I'm always fascinated by the emotional stronghold that our lives' events seem to have over us at any given moment. For example, yesterday was a perfectly normal day & I was feeling pretty good about things. Everything is lining up for our IVF w/DE cycle & I'm thinking that "hey, yeah! I may actually get a chance at this mommy thing!" ...and THEN, I find out via FB that a friend of mine (who announced her FIRST pregnancy a couple of months after DH & I started trying for a baby almost FOUR YEARS AGO) just had her THIRD baby...yeah..as much as I love her (and I REALLY DO), Fertile Myrtles are the bane of my existence. I want to hate them. I guess sometimes I actually do...envy is probably a better word. I could never actually hate someone as sweet as her.
And then, a family friend posted her FB status as, "I wonder if little J will have a baby brother or a baby sister?" I hate PG announcements via facebook, unless they're my own or some other well-deserving infertile...I'm a jaded, insensitive, calloused, double-standard witch, huh? Hmmm, yeah, I know...but I guess I've earned my stripes.
And then we get the wonderful news today that if AF doesn't show up by the 12th (as in next Tuesday), then we will have to postpone our IVF w/ DE until July due to my donor going on vacation (no, I'm not upset about that at all, I'm not THAT horrible!) in mid-June, and the clinic being closed until July 1. Is it a huge deal to wait one month, especially after waiting four years? I guess not, but I'm thoroughly sick of being patient...which I think qualifies me as being thoroughly impatient, but I digress. Plus, I'm worried that if we wait until July, I will miss it then, as well, because I'm in my cousin's wedding on the 11th (hopefully, though, by then I will still be on the pill & they can have more control over everything).
Finally, there is the matter of the study. I had naively assumed that because we were taking part in a research study, that we would not be responsible for any costs associated with said study. The doctor had said previously that the only cost to us would be in getting our donor tested (about 2K or so). Imagine my surprise when I find out today that we are in fact responsible for some of the meds needed for the study. Lupron, Doxycycline & HCG are not covered under the study & donor meds are not covered under my insurance. Granted, none of those meds are crazy-expensive (around $400 total) and we don't have to pay for stims (thank GOD!)...and I know, in the grand scheme of a "free" $12000 procedure (or $25000 if you consider that this is a donor cycle), well, I shouldn't be complaining and fretting, but I hate being blind-sided by anything, most especially money matters.
So there you have it! My depressing post of the week! Please pray for AF to rear her BEAUTIFUL head soon (the nausea and irritability are a good sign, right?) so we can get this party started!