Thursday, February 05, 2009

No news isn't always good news

No news isn't always good news...especially in the case of searching for an egg donor. It's been almost two full weeks since our initial mention of a donor was made in our church bulletin, and one week since the e-message went out & we haven't heard anything. I realize that this is a matter that isn't to be taken lightly & therefore requires a great deal of thought & prayer on the part of everyone involved...but man, I'm just so tired of all this waiting. And wondering. And worrying.

Worrying that we might not end up finding a volunteer to donate eggs for us. Worrying that if we don't find someone, we very well could shell out $6-8K for a that otherwise could be used toward an adoption. I mean, there are definitely pros to that avenue, as well (like the fact that we could choose a donor who looks like me & has similar body structures & features as us), but it all comes back to the money thing. How much is the pregnancy experience worth to me, exactly? In non-monetary terms, it's worth more to me than just about anything else, to be perfectly honest. If money were not an obstacle, we would have been at an agency yesterday...two months ago actually. But this is the real world. And money is a factor, unfortunately. I have to start making decisions that no woman should ever have to make. Do I want to be selfish with my desire to be a mother the way that I want to and shell out lots of money & possibly not end up with a pregnancy anyway? Or do I be "sensible" and take the path that my head would lead me on, which is to put my selfish desires aside & put the money towards an adoption. Let's be honest...following our heads isn't always the "right" choice either. So we continue to hope & pray (and even though I shouldn't, we worry).

Work continues to be work. However, my 3s are getting better each day and M has really started to show emotion and interaction with others (mostly adults, more so than with classmates). Today, he actually got up and hugged the man who was helping out in my classroom (the after-school supervisor) & then said, "Wait! I forgot to kiss you!" and he planted a kiss right on his shoulder! Wow! That was a HUGE WOW! And Tuesday at gym class, he just looks at me with this sweet twinkle in his eye, places his hand on my shoulder and says, "I like you..." Ok does that just melt your heart or what?

And today, it was so darn cute...we were watching a power point slide show that I made for the letter Rr. It was Rr Animal Riddles. I would give clues (and sometimes animal sounds) on the power point and try to get the kids to guess the animal. The one was really stumping them, which said: "I have a beak and feathers, I live in a nest, I am usually the first bird that you see in the spring, I have a red chest." Everyone was pretty stumped, so I was trying to think of some clues for them (if you work with kids, you know that bird classification is not really in the scope of skills for a 3 yr old...pretty much anything that flies is a "bird"). Finally, I thought about one of my student's whose mom's name is Robyn. I said, "Hey Noah! What's your Mom's name?" and he just sat and thought for a minute. Then I said, "You know, what's her real name? What does your Daddy call your Mommy?" And he thought for another second, "Ummmm, Honey?"

There you have it! Too, too cute!

Please pray!


Amy said...

Oh, Teri, I'm thinking of you on the donor thing. I will say a special prayer for you this week.

And BTW, LOVE the "Robyn/Honey" story! Too cute! Kids say the darndest things, don't they?

Ter said...

I continue to hope that your journey towards motherhood has a happy outcome!!

Candi said...

Oh my word, that Robyn story is too funny!

I honestly can't even imagine the choices you are facing. Praying for you!

Candi said...

I had to come back and tell you....Lucas, who will be 3 at the end of the month, just brought a book to me with a picture of a goose on the back. I pointed to it and told him it was a goose. He said, "That's not a goose, it's a bird!". Too funny!

mjenningsdesigns said...

We were faced with the same decision and it is a very difficult one. In the end I now know that I didn't make it...God made it for me. I wouldn't trade my path for all the money in the world. IMHO it is not the pregnancy that makes you a mom...and as an adoptive Mom I can tell you it makes NO difference if your child looks like you or not. Hugs to you and if you ever want to talk email me...