**Please read the whole way to the end for follow-up comments on lesson 1 & these lessons as a whole!
Lesson #2 - God Knows What He is Doing. He is in Control
- I often find it hard to admit to myself that God has even remembered who I am, let alone that he's actually orchestrating the plans of my life on a daily basis. I am reminded that God does not always give us our sufferings (Satan is always in the mix where pain and struggle are concerned), but He does hurt when we hurt and it does pain him to see us suffering. It makes it easy to wonder why He doesn't just take away this hurt and pain, which we know he does have the power to do....it makes it easy to question or challenge God and scream out in anguish against our burdens, just as Job did (see God's response to him below).
"Who are you to question my wisdom? Were you there when I made the world? Who closed the gates to hold back the sea when it burst from the womb of the earth? Have you ever in all your life commanded a day to dawn? Has anyone ever shown you the gates that guard the dark world of the dead?" ~Job 38:2, 4, 8, 12, 17
- When I get angry with God and begin to cry out in anger and frustration, I read passages like this and I struggle in some ways. On the one hand, I feel so small and insignificant...why would the God who commands each day to dawn care about me moaning and complaining that I can't have a baby? or that I am unhappy at work? or that life isn't really turning out the way I had hoped? But then I take some comfort in knowing that no matter how insignificant I feel, God does in fact care about my struggles...it's just that in my imperfect human perspective, I have trouble understanding (and accepting) that His plans are not my plans & I'm not in the driver's seat, as this world would like me to believe (see below).
- Sometimes my life does, in fact, feel like a disaster. I'm almost 30 years old, no baby, no good-paying job, no extraordinary gifts or talents, nothing to really be known for...and I struggle with that a lot. A LOT. I find myself being so intensely over-critical of myself that every flaw is magnified 100x & everyone else's good traits are inflated accordingly...in essence, I can see everyone else's "good life" and find myself begrudging my own...and it's a tough predicament to get out of, considering my life circumstances aren't really changing (and haven't for the past 4 years)....BUT I do put my hope in the Lord. I know that my timing is not His timing. My plans are not His plans. The path I would like to take isn't necessarily the one that He's leading me on. And I'm learning to trust. I'm hopeful that somewhere, somehow, someday along this journey, He will bring about the future that I hope for.
**After re-reading my last post, as well as some of the comments, I feel the need to note that these 5 lessons are in no way meant to make you feel guilty if you aren't living by them in your daily life. I certainly do not want any of my readers to think that I'm never bitter over my infertility struggles (check out some of my posts from 2006-2007 for proof of that) or that it's so easy for me to hand over control of my life's situations to God...because it's NOT! It's absolutely a daily struggle, and quite honestly...it sucks. I will never be able to look back and honestly say that this season in my life was a blessing in a horrific disguise or that I will know what God was trying to teach me through all of this, but I am learning to trust & that's a really hard thing for me to do. I hope you'll be back for more...