Wednesday, August 06, 2008

So much to talk about...

Ok everyone, let's welcome in the month of August! Yay! Everyone's favorite super-hot month where all the kiddos (and teachers, ugh) go back to school and life returns to (somewhat) normal! I've been busy getting my classroom ready and I think it looks pretty good. Maybe I'll post some pics soon.

The month has started out pretty well. We got an email from the building coordinator at our new community last week with a picture of our "home."I know, I know - it could use a little work, but don't you think the dirt floors give it that rustic charm? Yep, I thought so, too.

But seriously, that's our hole in the ground and we're really excited! When we drove through last week, I practically squealed with excitement as we drove through the development and everyone waved and said hello to us...we've never had that before and since we're both kind of hermit-like, we need socialites around us to keep us from only keeping to ourselves and shutting out the world. We drove by yesterday and they were putting the footers in (whatever that means), so it's progress, progress!

In other exciting news, I won three prizes in the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival and I couldn't be happier. The first is a book from Tara at Tara's View on Books, a coupon for a free box of cereal from Michelle at Big Blueberry Eyes, and a bracelet from Melissa at MJennings Designs through Joanna at JoJo's World. I am very excited about all of these wins, but most especially the bracelet. Expect a blog post on the wonderful bracelet once I receive it - it's VERY exciting and Melissa has been so great to work with!

And finally, I'm not sure where my mind is going with all of this baby stuff right now, but I really just feel like something has changed in my heart over the past week. I finally realized that I'm just sick of waiting for a baby and not being able to do something about it. So, come January, we're talking about starting the adoption process. I know that things can take a very long time, but I'm hopeful that maybe in 2009, I will be a mommy...please keep us in your prayers. I know there's still that huge part inside of me that feels like I'm giving up on my dream to hold my baby in my belly and actually bear a child, and I don't really think that that dream can ever really go away, but the hopeful side of me keeps saying that maybe being able to nurture will somehow dull the pain and sting that infertility has given us and help us to move on...I'm crying as I'm typing this because I know that it's going to take a long time to convince my heart and my head that I'll never be a mommy the way that I want to be...and that my feelings of injustice will never go away...but being a mommy to someone is more important to me than my own pride, so we'll see where this journey leads us. Undoubtedly, no matter how you look at it, more pain and hurt are on the way, but hopefully this road leads us to the end of the tunnel and not another dead-end.

8 comments:

Missy said...

Teri I just love you so much! I love your honesty and your open real heart. I continue to grieve for you and your heartache but at the same time I'm so excited that you guys are embarking on the journey of adoption. You are right, there are probably many more hard days ahead and be assured that when you hold that little one it will be just as much your baby as a baby you carried in your womb. You will continue to grieve and wonder why and who knows maybe God's plan is for you to get pregnant some day - I'm praying so hard for that. But more than that I pray you continue to trust Him and run to Him and cling to Him. Missy at www.graspthelove.wordpress.com

Tara said...

oh sweetie, I will pray.

I won a bracelet from Melissa last bloggy carnival and I LOVE it! She is very talented :)

Hafsa said...

Teri,

I am so happy about your decision. I know it stinks but I'm so proud of you for staying strong throughout this ordeal. When I told my aunt about maybe pursuing adoption, she said, "I bet when you're getting on the plane to come back home, you'll find that you're pregnant." I know it sound silly but never give up hope that someday God will bless you. Let me know how the adoption process goes. I may need tips and advice if we go that route in the future :)

BIG HUGS!

p.s. I love the dirt floors ;)

Erin said...

If you are anything like the friends and family I have had that dealt with infertility, as soon as you begin to focus on the adoption process, you will find yourself with a surprise pregnancy. I have seen that over and over again. Best of luck!

Megan said...

I'll be praying- and looking forward to seeing you in a few days!

mjenningsdesigns said...

Thanks so much! I am so excited for you and the possibility of your adoption. You know we adopted a precious baby boy from Guatemala who is the absolute LIGHT of our lives! I was also a teacher for 11 years (high school) before retiring to stay home with Peyton. Ironically we built our home and closed on it in December and accepted our referral in early February and Peyton came home that following June.

I can't wait to hear how you like your bracelet!

Amy said...

We built our house and I can remember the excitement over our hole, too. Congrats! :) Take lots of pictures! And, take some of the neighborhood, too- you won't believe how fast the other houses seem to go up after yours is done.

Courtney said...

Hi Teri, I just randomly (or maybe not so randomly, one of those God things) linked to your blog through other blogs and the post about keeping the faith in the midst of infertility caught my eye and touched my heart. It took us 6 years to become parents. I have a few resources (some of which I've come across recently and WISH I had had back then). If they can bless you...awesome! And I'll be praying for you.
#1 When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden--found this very helpful
#2 Beth Moore's Get Out of that Pit. This is so very wonderful and she is so very wonderful and wise and encouraging. And she knows hurt firsthand and is real and honest about struggles. Also about blowing it, which I can relate to as well. And sadly, my biggest blow-it was during my infertility years (got discouraged and made some very disastrous and selfish choices)
#3 Andy Stanley's video sermon series, Faith Hope and Luck. You can find it on YouTube if you type in those words. I know I'd be about as motivated to watch some random person's pastor as to watch paint dry, but they break the sermon in short increments. Give it an 8 minute investment of your time. WONDERFUL.
#4 Louie Giglio's sermon Hope When Life Hurts Most. This you'd have to order, but it's one to share and is AWESOME. I would be happy to mail it to you as well. It's that powerful and it matters to me that much to support someone else riding the infertility roller coaster and trying to cling to faith.
#5 Join a Community Bible Study group if they have one in your area. Nothing like weekly time with other Christian women really plunging into daily Bible lessons and seeing how God is at work and has plans even when things are painful and uncertain. (Joseph sure had no idea what was happening while he was sold into slavery by his brothers and then in that Egyptian jail for years; David was running for his life UNJUSTLY for years; and etc.) Focusing on how big God is and Who He is and how faithful He is and His word is awesome. And for me, it's when I want to least that I usually need it most. The structure of a group can help you stay in the Word and be encouraged by others.
#6 Ruth Myer's 31 Days of Praise and The Satisfied Heart:31 Days of Experiencing God's Love (Like Beth Moore, this woman has firsthand experience with serious suffering and disappointments. She is wonderfully wise and inspiring!)
Praying for you!