Saturday, March 15, 2008

Baby Shower...ugh

I believe that today may go down in history as one of the darker days of our TTC journey...all because of a baby shower, the bane of my existence these days. Due to my overwhelming need for even an ounce of self-preservation, I haven't attended a baby shower since we've started TTC (although I would have during that first year, when I didn't know we were actually dealing with infertility, if I had been invited) and I swore that I wouldn't until I was pg with my own. I didn't even attend the shower of one of my best friends, who just had her baby 2 days ago. Thank God she's a great friend and understood. But I suppose there are things that just can't be avoided sometimes...like when your husband's brother & his wife are expecting. The only saving grace of the day is that they live on the other side of the country & therefore cannot take a bunch of stuff back with them on the plane, so everyone in the family is going in on their crib and bedding ($600-something bedding, mind you!!!!!). That means that I won't have to sit through everyone ooh-ing and aah-ing over all those cute little baby things that I wish I were opening instead of SIL. Another positive aspect of the day is that it is being played up more as a St. Patrick's Day party (it's for couples, not just women) than a baby shower, so with the exception of a couple balloons & a cake with a stork on them, I won't be drowning in a sea of baby-themed stuff.

...but I'm still not looking forward to going. I know it sounds so terrible and selfish because when the time comes for me to be having a baby shower, I will want people to be as happy and as excited as we will be...but at the same time, I don't ever want someone to think that they have to temporarily mask the pain and grief that they're feeling out of social obligation to a stupid party...why does it have to come down to a shower? Why is it OK for people to assume that just because I don't want to attend their shower, that I'm not happy for them. I AM happy for them. But you know what? I'm not happy about my own situation and seeing someone else's rightful joy, a joy that I long for and know that I may never experience, is purely a form of torture. I have no problem going out to lunch with the mommy-to-be, or going for a visit after the baby is born, but a day that's all about "mommy, mommy, mommy" and "baby, baby, baby" only serves as a reminder that the only purpose I thought I held in this life may never be fulfilled. And that just sucks.

8 comments:

That Chick Over There said...

Baby Showers are the absolute worst for me too. Because you love the person having the baby and you are happy for them, but you are just so damn sad for you.

((hugs))

Hafsa said...

Teri, I don't think that's selfish at all. I actually have similar feelings when I hear about a new pregnancy. Although I love my friends it pangs my heart when my husband and I are trying and it hasn't happened yet. You have amazing friends to understand that, because I don't think mine would be that understanding. It's nice to know someone else has those feelings of awkwardness sometimes.

tipptalk said...

Girl, I am crying for you. I know EXACTLY how you feel. My brother and sister in law are pregnant and it is about all I can do not to throw myself out a window everytime we get together. Baby this, baby that, it encompasses all of our family conversation these days. New ultrasound pics every month. YOu would think people would get a clue and stop sending them. My grandmother even had the nerve to ask me when I was "going to catch up with my brother" last week. She forgot, she is old, but it still made me die a little inside. I think you are right on that people should understand that you can be happy for them without rubbing your nose into all things baby. My heart aches for you, because I feel that same hollowness.

I pray that you will make it through it and that everyone will be empathetic to your situation!

Kristen said...

I just now saw this post, so I am hoping that you remained strong and that the shower wasn't as bad as you invisioned. I have two coming up in early summer and I haven't even been invited yet but know it will happen and I'm stressing over it. Just know that you are NOT the only one who worries and hates baby showers!!!!!

Erin said...

I felt the same way while we were trying to have a baby. It seemed as if everyone was a having a baby but me. And I did the whole putting on the face/act for them. Then went home and cried....

graspthelove said...

I know the shower is probably over by now but just wanted to send you hugs...been there, done that and you are right it does suck. Praying for you!

Milk Mama said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie! There's nothing I can say to make it better. But you will be a mother some day!!!

Ter said...

((hugs)) I can understand, 100 percent.