever since then, I have gotten frustrated with my work situation pretty easily. I LOVE teaching the preschoolers, but I hate the after school responsibilities and the fact that my boss isn't willing to make any changes...so I have to continue to suffer through it until June 11th, which is the end of the school-year program. After that begins the regular summer-camp program. I am freakin' counting down the days...and I'm never doing big-kid daycare again...EVER!

Speaking of work, I have a hilarious story to tell you today. We had beach day at preschool. We were supposed to go outside and play fun water games, etc, but the weather didn't exactly cooperate. It rained all day. So, we gave the kids the choice of watching the Little Mermaid or Jonah and the Whale (VeggieTales) . They laid on their beach towels on the floor, while wearing their swimsuits, sunglasses, etc. Because it's the end of our school year, we are also celebrating summer birthdays...so one of my students brought in ice cream cups for his birthday and another student's mom (who has 5 kids and works part time, mind you), made this cake (complete with blue Jello water and sugar candy rocks) for our Beach Day festivities...obviously she's insane. Anyway, the kids were having a great time when the birthday boy stood up during the movie to throw his garbage away...he's not the most coordinated of kids & ended up stepping right in someone else's half-eaten bowl of ice cream and cake. Before I even had time to think, he bent over, used his spoon to scrape the cake and ice cream off the bottom of his foot & he stuck it in his mouth and ate it!!!!!! I just sat there, mouth hanging open, flabbergasted...He then tried to use his spoon to scrape cake and ice cream off of the floor (that had previously been on his foot) and eat it...but I managed to intervene before that could happen.

Thank you, my sweet internet friends, for all of your prayers, kind words, and support. It was amazing to see old friends and new, lurking readers come out to lend their shoulders in my time of grief and need. Please comment more often...and I promise that once this week is over (my last week of preschool), I will be a better commenter on your blog, as well!!!

I knew it...

I tested this morning - BFN :( :( :(

Tomorrow is the day...

I can finally say it...24 hours from now, I'll know my fate. And as much as I hate to be a pessimist right now, I continue to prepare myself for the worst. It isn't that I have any hard and fast signs that our doom is impending, but after being beaten to the ground and kicked while I'm down for the past 3 years, I just have a hard time being a shining optimist these days. In all honesty, I haven't had any signs or symptoms leaning in either direction, but then again, with all of the progesterone I'm hopped up on right now, I suppose that anything is possible, since it does tend to mask or mimic some of the PG symptoms.

Even though I've never been a POAS-happy kind of person (that's pee on a stick for the non-IF-lingo inclined), Gregg wants me to test in the morning so that we find out the news together. He doesn't want me to get terrible or happy news via a phone call and then have to wait to get a hold of him when he would have a free period at school. I definitely understand where he's coming from, but part of me would rather just let fate run its course. Although I'm sure I will POAS just to humor him...and so that I don't have to worry about not being able to take the call if my preschoolers should happen to be having some typical 3-year-old crisis that I just CAN'T avoid.

I asked my boss today if there would be any way that she could come back tomorrow afternoon and relieve me of my afternoon shift, since I know that work is the LAST place I will want to be if I get bad news tomorrow. I'll want to be at home snuggling with Gregg and crying my eyes out until I fall asleep...

On those lines, let me tell you that G and I have been praying like fiends these past few days...I know it sounds terrible to heap on those extra prayers when times are tough (I mean, shouldn't we be praying our hearts out all the time?), but it's been a source of comfort to me to be able to pour my heart out to God and know that he feels what my heart's feeling...he knows how much I want this baby...how much WE want this baby, but I can't get over the nagging feeling of how angry I will be with God if things just don't work out. I hate feeling that way. I hate being a fair-weather Christian. But I also hate that my life hasn't turned out AT ALL the way that I had thought it would. I know, I know...our plans aren't God's plans. And I guess that's the mystery of it all, but I can't shake the feeling of wondering what my purpose in this life could possibly be, if it isn't to mother children? Please pray...please, please pray.

And to leave you on a happier (but might-make-you-cry-a-little) note, let me tell you what G did for me yesterday. He knows that Mother's Day has been a rough day for me over the past 3 years. This year was especially rough, knowing that we would have a 1-2 month old baby right now if we hadn't lost it to a chemical pregnancy back in August...They always recognize Mother's Day at church...but since one of our pastors struggled with infertility for MANY years herself (and went on to adopt), the church community is very sensitive to those who cannot have children, who have lost children, or who have lost their mothers, as this can be a not-so-happy time. They showed a really funny video (you can watch it here) about all of the things that moms do in a single day (summed up in about 3 minutes) & then at the end of the service, all of the men in the congregation went up to the front to "serenade" us with a Men's Choir rendition of Awesome God & Blessed Assurance. Needless to say, I sobbed through most of the service...just the nature of the day is enough to put me on edge, but knowing that just 2 days later would seal our fate for all Mother's Days to come...well, I was a basket case. So, we came home afterwards...I napped & showered. When I got out of the shower...there on my pillow, I see a tiny purple card with my name on it. I open it up to find a card that says...Mother's Day...it's a time for celebrating women who guide with strength and listen with love - wonderful women like you! And then DH wrote, "I'm not sure if this is it for us, but I hope you realize that you WILL be a Mommy someday! If it is it, then Happy Mother's Day from the little one(s) - and Faithy [our cat] too. I love you!! ~G" That guy sure knows how to make a girl cry...

I'll make a post tomorrow evening too! I promise!

Thanks & a few IVF odds & ends...

I just wanted to take the time to tell you THANK YOU for all of the support & kindness that you, my bloggie friends, have shown over the past week. It has been a whirlwind of events & we feel so blessed to have loving, caring people in our lives (both old friends & new acquaintances) to continually pray and offer words of encouragement! Gregg and I were just talking and commenting on how awesome it is to think about how many people know about our situation and are praying for us...it actually made me kind of teary & emotional...so what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

On a related note, this 2ww is KILLING ME! It seems like so long ago since I've been hopeful during the 2ww that I forgot what it was like to over-analyze every twinge, pang, and twang of my body...like today, I've experienced a cramp in my side that's lasted for several hours now (like you would get during a long run...not that I would know what that's like or anything), two dizzy spells, and a wave of nausea. It's probably nothing different than I would ever experience during "normal life" but of course, I go back and forth between taking them as positive signs and negative signs depending on my mood...and in reality, they probably mean NOTHING, considering I'm only 4dpd3t (four days past a day 3 transfer), which basically means 7 days past ovulation...and symptoms aren't really expected yet. So grrrr....we continue to wait for another whole, stinking, crazy-long, seemingly never-ending week! Beta is on Tuesday 5/13.

Finally, let me tell you what a humbling experience bed rest really is. I was definitely looking forward to it, but by mid-day on Saturday, I had about had it! I felt like a slave-driver asking my mom and dad to do everything for me (G, of course, was out on a golf outing - how convenient for him! haha). Of course, they didn't mind doing and doing and doing for me at all...in fact, my mom was going around the house weighing all of my heavier items (laptop, school bag, etc) to make sure that they didn't exceed my 10-lb weight limit for lifting...so Gregg has been joking now, picking up paper clips and specks of dust, asking if they weigh too much for me to carry...haha what a FUNNY guy! But, as I knew I would, I am wishing for those two days back (well, not the no-shower part of the two days) because now I am back to work and wishing that I didn't have to be...

Thanks again for your continued prayers! We are so blessed!

Transfer

Yesterday was my embryo transfer, so I thought I would update you on my status. Gregg went half-way to my parents' house on Thursday night to meet up with my mom and dad. Mom rode with Gregg back to our house while Dad went back home because he had to work yesterday. Gregg left early on Friday morning for his field trip & his mom came later to pick Mom and I up to go to the hospital in Muhlenburg for the transfer. They came out and got me around 9:10 and got Mom & I all prepped. The doctor came in after a bit and said that the embryos were looking good, especially for us only having 2 to work with. They showed us the two little embies on the TV screen before sending them over to the transfer room. The transfer was pretty uneventful (which is a good thing) and then I had to lie there for an hour, so Mom & I watched Rachael Ray and the beginning of the Price is Right. Finally, when my butt was really starting to hurt from lying on that uncomfortable table, the nurse came back in and told me that I could get changed and ready to go. Before I left, the embryologist came in and told me that she really couldn't have asked for two better embryos considering that there were only two in the first place. She said that the 8-cell looked perfect and that the 4-cell was just a little bit slower of a grower but it had no fragmentation so she was very happy with the way that they looked! Before I left, the nurse gave me our petri dish & the case from the ICSI needle, complete with a nice message from the IVF staff wishing us good luck!

Gregg's mom brought pillows and blankets for me in the back of the car, so I laid down in the back seat until we got home again. Since then, I have been pretty much doing nothing. I have laid around on the couch, watching TV, doing Sudoku puzzles, drinking lots of liquids & playing card games with my mom since 12 yesterday afternoon...only getting up to go to the bathroom! Tomorrow, I will be done with my bed rest & I can't wait to finally get up and move around...although having to have someone wait on you hand and foot isn't all that bad either!

Please keep praying!

IVF update! It's a long one!

Sorry to keep you in suspense, but I really wasn't up to blogging yesterday...I was pretty much only up to sleeping, eating & lying around in bed. Yesterday was the egg retrieval and things went pretty well. We started out by meeting with the anesthesiologist and signing some paperwork. Gregg and I were taken into our separate rooms (him to give his sample & me to be prepped for my retrieval). Everyone was very nice and soothing. I was very nervous for the IV & anesthesia going into the procedure. So much so, that the doctor had the nurse anesthetist put me down a couple of minutes earlier than they normally would have because I was so nervous that I was shaking...once they started that IV and gave me the oxygen, it was so nice and peaceful. I remember feeling tingly, going to sleep & then waking up with a slight pinch while the doctor was still in there looking for eggs...and I heard the dr. tell me that they retrieved 4 eggs. I tried to say "awesome" or something, but just gave her a thumbs-up instead!

After just a few minutes of "coming to," they brought Gregg in to see me. Because we were in what is known as a "clean room," he had to suit-up in full surgeon garb before entering the room. I have a picture that I took w/ his camera phone that I'll post. Gregg couldn't believe how quickly the whole thing went. He said that he was probably only in the waiting room for a total of a 1/2 hour after doing his part, before they came and got him to bring him to me. It was nice to have him there with me. I sat for maybe another half hour until I felt like I was ready to leave & then the nurse game in, gave me some tylenol & ginger ale & we were good to go! We were leaving the hospital around 10:15! On the way home, I had Gregg stop at Wendy's to buy me some healthy french fries and a chicken sandwich because I was starved, not having eaten since 6:30 the night before.

Gregg brought me home and I watched TV for a bit & then slept for about 2.5 hours! It was NICE! When I woke up, Gregg made sure I was feeling ok and then he left to go to his school to pick up the math tests that the kids had taken yesterday & also to see what notes his sub had left (this is the first day he has missed since 2005 - and that day was for me, also!). On his way home, he picked up some pizza for our dinner & also some beautiful flowers for me...He said they were my birthday flowers a day early because he thought I deserved them after all I had been through. Awww!

While he was gone, I got a call from the embryologist telling me that of the 4 eggs retrieved, 2 were mature, 1 was almost mature and 1 was premature. They used the ICSI procedure (sperm injection) on the 2 mature ones and then threw in a little of G's sample in with the other 2 just to give them a chance of fertilizing on their own.

About 30 minutes ago, I just got a phone call from the doctor telling me that the 2 mature eggs which were given the ICSI procedure fertilized!!!!!!!!!!! This is the best birthday present ever (aside from a BFP, of course!)! This means that we will have our ET (embryo transfer) on Friday to put our 2 little embies back in!! Yay!!

Keep praying! Thanks for all of your kind words & thoughts!
Here's Gregg in his doctor costume...

It's happening...

I can't believe that I'm actually getting to tell you all this, but on Tuesday morning at 7:45, I will be lying on a hospital bed, getting an IV & then getting the eggs sucked out of me at our egg retrieval. There aren't many follicles in there, but the doctor was pleased at how my estradial levels were rising (indicating that the eggs are still growing in there and not dying off) & she thinks this is about as good as we're going to get. Circumstances are still not optimal, but if we can get 3-5 eggs out of there and fertilized, I will be happy. Transfer should be on Friday, but in the best-case scenario, it will be on Sunday. The doctor doesn't think that any protocol is going to get more eggs to form in there, so we're putting all of our eggs in one basket (pun intended) and praying like there's no tomorrow. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, prayers, kind words & comments of encouragement! They do mean so much to us!

I won!

Yay! I am happy to say that I won two books from this blog in the Bloggie Giveaway Carnival! They are two "oldie but goodie" children's books from yesteryear: Corduroy & Caps for Sale! My preschoolers will be so excited!

same old, same old...

A few of you have been asking for an IVF update, so here it goes...I'm on a new protocol this time which is supposed to stop me from over-suppressing & hopefully make more eggs. Well, you should all know by now that things just don't work out how they're supposed to for me. I just went today for my 4th ultrasound and I've got 5 follicles measuring 20, 15, 13, 12 & 10mm each. Keep in mind that they are usually looking for them all to be about the same size...but nooooo, not me! That would make my life too easy, now wouldn't it?

They are having me go back in tomorrow for yet another ultrasound to see what's going on in there (which is a small miracle in and of itself because in the previous 2 IVF attempts, we found out on the 2nd ultrasound that we were being cancelled/converted to IUI...so to make it through 9 days of stims is really unbelievable...not that it makes anything better or changes the inevitable). So, chances are pretty outstanding that we will again be converting to IUI (no use wasting all that money on 5 follicles...not every follicle contains an egg, so we could have even fewer than that in there!) probably on Monday.

We've got our second opinion consultation next Tuesday evening (phone consult.) and a friend just emailed me the phone number of her current RE's office's IVF study coordinator. My friend just found out on Thursday that she's pregnant (after a miscarriage and 4 years of infertility) through one of their FREE IVF studies...can't hurt to see if I would qualify!

So much to pray about! So much to do! Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!
Teri

American Idol - Top 6

Andrew Lloyd Weber week - interesting!

Syesha - song from Starlight Express - I wasn't familiar w/ it, but she sounded great. The jazzy feel is great for her!
David A. - Think of Me - I thought it sounded good - the ending was really nice - such an amazing singer and what a sweetie-pie!
David C. - Music of the Night - wow - interesting choice - I'm not sure I'm into this one - I totally agreed w/ Simon that he made the most of it, but not the side of him we prefer to see.
Carly - Jesus Christ, Superstar - awesome song choice (way to go, ALW!) - I thought she over-sang it a little bit, though
Brooke - Evita - just ok - like the judges said, the mess up totally did her in, but I like how she isn't making excuses this week.
Jason - Memories - interesting song choice, I'm kind of nervous about this one - I think he did ok, but I have a feeling the judges will be tough on this one

Bottom 3: Carly, Brooke, Jason
Going home: Brooke

American Idol - Top 7, plus a little sumthin'

Not a Mariah fan, so I don't have much to say this week...in general, I was bored by most ppl's songs...so I am only ranking them from best to "not the best" and not really commenting much...

1. David Cook - cool song - he's so musically talented
2. Jason - what a cutie pie & I totally agreed with Paula (gasp!) and Simon!
3. David Archuleta - always my favorite (but he really was great)
4. Carly Smithson - big song, big voice
5. Syesha - Ditto above
6. Brooke - good song choice - I agreed w/ Randy...and I love Brooke, but I hate how she always comments on what they say to her...just accept it...no excuses..
7. Kristy - pretty good - she seems to be improving each week

Agreed with Simon: the guys won the night!

Bottom 3: tough call now, they are all so good: Kristy, Syesha, Carly
Going Home: Kristy

DH says: Kristy, Syesha, Brooke
Going Home: Syesha

*****************************************
Infertility update! AF showed, so I start my lupron tomorrow & go for ultrasound & bloodwork in the morning! I start stims on Thursday - bring it on, baby! Let's make some eggs!

I miss all of my blogging buddies - I promise I'll post you some comment love very soon! Between this IVF cycle & trying to get our house market-ready, things have been...let's say UNBELIEVABLY CRAZY!!!

And just to make you smile...Disney's Desperate Housewives...

American Idol - Top 8

Sorry this is late! I won't be going very in-depth because I just watched it now from the Tivo since we didn't have time last night...

Here is my order from the evening:
1. Jason Castro - so cute & sweet - what a great song! I love that arrangement!
2. David Archuleta - I agreed completely w/ Simon - great song choice, he sounded good & since Simon wanted to be nit-picky, he was a little nasally.
3. Syesha - I thought she sounded great & they were overly harsh
4. Kristy - Wow - this is the first time she has ever been in my top 5
5. Carly - I agree w/ them that she was kind of shouting, but I still thought it sounded good
6. Brooke - I was surprised w/ her - I thought she would have been awesome on that song, but she was just OK.
7. David Cook - I didn't really feel his performance tonight - it was a'ight
8. Michael Johns - I thought everyone sounded good tonight so I don't really have anything negative to say.

Bottom 3: Brooke, Kristy, Syesha
Going home (is someone going home? Last year, they didn't on Idol Gives Back week): Syesha

Pray for us?

Let me just start by saying that I feel bad always asking you, my internet pals (only a handful of whom I know in real life), to pray for us...but I also believe in the power of prayer, so I will continue to ask because I know it is so vital!

Today, our prayer request (for once) is NOT fertility related. I will put this all out there and tell you all (you are the first to hear) that we are considering building/buying a house! Right now, we own our twin, which we have owned for about 4 years now. It was new when we bought it, but it was the demo model, so we didn't get to choose any of the specs & honestly, they just threw these buildings together & did a pretty shoddy job in many ways. We've always discussed moving out in another 5 years or so, but last night, we were looking over SIL's (DH's sister) paperwork for the homes that they are looking into buying, since she & her fiance are getting married in December and we drove over to the community to see them. We didn't get to go inside, but we talked to SIL & realized that we could possibly buy one of these for only a tiny amount over what we are currently paying for our mortgage...and it is a single! So, Gregg's Godfather (realtor) is coming up tomorrow to see us and to do a mini appraisal of our house to see how much more we could get than what we paid (we got this place for a steal). He thinks that we could possibly have this place sold & be moved in to a new place by August!!!

G was talking to his mom today & she said that she could tell how excited we were last night, just thinking about it & she said she hasn't seen me so happy in a long time....neither of us slept last night, actually, because we were that excited... So I know this is a good thing, but we also don't want to rush into anything. We want to make sure we are being prudent financially & not just doing this because we don't think we'll ever find such a great deal again...although, in all actuality, we probably won't, since the builders are running a special, where they will take $25,000 off of your purchase price if you put in a down payment this month. Gregg really wants to do it (once we find out for sure tomorrow that we could actually afford it) and I do, too, but it just seems like it is happening so fast. G has already been talking about me looking for a real job again, which makes me sad because I really love teaching preschool, but I know that the position would only be temporary until those darned babies come along someday...then I plan to do in-home childcare & preschool...which I would love to do now, but we just don't have the space for yet...which is, again, where the new house comes into play.

And then, of course, to add to our excitement, we "coincidentally" got a general mailing today from the same builders advertising the exact homes we are looking at...we're trying not to read into it being a "sign" or anything, but we definitely think it warrants a little more research. Especially when we are considering that our (new) cars are almost paid off and I can't help but think that maybe this is what God's been holding back on a baby for...because, honestly, if we had a baby or were expecting one at this point, we most likely wouldn't consider such an undertaking...but as MIL says...maybe it's "new home, new baby" - oh Dear, God, do I hope she's right...anyway, G's planning on taking his checkbook tomorrow when we go to look at the house. A $1000 deposit will hold the lot for us until we decide to make up our mind (w/in a reasonable amount of time, I'm assuming) & we'll still get the April builder's discount...

And finally, I know I'm rambling, so I'll make this quick...we have a date set for our phone consultation appt. with the new RE in NJ. I have my files all packaged up and ready to be shipped out to him as soon as I can get to the post office...I can't wait to get some hope!

I'll post pics of the homes later when I feel like we're past the nervous "should we, shouldn't we?" stage!

An update & a little inspiration!

Wow - I can't even begin to tell you how crazy my first two weeks of full-time work have been. This was my first week teaching the 3-year-olds and, while I know that I'm just starting out and I have to give myself a little transition time, I will openly admit to all of you that the 3s are not my area of expertise. It isn't so much that I don't know what to DO with them, but moreover that I get antsy (I think this is the former public school teacher in me) just letting them play for pretty much half of the time that they are with me. Especially since they only see me two days a week. I know that's what they need and it is really constructive for them, but I just can't help but feel like I should be DOING more. That said, however, there will be things that I will change for next year about the way I structure the 3-year-old program, but seeing as how I only see the kids 2 days a week (meaning only 14 more times this school year), I don't see the point in trying to change things like that now. I did, however, institute a new behavior program because I just didn't like the one that was in place before & I felt like this age-group needed something a little more visual to hold them accountable for their behavior. So we are now using a behavior card system & the first day was very successful, so I think that's a keeper. It's basically the same system that I use with my 4s and I basically have almost NO behavior issues with them anymore, so I think it's a good one!

I figure that now would be a good time for an infertility update as well. I am still on my birth control pills for our 3rd attempt at IVF. I have one more week of those to go & then I wait for AF. Once she arrives, I will go for u/s and b/w on day 2, and I will also start my Lupron on that day. This basically means that this is all right around the corner...work has been helpful about not letting me stress and putting it all out of my mind, so that has been helpful. I'm ready to be hopeful and optimistic again, but at the same time, I don't want to get my hopes up because I know that only means a greater let-down if/when things go wrong, but what else can you do? I also got the results of my "experimental" bloodwork back (AMH or Anti-mullerian hormone). The normal range of these results is 0.7-3.5 and mine came back at 0.7, which basically means that while I am within the normal range, any lower would indicate an ovarian reserve issue. So, in other words, I have now had 2 blood tests confirming that, while my numbers are "normal," they are also both borderline for diminished ovarian reserve, confirming what my doctor has been suspecting since August.

We also recently got a copy of my medical records from my current RE, so that I can begin seeking a second opinion. There is a clinic in NJ that does free phone consultations & they are supposedly one of the best in the area for dealing with poor responders (to ovary-stimulating meds), such as myself, so it sounds like a perfect match, even though it will be a long haul to get to appointments, etc.

Finally, I thought I would add in a little bit of inspiration that God has given me over the past couple of days. Although my new work schedule is crazy, the mid-afternoon calm while the 3 & 4 year old daycare kids are napping has given me a great opportunity to work a more-focused devotional time into my day (I sit at a table in the hall, outside the room of nappers). I have been using the Daily Bread devotionals this week (let me know if you have other suggestions - I have really been in want of something a little more intensive) & two of them really hit home for our current situation right now. I hope you enjoy them!
Click here and here to read them!

5 Things...

Five Things Meme:

What I was doing ten years ago:

1. Getting ready for high school graduation in 2 more months!
   
2. Worrying about finding a date to the senior prom
   
3. Stressing way too much about my grades
   
4. Singing in the school's musical (Once on this Island) and show choir!
   
5. Finding the perfect prom dress
   

Five things on my To-do list today:

1. Work
2. Take a nap
   
3. Make dinner (heating up leftovers shouldn't be too difficult today!)
   
4. Watch American Idol results
   
5. read a few of my favorite blogs
   

Snacks I enjoy:

1. Sour Patch Kids
   
2. Potato Chips
   
3. Goldfish Crackers
   
4. Fruit Snacks
   
5. Fruit Salad
   

Things I would do if I was a millionaire:

1. Quit my job (maybe)
   
2. Travel to warm places (cruise)
   
3. Give A LOT of money away to charity
4. Build a beautiful house & buy an interior decorator to make it cute
   
5. Have IVF done w/ the best docs in the world.
   

Five Bad Habits:

1. picking at my fingernails (notice I didn't say bite)
   
2. laziness (not cleaning the house when I should)
   
3. staying up too late at night
   
4. licking my lips
   
5. over-plucking my eyebrows (nervous habit)
   

Five places I have lived:

1. Frenchville, PA
2. State College, PA
   
3. Williamsport, PA
   
4. Slippery Rock, PA
   
5. East Greenville, PA
   

Five Jobs I have Had:

1. Grocery store cashier
   
2. School supply warehouse order-filler (whew! That's a mouthful)
   
3. Children's minister
   
4. Kindergarten teacher
   
5. Preschool teacher
   

American Idol - Top 9

This will be a quick one because I am tired and I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow for work...fun... Here is the AI low-down for the top 9...

1. David Archuleta - yay! He's back! He's finally back! Best performance of the night and so cute and humble! I love a good spiritual song!
2. Syesha - I was very surprised with how well she did on this song - it's a big song to take on, but I thought she did great...I mean, she's no Whitney/Dolly, but she tackled it well - 2nd best vocals of the night!
3. Brooke - I love this song and I thought she sounded great...the judges seemed unusually harsh on everyone tonight.
4. Jason - what a cutie - I thought he did a really good job on this song - seriously, I don't get the judges tonight. They said about how this wasn't a good song choice for him, but that is exactly his style of music...really, I just don't get them tonight!
5. David Cook - I thought this was a great song and a neat arrangement - I didn't know the original, though, so who am I to judge?
6. Carly - I thought she sounded good, but I hated the arrangement of the song...and I agree with Simon - who was dressing her? I hated those red pants...but then again, I have a hard time seeing past the tattoos, so I didn't even notice what she was wearing until Simon pointed it out.
7. Michael - Is it just me or does no one understand the AI judges' fascination with him...He has not wow-ed me a single time since Hollywood, yet the judges continue to rave and rave...am I missing something? Was that even a song? He just said the same thing over and over, didn't he?
8. Kristy - much better than all her previous performances, but I felt like her expressions were way too serious for the upbeat tone of the song...she could have made it a lot more fun to watch, but that's just me.
9. Ramiele - You know, I was on youtube watching some videos from tryouts and Hollywood week and I saw Ramiele belting it out and doing an awesome job on a song and then I watch her today and I feel like it's a completely different person. She has no confidence or spark anymore and that is really sad.

Bottom 3: Ramiele, Kristy, Michael
Going home: Ramiele (since Kristy's being touted on votefortheworst.com)

MPM and an apology!

First off, I want to apologize for abandoning any of my readers who are still out there checking in on me - I have been a bad blogging friend for the past week and a half. This new work schedule, in short, is KICKING.MY.BUTT! For the past two weeks, I have been working a different schedule everyday...7-3:15, 7:30-3:15, 8:30-5:30, etc...I just can't seem to get anything done...add onto that that we have a weekly bible study on Tuesdays, we've been doing set-work for the musical at DH's school 1-2 times a week in the evenings & I had infertility support group at church last week & let's just say that blogging just didn't make it into the agenda any of the days last week. Hopefully next week, once things slow down again (8:30-5:30 everyday, if you call that slowing down) and I can get into a normal routine, I will be back to my normal, blogging self!

Here's this week's MPM (or I should say MPT since I'm a day late!)
Sunday: Herbed Chicken & Gravy with rice & salad
Monday: blueberry (me) & plain (DH) waffles
Tuesday: my homemade chicken noodle soup (see recipe below)
Wednesday: not sure of the entree...side of roasted potatoes
Thursday: family night w/ DH's parents/sister
Friday: maybe dinner out since we're going to the musical at DH's school
Saturday: dinner @ DH's parents' house since we're all going to the matinee of the musical together!

My Famous (at least my DH says so) Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients:
1 whole chicken cut into pieces (sometimes, I will just use half of a chicken one time & save the other half in the freezer for next time)
3 stalks celery & celery greens, chopped
3 carrots, chopped
1/2 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
2 bay leaves
1/2 bag egg noodles
powdered/paste soup base
hot sauce

Directions:
1. Cut chicken up into pieces (you can leave it whole, but I think it cooks better in pieces), leaving the skin on.
2. Put the pieces into a large soup pot & fill the pot with water, being sure to cover the pieces
3. Depending on how you want to do it and how much time you have, you can rough chop (very large pieces) some carrots, celery, bay leaves & onions and put them in the pot to be strained out later, along with a clove of garlic. Usually, I don't have a ton of time & I will just chop them the size that I want them to be in the soup & I don't strain them out, since DH likes them on the mushy side anyway.
4. Add a generous amount of salt to the water (a tablespoon or so to start with) as well as 2 tbsp of soup base and 1/4 tsp pepper - bring to a boil. I usually end up adding more soup base later, to taste.
5. Once it comes to a boil, skim off the foam, cover & reduce to low, simmer (for up to an hour and a half).
6. Once the chicken is finished cooking & you are happy with the flavor of the broth, remove the chicken pieces & remove the meat from the bones, once cooled. I usually chop it pretty fine, but you can just tear it up, too.
7. If you are straining the stock veggies out, now is the time to do it. Add the new veggies back into the pot with the broth & chicken.
8. Shake in 1/2 to 1 tsp hot sauce. Trust me! You won't taste the "heat" at all, but it will give you that warm-from-the-inside-out feeling!
9. Finally, add in the egg noodles & boil until done. Alternately, you can cook the noodles separately so that your broth isn't all soaked up by the noodles, but I like it that way.

Enjoy!

American Idol - Top 10

Birth year songs! - I love this week on American Idol - I feel like you get to know so much about the contestants & they get to choose a style of music that best suits them! Sorry this is a day late! I worked until 5:30 yesterday and had about an hour at home to eat and review for bible study, which was at 7:30...and I went to bed as soon as I got home!

David C. - Billie Jean - bummer - I was expecting him to rock it out like Michael Jackson...but this was still awesome and very un-predictable (since they'd been harping on him about that in recent weeks). That was awesome! Best performance of the night!
David A. - You're the Voice - I am not familiar with this song at all, but I think he sounds awesome - he's just so amazing and sings with such enthusiasm - it's like he's been practicing these songs everyday for all 17 years of his life...I want him to sing to me...even if it is the phone book (and Simon is crazy tonight, too...what in the heck?).
Carly - Total Eclipse of the Heart - I love this song and Carly did an awesome job with it - Wow! She'll be a hard one to top tonight! what's up with Randy anyway? I thought it was great and I'm not normally a Carly fan...I agree with Simon more that she did seem somewhat uptight, but in general, it was good.
Brooke - I'll Be Watching You - interesting song choice...she had a little bit of a rocky start when she did the re-start, but I love hearing the purity of her voice with just the piano to accompany her. There wasn't much extra that she did with the song, so I'm not sure how they'll feel about that, but regardless, she will definitely go far...love her!
Syesha - If I Were Your Woman - she sounds great and looks gorgeous (ok, do I sound like Paula yet?) but it's kind of a boring song...I think she should have found a Whitney song to really show off her chops...but she was still good! A familiar song would have done more for me.
Michael - We Will Rock You/We are the Champions - I just thought it was ok until he started the We are the Champions part of the song - I wish he would have picked something more melodic, but he's convinced he's a rocker, so we'll go with that. I agree that this was one of his best performances since the show started.
Jason - Fragile - I didn't know this song, but he's just so cute and sincere, I think he could sing an irish jig and it would be great! I thought he did an awesome job! Simon was kind of harsh, I thought (and I usually agree with him)...Jason's laid back, so of course that reflects in his songs...
Chickezie - If Only for One Night - I don't know this song either, but I thought he did a good job. There weren't many "touches" in the song that made it overly special or memorable, but he sounded good overall, and he adds so much attitude that you can't help but love it! And for once, I agreed with Paula (shhhh...I didn't say that!)
Ramiele - Alone - this is a tough song for me because it was previously done by AI winner Carrie Underwood, and as far as I'm concerned, no one will ever do it as well as she did! Ramiele did OK & it was pitchy at points, but WAYYYY better than her previous two weeks. I think she'll still be around.
Kristy - God Bless the USA - of all the WONDERFUL songs of 1984 (including country, which she's been chomping at the bit to sing), she chooses a patriotic ballad? I'm very confused by this song choice. She sounds good, but I'm just so puzzled...I had considered moving her up above Ramiele, but this song doesn't have much substance to it, so she remains #10...and what is Simon talking about? I just don't GET him (or Randy) tonight.

Bottom 3: Ramiele, Chickezie, Kristy
Going home (believe me, I haven't watched the results yet): Kristy Lee Cook

I'm here...somewhere

I just wanted to let all of you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth (even though my last post was only Thursday, it feels like forever since I've written). I'm exhausted from our 5 day trip to my hometown to stay with my parents for Easter. We had a great trip, but we had to leave super-early this morning to get back because I had to work the afternoon-to-closing shift at the daycare. I'm just exhausted...but I wanted to thank everyone for their comments on my recent blog posts (usually I try to reply to each and everyone, but I've fallen behind, and since I'm starting full-time work, I am not so sure I can make up for lost time).

I hope everyone had a wonderful easter! I don't think I can muster up a Meal-plan Monday this week! Hopefully next week I'll have time to prepare!

Catch ya tomorrow for American Idol!

Thursday Thirteen

Since I wrote about 13 annoying and/or depressing and/or things that drive me crazy last week, I thought today would be a great day to talk about 13 things I loooove!

1. Breaks off of work - unfortunately, once Easter is over, there are no more breaks in the school year until summer. But since I'm not working this summer (except to fill in for the regular workers' vacation days), I can't really complain.

2. Being home with my family - even if my hubby complains because he's allergic to the cats and he doesn't like the mattress and/or pillows on the bed in our room...I still love it.

3. Country music - I don't get when people say they don't like country music...it's so diverse, that if you gave it a chance, there is definitely SOMETHING you would find that you liked...trust me! Open your mind!

4. Mr. Clean Magic Erasers - have you tried those things??? Although, I do have to admit that I have found one mess it couldn't tackle - a scuff mark from a suitcase on my yellow bedroom wall...it doesn't even budge....that's ok, Mr. Clean. I still love your squeaky-clean bald head.

5. Bloggie giveaways - I just won a photo album from Robin over at Robinznest and it made my day...it's the little things, people...trust me, it doesn't take much these days!

6. The Big Bang Theory - have you ever seen this show on CBS? It is the only show on TV that can actually make me laugh out loud...I think it's because it feeds my inner nerd (as if you didn't already know how nerdy I really was...). I was so happy for a new episode this week!

7. Wii - my dad is currently standing in the living room golfing on the Wii. We (hubby and I) actually had both my mom and my dad bowling with us on the Wii tonight. It was a great time...but don't ask me...since I won!

8. Scrabulous & Literati - both of these are fun, online Scrabble-style games that you can play online with friends or strangers. I play literati almost every night with my mom & DH & I are known to have a game of Scrabulous going via our Facebook accounts...but he cheats, so we won't talk about that anymore...

9. Coupons - I've been known to go rummaging through a Sunday newspaper that's been sitting out in the rain for 24 hours or so, just to get to the soggy coupons inside...don't laugh...the other day, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things & I got $11.50 worth of groceries for $4...and don't get me started on clearance racks. I went shopping a few months ago and got a pair of denim capris on the clearance rack at Penney's for $0.97!!! And just last week, I went shopping with my mom and got $300 worth of clothes for $37 (5 sweaters, a dress, a top and a spring jacket)!!

10. Apples to Apples - best party game ever! Get it and try it with your friends...there's a kid-friendly version as well. It's even educational!

11. Chai Tea - if you have never had it, you must...but don't get the powdered kind...get a tea bag, add in some boiling water, then a few minutes later, add a bit of sweetener and some milk...mmmm!

12. Electronic hand-held 20 Questions - have you ever tried this game? Oh my gosh! It is so amazing the way it seems to read your mind; and for less than $20, you MUST go get one! It will keep your kids (or husband) entertained for hours!

13. My Hubby - of course I saved the best for last! I love my husband - but can you blame me???

Ahh the memories

***make sure you read below for my Works-for-me-Wednesday post about fun Easter activities to do with kids!!***
A blogging friend of mine gave me the inspiration for today's post. She wrote about how different sensory elements can trigger memories for you...this caused me to reminisce about the "old days" and good times from back in my youth (because, you know, I'm old now...well, at least my eggs are, but that's a different story from a different post).

I got really emotional as I was thinking of these songs and remembering how much fun I had in my middle & high school years. I was definitely NOT one of those people who sees those years as the toughest in her life and would never go back. If I could take my hubby with me, I would go back to high school in a heartbeat...oh how wonderful it must have been that my biggest worry was who I would be going to the prom with and what grade I would get on the next test...I had awesome friends (ok, so I am not friends with MOST of them now, but we just drifted apart...we really were a great support system back then), and I was so involved in school activities, and I had so much confidence in my abilities. Back then, I LOVED being busy and always having something to do...my how things change...now I love being lazy and having nothing to do...I wish I could regain that energy and get-up-and-go that I had back then!

So without further ado, here are the songs that take me back...

1. Everything I Do, I Do it For You (Bryan Adams) - this takes me back to the 7th grade Spring Dance where I danced my first-ever slow dance with my "boyfriend." Kids...this was before the days of texting and IM that middle-school boyfriends and girlfriends use these days, so when I say that we were going out, it really just meant that we would stand around and hold hands at the recess period at school when the teachers weren't watching...ooh, we were rebels. I remember that I went to his birthday party at the Country Club pool...and I gave him a Barney balloon...because, you know, nothing says "we'll be together forever" like a big, purple dinosaur. Nevermind the fact that he later broke up with me on our monumental 1-month anniversary by telling one of my friends that he wanted to break up with me. I guess he didn't like Barney.

2. Achy-Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus) - oh yes...this song makes me think of my 13th birthday party. You see, my Dad played in rock cover-bands all through my childhood. It was mostly what we would now consider Classic Rock (.38 Special, Lynard Skynard, Bob Seger), but sometimes they would get so many requests for particular songs out at the clubs where they played that they would eventually give in and learn them. Achy-Breaky is one such song. I wanted to have a major party for my 13th birthday, but we didn't really have a lot of money, so I asked my Dad's band if they would play in our driveway (they always practiced in the garage anyway) and we would pay them in pizza. The result was an awesome party with all of my middle-school friends and extended family dancing in our driveway. There are pictures of my friends and I line-dancing to Achy-Breaky Heart...but thank goodness, I don't have them to show you!

3. Loser (Beck), Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), California Love (2Pac & Dr.Dre), 1, 2, 3, 4 (Coolio) and many more - they make me think of high school post-football game dances. I looked forward to home football games just for the dances...and since I was a rebel, I even snuck into one the year after I graduated...for the record, it's not nearly as much fun after you've graduated.

4. What a Feeling (Irene Cara) - makes me think of high school show choir when I danced & sang this song with one of my best guy friends…and then we did a repeat performance at the prom & had a whole crowd gathered around us cheering…I think they thought we did this spontaneously, but what they don't know won't hurt them!I will definitely be adding more as I think of them...I love to reminisce!

By the way, if you know me, you're on the other end of your computer laughing at the references to me being a rebel...I was anything BUT a rebel, but since none of you know me very well, I can lead you to believe whatever I want!!! Ha!

Works for Me Wednesday - Easter!

Hey everyone & HAPPY EASTER! I thought I would quickly share with all of you some Easter activities that I use with my preschoolers that I thought you may want to try at home with your own children. I teach at a Christian preschool, so pretty much anything is fair-game! Have some fun with your little-ones!

1. Easter egg alphabet match - take a Sharpie (or your favorite permanent marker brand of choice!) and write an upper-case letter on one half of a plastic easter egg & the corresponding lower-case letter on the other half. Put all of the egg-halves in an easter basket or bucket and have your kids match them up with the correct letter, identifying it as matches are made. If you decide to mark eggs for all 26 letters of the alphabet, you can put them in ABC order when you are all done! Store them in a basket to play again and again!

2. What's inside the Easter egg? - Using the same Easter eggs that you marked above, search your house for small objects to correspond with each letter. Put the objects inside the eggs, then have your child shake the egg & guess what could be inside. After they've guessed, they can look inside and see if they were correct. When my preschoolers do this activity, once they open the egg, then I will repeat the letter, the letter sound & the name of the object so they can hear the correspondence (c, /c/, cotton ball). Objects that I use (don't let the super-little ones use this game!!): ball, balloon, button, cotton, elephant eraser, frog key chain, gumball, heart, key, money, marble, paper pieces, Polly Pocket, ring, smile sticker, star, tea bag, whistle, white crayon, zebra toy.

3. I do all sorts of Jellybean activities. We read "Too Many Jellybeans" and then do various jellybean activities. I gave each child a bag of jellybeans (this one wasn't for eating) in their Easter baskets, along with a printout of the Jellybean Prayer. We talked about each color and its significance for us as children of God. I then gave each child a second bag of jellybeans to use for our Jellybean Math activities. First the children sorted the jellybeans by color, by placing one into each square of this graph (I colored the bottom so that they would know which color went where). Then, using the corresponding color of crayon, the children colored under each jellybean that he/she placed on the graph. When they finished, they read me the results of their graphs, telling me which had the most, the least & which ones were tied. My kids are awesome at graphing (they're FOUR!!). After that activity, we also did jellybean addition, which also went great! Using this page (which, again, I pre-colored for them since we were short on time), the children again sorted their jellybeans by color. When they were finished sorting, the children were instructed to count how many jellybeans were in each rectangle and write the corresponding number in the box. They were to then "scoot" the jellybeans over to the right-side of each row & again count the total & write the number. This was a little more difficult than the graphing, but they still really enjoyed it...and then I FINALLY let them eat the jellybeans, which they were begging for me to do for pretty much the entire time.

4. Finally, I also wanted to make Empty Tomb cookies with my kids, but there was just no time this year since our last day before Easter break was Monday, which also happened to be St. Patrick's day...

Enjoy & have a Blessed Easter!

American Idol - Top 11

I will be perfectly honest...I was NOT happy to hear that they were doing Beatles week again. I LOVE the Beatles, as I mentioned last week, but I don't love when other people try to sing the Beatles. It has been proven two weeks running now that it just.doesn't.work...so please, AI producers...stop torturing us!

So, here is how I sized them up this week:

1. David Archuleta - He's cute! He's sweet! and He's back! Yay! David had an awesome performance tonight and I was so excited that the judges agreed!
2. David Cook - I thought Simon was very hard on him. I do agree that he is somewhat falling into the trap of being predictable, but that's only because he is following their instructions of working the songs into his own "niche" and making them his own...so they do tend to have a similarity to them to that extent...but I otherwise thought he was great!
3. Syesha - I was so excited that she did well tonight because it definitely isn't her time to go home yet. She had been falling into the forgettable category, so I hope this rescues her from that! She sounded (and looked) great!
4. Jason - He's just so cute and sweet and I love that he's willing to take a risk (singing in French!) and try something new! I loved his pre-song interview, too ("I just learned that ma belle is French - I thought it was English - you know, my bell")
5. Carly - I wasn't familiar with her song, but I thought she did a good job. She sounded nice & it was good to see her versatility (you know, not always rocking it out). I agree with Simon that it was a bit dark and gloomy, but I don't really have much to say since I don't know the song, so therefore have no comparison point.
6. Michael - I said it last week & I'll say it again - I think he's becoming forgettable. His vocals are always good, but he never does anything to make me remember him.
7. Brooke - not one of her best weeks - she looked & sounded good & the song fits the style of her voice, but it was kind of safe and didn't really have any elements to showcase what she can do...which I think she knew since she admitted how nervous she was about doing a Beatles week again.
8. Amanda - Does she sing with cotton in her mouth? I honestly couldn't understand a word of the song up until "Back in the USSR" - and I thought that I knew the words to the song! I actually preferred this to some of her previous performances, though.
9. Kristy - I thought she looked really pretty, but seemed disinterested & bored with her song choice...and I realize that these are young'uns and didn't grow up anywhere near the time period of the Beatles, however, neither did I - and I still know their songs! It just doesn't make her look too good to admit that she's really not familiar with the Beatles (side note: I hate how as the years go by, all of the AI contestants are slowly becoming younger than me...someone! Tell me I'm not old!!)
10. Chickezie - I wasn't really in love with his song this week. I thought he could have done so much better, but I do agree that he is showing another facet of his repetoire. His voice kind of sounded like Darius Rucker from Hootie & the Blowfish tonight, didn't it?
11. Ramiele - bad, bad song choice...she did add in a few nice elements towards the end & I started to get somewhat interested, but by then, the song was already over.

Predictions for the bottom 3: Chickezie, Ramiele & Kristy

Any of the above 3 could go home, but if I had to pick, I would say Kristy, simply because she still hasn't had a single week that has wow-ed anyone.

Tackle-it Tuesday

Today is my first-ever post for tackle-it Tuesday...I know I'm a little late hopping in today, but I wanted to write about the things I've been tackling...and then ask your help on something new that I want to tackle!

Today, I tackled a variety of tasks around the house. I dethroned the enormous pile of laundry sitting in the corner of our bedroom (actually it was about 3 loads, but it looked huge) and I had the oh-so-fun task of packing for our 5 day trip up to my parents' house...which wouldn't be so bad except for the universal fact that when men get married, they somehow "forget" how to pack a suitcase. Seriously, every time I ask DH to pack, I end up doing it myself anyway because he says he doesn't know what he will need, or where we will be going, or what the weather will be like. Usually, I pick out the clothes, lay them out on the bed for his approval & then put them in the suitcase...and then always end up forgetting something anyway...so that took me about half an hour today once all was said and done and I'm sure there'll still be things that we've forgotten. Such is life!

Another thing that I would like to tackle is creating a food blog to help me organize my recipes (using the label feature). The problem is, I'm having a hard time coming up with a name for it...please comment to let me know if you have any suggestions!!

Menu Plan Monday

Hey everyone! Welcome back to another edition of MPM! Last week's menu-planning, as expected, was not too successful due to DH's sister being home for spring break. I really did have a meal planned for everyday, but we ended up going over to his parents' house for practically every meal. Monday was tacos at IL's house, Tuesday was a super-yummy chicken & rice bake at home (the 1st time we tried! DH looooved it!), Wednesday was meatloaf (not a favorite of mine) also at IL's house, Thursday, we were supposed to go to Carabba's for MIL's b-day, but we ended up having chicken/ham rollups in mushroom gravy at IL's house, and Friday was pierogies & onions. So we actually stuck to the plan for 2 days.

This will be a short week at home for us, due to the Easter holiday, so there shouldn't be any problem sticking to the schedule this week!
Monday - Colorful Hamburger Rice (bumped from last week) ***UPDATE - this was a great & healthy recipe, but definitely needed more seasonings. I really sprinkled on a lot of parmesan & stirred it in & also added extra salt before serving it! We'll definitely have this one again!!***
Tuesday - Brown Sugar chicken (new, Crock-pot recipe!) ***UPDATE - we had this tonight & DH really liked it...I, on the other hand (the non-picky one), didn't really like it and thought that it was too sweet & that the chicken got too dried out. It kind of tasted like a pulled-pork/pork barbeque kind of dish. It could be my fault that it got too dry, though, because I slept in a little late this morning, therefore I didn't get the meat in the crockpot as soon as I wanted to, so I didn't think it would be done in time for DH since he had to eat and run tonight. I put it on high for 2 hours & then knocked it down to low...maybe we'll try this one again later.***
Wednesday - leaving for my parents' house - dinner on the road
Thursday, Friday, Saturday - will all be at my parents' house
Sunday - Easter dinner at my Grandmother's house - ham, mashed potatoes, noodles & the works! Everyone takes a side & a dessert! I'm making Macaroni & Cheese and Apple Dumplings!

See all you MPM-ers next Monday - Have a Blessed Easter!

Baby Shower...ugh

I believe that today may go down in history as one of the darker days of our TTC journey...all because of a baby shower, the bane of my existence these days. Due to my overwhelming need for even an ounce of self-preservation, I haven't attended a baby shower since we've started TTC (although I would have during that first year, when I didn't know we were actually dealing with infertility, if I had been invited) and I swore that I wouldn't until I was pg with my own. I didn't even attend the shower of one of my best friends, who just had her baby 2 days ago. Thank God she's a great friend and understood. But I suppose there are things that just can't be avoided sometimes...like when your husband's brother & his wife are expecting. The only saving grace of the day is that they live on the other side of the country & therefore cannot take a bunch of stuff back with them on the plane, so everyone in the family is going in on their crib and bedding ($600-something bedding, mind you!!!!!). That means that I won't have to sit through everyone ooh-ing and aah-ing over all those cute little baby things that I wish I were opening instead of SIL. Another positive aspect of the day is that it is being played up more as a St. Patrick's Day party (it's for couples, not just women) than a baby shower, so with the exception of a couple balloons & a cake with a stork on them, I won't be drowning in a sea of baby-themed stuff.

...but I'm still not looking forward to going. I know it sounds so terrible and selfish because when the time comes for me to be having a baby shower, I will want people to be as happy and as excited as we will be...but at the same time, I don't ever want someone to think that they have to temporarily mask the pain and grief that they're feeling out of social obligation to a stupid party...why does it have to come down to a shower? Why is it OK for people to assume that just because I don't want to attend their shower, that I'm not happy for them. I AM happy for them. But you know what? I'm not happy about my own situation and seeing someone else's rightful joy, a joy that I long for and know that I may never experience, is purely a form of torture. I have no problem going out to lunch with the mommy-to-be, or going for a visit after the baby is born, but a day that's all about "mommy, mommy, mommy" and "baby, baby, baby" only serves as a reminder that the only purpose I thought I held in this life may never be fulfilled. And that just sucks.

Ultimate Blog Party

***This is a sticky, so please scroll down to see my posts this week!***
Hey everyone! Check out the ultimate blog party at 5 Minutes for Mom! It's a great way to get to know others...

If you are here as part of the blog party, thanks for stopping by & I hope you'll browse around if you see something that interests you. I love "meeting" new people!

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Teri & I am 27 years old. My husband, Gregg & I have been married for just over 3.5 years. We are both teachers. I currently teach preschool after teaching Kindergarten for a while...I love that age group. We love kids & God, camping with my family, vacationing in Disney & at the shore with his family, playing with our kitty Faithy and bowling together on the wii. I also love to cook & scrapbook in my free time. We've been trying for a baby for 2.5 years and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure in my whole life. The daily ups and downs are rough - but thank goodness we've got God, friends & family to help us through. We've done 6 artificial inseminations & we've attempted IVF twice, but never made it the whole way through the process, so hopefully our time is coming soon. We're in the process of starting up treatments to do in-vitro again in April-May.

So, in other words, I'm not a mommy, so I hope it's ok that I participate in this blog party! It seems like a lot of fun! God Bless!

PS - I would love to win any of the awesome mommy/baby giveaways (do I have to choose just one?), but my favorite prizes that they're giving away over at the blog party are:
4, 5, 11, 12, 13, 14, 22, 26, 28, 30, 37, 42, 83, 84 & 101...I told you I couldn't just choose one...really, I would love any of them!

I guess my favorite 3 would be:
101 - the woman's devotional bible
37 - the Moby Wrap
84 - a baby sling

Thanks again for stopping by! I'll leave you w/ a pic of hubby & me at a friend's wedding! We were having a great time partying it up! :)

Friday Fluff

I love having the "themes" to guide my blog posts, so when I found "Friday Fluff" over at Praise & Coffee, I thought it was perfect for me! It's great for those days when you don't want to talk about anything too serious! Today's Friday Fluff is about my own little (ok, not so little) fluff-ball, my kitty cat! Her given name is Faith Trouble S. - that was so when she did something bad and I told her she was in trouble, she could say, "Trouble??? My middle NAME is Trouble, Sistah!" or something like that...who knows what goes through a cat's head when we're talking to them...

Here is a picture of Faith when we first got her back in September of 2003. This is when I still lived with my parents. She was a gift from Gregg (we weren't married yet) because my cat at my parents' house, Lady, had just been hit by a car.
That's a really old picture...she was probably about 1 or 2 pounds there...now, she's not so little. Actually, she's quite large. 17.5 pounds worth of largeness. DH calls her a fat cat, but I call her my plus-size kitty because I don't want her to get a bad self-image. Cats care about stuff like that, you know...here is a "now" picture of the Faith-meister.
Haha - just kidding! That's a tiger at the Animal Kingdom in DisneyWorld. HERE is really a picture of my kitty.
And in case one name isn't enough for 17.5 pounds of kitty, I make up nicknames for her whenever the mood strikes me. Here are my kitty's other aliases:
Faith, Faithy, Faithy-baby, Faithy-girl, Faithy-kins, Faith-meister, Faither, Faither-doo, and (my personal favorite) Faitherdoodle.

In general, she's just your run-of-the-mill, finicky, neurotic housecat. She doesn't pay any attention to people food, unless you get out a bag of lettuce. I kid you not. A fat cat that loves to eat lettuce. She will actually jump up on the counter when I'm making a salad and "help" me by sticking her paw in the bag (if I'm using pre-cut that day) to steal some to eat (and no, I don't "allow" her to get on the counters, but have you ever tried to discipline a cat before??). Also, she hates people (except hubby and myself, of course). In fact, she'll be gone in a flash if you ring our doorbell. If you turn the key in the door, she'll peer around the corner at the top of our foyer steps to see if it is one of us. If not, you get the "meow - HISSSS" greeting before she runs up the stairs and under one of the beds. The other funny thing about Faithy is that she has a cat-door that leads down to our basement where her litter box is. The only problem is that she barely makes it through the hole anymore...I swear one of these days, she's going to find herself stuck halfway through the hole...and I'm going to be left with a mess on my foyer floor to clean up because she can't make it down to the litter box anymore...she's on a diet, I swear!

Before closing, I'll leave you with one last picture that describes my little Faithy-kins to a tee...here she is doing what she does best...being cute!

Thursday Thirteen

I've never done a Thursday Thirteen before, but I had seen a few other people doing them so I thought I would join in. I wasn't really sure if there is a set of rules for what you're supposed to post, so I'll just make something up...without further ado...

Thirteen random things that annoy me, disgust me, or I simply just dislike...

1. When people misuse your/you're or there/their/they're - I know there are people out there who just aren't good at grammar, but your first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth grade (and beyond) teachers ALL taught you the rules for knowing when to use which...really, they're not that hard to remember and it just doesn't make you look very smart when you use the wrong one.

2. Roast beef sandwiches - I am not a picky eater and if you know me, you know that I'll eat just about anything. But cold roast beef sandwiches make me want to vomit. Ew. Even the smell of them. Double ew.

3. Winters in Pennsylvania - enough with the cold already! Bring on the warmth!

4. Substitute teaching - so glad I don't have to do that for the rest of the year!

5. Driving - I hate driving. Really, really hate it. I once had a panic attack while driving actually. It was so scary. My hubby drives me everywhere around here except to the grocery store, work and the doctor's office (although he drives me there when he can, too). Living near all these aggressive Philly drivers doesn't really help calm my fears either...

6. Bad parents - when you want so badly to even have a chance at parenting and sometimes believe that it actually may never happen, it really saddens you when you see so many parents just not doing their job. I just want to adopt those poor kids, almost (see item #9).

7. When people use double-negatives. I know I'm coming across as a real grammar-police here, but if you tell me, "You don't know nothing," I'll just smirk at you, because you're SO right!

8. Lost - someone out there is going to crucify me for writing that (don't be hatin'), but I can't even stand to be in the same room when that show is on. I watched it for the first season, but I quickly realized that all those questions that you were wondering about from the first season are STILL unanswered & I can't take that...I want some answers, darn it! I'm actually not a fan of ANY shows that you feel obligated to watch every week for fear of not understanding subsequent shows. Sitcoms are more my style.

9. The phrase, "you can always adopt." - Thanks for reminding me that there are other options out there that I hadn't already thought of in my nearly-3 years of infertile agony. I realize that people say this with the best of intentions, but if adoption is such an appealing life choice, then why don't you do it for yourself? It isn't the sole responsibility of the infertile community to adopt all of the needy children in this world! I'm not saying that we never will adopt, because I think it is a wonderful thing to do (and we always talked about adopting in addition to having biological children), but this innate desire to bear and birth a child isn't going to go away through adoption & that's such a huge part of the heartache that accompanies this infertility journey...so please, don't minimize my longings and desires by thinking you're being helpful.

10. The little niblet of dried-up lotion that comes out the top of the pump. The texture of it grosses me out (I swear I'm not really this neurotic most of the time).

11. Answering the phone in someone else's house - unless I know that they're expecting an important call or they specifically ask me to answer it (because they're doing something else), I kind of prance around uncomfortably because I never know if it is socially acceptable to answer it or to just let it ring and go to voice mail. This even happens at work - unless I'm specifically asked to answer the phone, I continue to let it ring because there's about 5 phones in the place and I never know if someone else will pick it up.

12. Cilantro - it tastes like soap and I hate how cilantro-lovers make me feel un-civilized because my taste buds don't like the taste of soap. I'll eat just about anything else...leave me and my cilantro-hating tongue alone! ;)

13. And my biggest pet peeve of all is when people are at the busy gas station and they've finished filling up their car. Instead of getting into their car and pulling forward to let someone else have their spot, they quite rudely decide to leave their car parked while they go inside to do whatever it is they need to do. That really makes me so mad. I once talked about this with someone and they rebutted by saying that in some places, it is illegal to get back in your car if you haven't paid, but then I reminded them that most, if not all, gas pumps in our state are either credit-card or pre-pay only, which means that they have no excuse.

Thanks for reading about 13 things that really get my goat. What annoys you?

Works for Me Wednesday - make some $$$

This week, I thought I would write a bit about the way that I make a bit of extra spending cash around here. Over the course of the past year, I have so nerdily kept track (in an excel spreadsheet, no less) and discovered that I made approximately $600+ simply by participating in a few online research & survey sites. Some of them give you points for referrals, reading emails, answering trivia questions, filling out surveys, shopping online, testing products, or simply by completing free offers. My rewards have come in various forms, as well! In that $600 total, prizes have come in the form of cash (checks), restaurant & retail gift cards and, my newest addition, an Apple ipod shuffle!!! I won't bore you with the referral links here, but you will see that I have several of them set as widgets in my right-hand menu. Please comment with any questions you have and I'll be sure to do my best in answering them! I know it isn't a ton, but every little bit helps & it surely WORKS FOR ME!

My favorites:
MySurvey
Treasure Trooper
Big Crumbs
MyPoints
Memolink

PS - click on the WFMW icon to find a whole list of tips, tricks & ideas that work for others!

American Idol - Top 12 Finalists

To say that I'm a huge American Idol fan would be an understatement. It would also be an understatement to say that I used to be a HUGE fan of the Beatles, especially back in high school...I am still a fan now, but I'm not so obsessed with owning every album they ever made or anything like that...anyway, when I heard that American Idol's theme this week was going to be the Lennon/McCartney song book, I was pretty excited...and then they sang, and well...I was pretty disappointed. There were a few shining moments in the night (keep reading to find out), but in general, I was pretty bored & let down. They just didn't do those songs justice...The songs were either completely murdered, or BOOOORING...let me know if you agree...
We'll start with the shining moments and work our way down -
1. David Cook - What an awesome guy, an awesome song & an awesome musician. It is so cool that he stays true to who he is week after week, despite the changing genres and time periods.
2. Carly - I am definitely beginning to like her more and more each week. Last week was the first week that I actually started liking her, but she's got mad talent (I just had on my Randy Jackson costume! Could you tell???)
3. Brooke - I thought she looked beautiful & I love how open & raw she sounded...just her & the piano. Great song for her (she seems so earthy & natural).
4. Chickezie - He's such a cool dude and so entertaining to hear and to see. I love how Simon said he looked drunk (ok, so he did), but he said it with a completely entertained smile, which doesn't part from Simon's lips too often.
5. Syesha- I thought she sounded good, but she's easily becoming forgettable...there wasn't much in that song that could really showcase her voice.
6. Michael - I thought he was just OK - I read an interview with Randy Jackson this week where he was talking about the artists that are the "real deal" - he only mentioned Brooke, Carly, David A & Michael - I was kind of mad, because while I think he's a good singer, I think that David Cook is more musically talented all around.
7. Jason - I wasn't impressed. It's such a great song, but it seemed to sit too much on the area right between his upper and lower ranges, which made the singing really uncomfortable.
8. David Archuleta - I can't believe I have him way down here on my list. His problem was that he went into it with no confidence & it showed in every ounce of his performance...this was the first time that we really saw that he's only 17...I hope he improves next week because I'd hate to see him go. He is sooooo much better than he showed last night.
9. Ramiele - She's so cute and tiny & her voice is amazing, but the song was just boring. I think she stands a chance of going home this week.
10. Kristy - I thought that the song was a cute spin on a Beatles tune, but then, Beatles tunes aren't really meant to be cute...she couldn't keep up with the double-timed pace of it & it quickly fell apart.
11. David Hernandez - As soon as I heard the song that he chose, I couldn't believe my ears...of all the AWESOME Beatles songs out there, he chooses one that was re-done by an 80's bubblegum pop star?
12. Amanda - I just don't like her voice - I know some people think she's awesome, but the whole Janis thing just isn't my style.

Who might go home tonight? Ramiele or David H. are my guesses
My predictions for the top 6: Brooke, Carly, David A., David C., Jason, Michael

What's new?

I think at least 5 people in the past 5 days have asked me what's new with all this infertility stuff...and honestly, I hate when I have to tell them that pretty much nothing is new. I think that's what is so frustrating about this whole journey. You do SO much waiting and there's SO much down-time in between treatments that I think I can even hear my ovaries crying out to me about how old they're getting and how my egg supply is dwindling (my RE's words, not mine), but then when you are in the middle of a treatment cycle, the days seem to creep by even more slowly because you're living from one appointment to the next, hanging on every word of the nurse/doctor/ultrasound tech/embryologist/etc. telling you the good (or in my case, grim) news. The waiting game is slowly killing me. The good news, however, is that I spoke with the doctor's office last week about the overview of my new protocol & I'm excited about it (Lupron Flare Protocol, for those of you interested) & hopeful that it will do the trick for us. I started on BCPs last Thursday & will continue on those through April 13th, then about a week later, I'll start Lupron, then stims. I'll keep you updated on that as things (slowly) start to unfold.

In other news, God is Good! Ok, so that might not be news to some of you, but if you've read any of my previous posts, you will know that I am absolutely in love with my job, but seeing as how I work about 10.5 hours a week at a church, the pay is not exactly fantastic & Gregg has started to get a bit cranky & worried about our financial situation...which I suppose is reasonable since we do have a $12000 medical bill looming over us again in the near future, but I digress. Last week, I was down in our living room testing my fitness age on our Wii (34, not too shabby for this non-athlete) when I got a call from my boss at the preschool/daycare informing me that one of my co-workers (R) handed in her resignation that very day, effective March 28th, thus opening up more hours for me! She offered me a promotion, asking if I would consider becoming the summer activities coordinator (for the full-time daycare kids).

After weighing all the options, Gregg (yes, the one worried about the money) & I decided that it would be best if I didn't work full-time in the summer since it is really our only time to spend an extended period with my family (who live 3 hours away) and to vacation together. I spoke with my boss yesterday and worked out a new plan for both the remainder of this year, as well as next...here is how things will pan out...

• For the remainder of this year, I will be working Monday through Friday, 8:30AM to 5:30PM (with a 1 hour lunch break in the middle). I will spend the 8:30-12 time slot teaching my 4-year-olds on MWF, and R's 3-year-olds on Tues/Thurs. From 1-3:30, I will be working on putting the daycare kids down for naps, then planning for the summer program. From 3:30-5:30, I will be helping with snack and after-school activities for the school-aged daycare kids. That means that I'll be gone from approx. 7:45 to 6PM everyday...I know that housework & cooking will suffer, but if it makes my husband feel more at ease with the money situation (I've never been one to fret over money matters), then I'll make it work somehow.
• During the summer, I will probably fill in for the full-time daycare teachers when they have vacation time. This will allow me to at least post some income, but basically still have my summer off.
  
• As for next year, I will most likely be working 5 days a week from 7-12, helping with the before-school daycare kids, then teaching both the 3 & 4-year old preschool classes. I also spoke with my boss & she is totally ok with me keeping my name on the sub list at the local school district to work days where they can put me in the books ahead of time (like when the teachers have workshops or appointments), so that I have time to give her a heads-up and find a sub for me for the day. This will allow me to keep my name active in the school district & bring in a little extra income here and there.

So, in other words, God has been very good and has really provided for us in this situation. I know that it still isn't ideal in Gregg's eyes (he wants a second full-time teacher's income), but it will have to do for now, seeing as how I've applied in this area for 6 years and only ever had 3 interviews (and only one position came from that), despite my 3 years of full-time teaching experience since that time. Thanks for all your prayers! :)

Menu Plan Monday

Thanks for stopping by my blog today...this week's MPM is going to be a bit off & scattered since DH's sister is home on spring break, so we'll be eating a lot of meals at his parents' house this week so he can spend time with her (and playing her new Guitar Hero for Wii).

Here goes!!...
Monday - something at his parents' house (MIL just called to say we are having tacos...please take note to see what I had planned to make on Tuesday...hmph...)
Tuesday - tacos (see above...I think we'll try this chicken & rice recipe instead)
Wednesday - Colorful Hamburger Rice - Taste of Home magazine
Thursday - Family dinner @ Carabba's for MIL's birthday (belated)
Friday - pierogies w/ sauteed onions & salad

MPMs will begin to get interesting since I am going to be starting to work full-time, beginning at the end of March, through the end of May. I won't be getting home until almost 6 PM, so there's a good chance that you'll see much less "new" stuff & many more recipes that DH can get a head start on when he gets home from work (read: the extent of his cooking is tacos, sloppy joes & well...that's all I've seen him make).

Thanks for visiting my blog & be sure to check out my other posts & the posts over at the Ultimate Blog party (see the side-bar)!

American Idol - Top 8 Girls

We watched the girls tonight & here are our thoughts...

I just can't rank the girls this week - no one majorly wowed me, so I will split them into groups instead...

Good: Carly, Kristy, Syesha, Brooke, Ramiele
OK: Amanda
Probably going home: Asia'h & Kady

Sorry this is so short & sweet but the girls just don't do it for me this year. If I had to pick my favorite girl performance today, it would probably be Syesha, but Carly was pretty good, too.

Works for Me Wednesday - backwards!

Ooh - my second post for today! I wanted to write my American Idol update before it was too late, but I also want to get in on the backwards Works-for-Me-Wednesday...I'm not really sure what to ask for advice on today, so I am wondering if you could just leave me something inspirational for my day (and I promise to pay it forward!) - it could be an internet hug, a scripture verse, a favorite quote, or just something to brighten my day! Thanks for reading my blog & I hope you'll come back soon!

American Idol - Top 8 Boys

So I ended up going 2 for 4 in last week's predictions...I was correct in guessing that Alexandrea & Jason Y would go home, but I didn't guess that Robbie & Alaina (wow - never would have guessed that one) would go home. Let's see how the boys shaped up this week...

1. Jason - awesome - all I could think of the whole time that song was on was the part in Shrek where that plays in the background...I thought he did a great job & I was SO amazed when Simon said that it was one of his favorite performances all year! Wow!
2. David A. - wonderful - again - of course! I agreed with Paula (say what?) that it was somewhat refreshing to hear his voice squeak and go pitchy once in a while because it reminds us that he is human and imperfect! He's still my favorite!
3. David C. - I loved that he played the guitar & I thought he was great! Great song choice!
4. David H. - interesting song choice (Celine Dion) but he actually sounded good...did anyone else hear today that he has stripping & lap dancing on his resume? I guess I won't be too sad if he goes home then.
5. Michael - I thought his song choice was a good one for him, but he's sort of succumbing to the "forgettable"-factor a bit for me lately...his days are numbered.
6. Chickezie* - I thought he sounded great, but maybe a bit TOO serious...especially when you consider how funky & fresh most 80s music was...he could have done something really cool.
7. Danny - God taught me not to speak if I can't say something nice, so I will just say that I liked his pants.
8. Luke* - so.bad - George Michael is never a good choice.

As much as I would love to see Danny & Luke go, I know that Danny is being promoted on VFTW, so my bets this week are on Luke & Chickezie

It's Another Menu-Plan Monday!

Another week & another week's worth of meals to prepare, so here goes! Not too much extraordinary this week. Last week went really well & all the meals turned out great (with no complaining from the hubby!!).
Monday - homemade stromboli (I use frozen bread dough)
Tuesday - Ranch chicken tenders
Wednesday - Girls' Night & Wing Wednesday (for DH)
Thursday - Family night or tacos
Friday - fish dinner @ my parents' place

Enjoy!