Still in the Dark

Although I feel that we are *slightly* closer to seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, I still feel very much in the dark right now. We found out Monday exactly what has been preventing us from getting pregnant over the past year: G's sperm counts are good, but their motility & morphology are pretty much horrible. This is where I become really frustrated that the Dr.'s office wouldn't even let us do an out-of-pocket sperm analysis six months ago when I wanted to - we have wasted an entire year for nothing. Honestly, if you're not PG after 6 months & you as a woman know you have very regular cycles & are ovulating, I really think that insurance companies & Dr. offices should let you get an SA...but, I digress....

SO, now at least we know what is wrong, but that also basically means that we have a next-to-zero percent chance of getting pregnant on our own - ever! G's happy because that means he never has to wear condoms again & if we end up with an oops baby, well hallelujah! Some of those little guys CAN actually swim that far! Our recent SA findings have, however, helped me to stop thinking about what CD I'm on or anything that my body may be doing during the 2ww - while I do believe in miracles, I have no reason to think that it's going to happen to me! Now of course, we just have to do more waiting...wait until Oct. 2nd for DH's 2nd SA & then wait another month (and WASTE another month) until Nov. 2nd when we go in for the follow-up with the RE. I'm sick of waiting already - I've already been waiting 14 freaking months for this baby - I don't want to wait 2 more to even start THINKING about doing IUI or IVF or whatever the RE wants us to do.

I guess all I can do is just pray...
T