Friday, June 12, 2009

Ok God, I hear ya!

First of all, let me come clean in front of all of Bloggyville...I've not done the best job of listening to God lately. Don't get me wrong, I haven't gone out and robbed any banks or mugged innocent bystanders (or the guilty ones for that matter!), but over the past few weeks I have succumbed to the evil forces of laziness (where my walk with God is concerned anyway) & I'm not feeling so great about it. My bible had been sorely neglected for crosswords & Sudoku God decided to kick my butt!

I finally managed to wipe the dust off the old Book two nights ago and Whew! Let me tell you! God had some words for me. I first started by reading in the book of Job (Job & I are kindred spirits, I think...except for the whole crusty sores thing...), which then directed me (via the devotional section of the bible in the margins) to Psalm 46...which I read, and promptly cried. I've probably read this psalm hundreds of times (particularly 46:10) over our 4 years of TTC, but for some reason, the other night it hit me hard...because I know that I'm trying to do too much of this on my own. I'm worrying over details, stressing over whether or not B's bloodwork will come back before she leaves on vacation, and just being plain untrusting. And finally God said, "Look - this is MY job! Sit back & let me take care of the details!" So for the next couple of months (while all of the craziness ensues), I'm going to try my hardest to sit back, shut up, and see where we end up when this crazy roller coaster finally stops. Join me on the journey (but please buckle up! God still hasn't promised me the roadblocks would be cleared!)

Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.