Tuesday, January 20, 2009

PSA: I am in love with my pastor!

Ok, so maybe "in love" isn't quite appropriate, but I do LOOOOVE him! I've been patiently (or impatiently) waiting for weeks to hear anything back from the church about aiding us on our search for an egg donor. I had written to one of the associate pastors asking if she would agree to be our contact person if we were to anonymously "advertise" for a donor & I basically heard NOTHING back (turns out they were waiting to talk to the ministerium attorney, but still - something to tide my patience over would have been nice). Last week, I took matters into my own hands & set up a meeting with the senior pastor to discuss the matter. I met with him today & all of my feelings of frustration melted away...I truly do love that man. He is just so kind and dear...and he "gets" it.

He spent a lot of time asking me questions about the procedure, the far-reaching implications of donating eggs & our "criteria" for the donor. I could tell that he wanted to be sure that we really understood what we were doing & by the end, I think he did. We were both tearing up. At one point, we were discussing adoption vs. doing the study & he said, "Don't even think about money, which is more important to you: just getting a baby to parent or the whole experience (pregnancy)?" and without a second thought, I of course said that the experience of pregnancy has ABSOLUTELY been the hardest part for me to let go of...and he immediately said, "Well then this is what we have to do...we will find you a donor."

Then I mentioned about how we understood that some people may be offended to which he replied, "Well sure, people will be offended, there's always someone who is going to be offended by something, but think of the good that could come from this! Think of the joy that a woman could have knowing that she gave another woman the opportunity to become a mother! This is just such a great opportunity for our church to rally and support each other!" And I just sighed, nodded, and teared up. Wow. He gets it.

So at the end, he prayed with me and said that they will print it in the bulletin this week & he (in his typical diplomatic nature) will make an anonymous announcement at all of the services this weekend & do a bit of tugging on the old heart-strings.

Today is a good day. I just have good feelings about this...He makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside. And you know what? Today he made me realize that God is there...God is HERE. And instead of making me angry, it actually encouraged me to see this wonderful man of God humbled by the things about God that he doesn't understand. Like why there are tons of bad parents out there who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat & then there's people like us who want it so badly we can taste it, yet we have to jump through hoops. And yet, even a pastor can't understand what God is doing with all of it...but one thing that Pastor D was sure of, we will be blessed through all of this.

And you know what? For once, I agree. I'm in a good place today, where I can see that there's a time for wailing and lamenting about the bad stuff in my life, but I spend way too little time praising God for the good. The good hubby I have, the good job (no matter how frustrating), the good home, the good family, and all around the GOOD people in our lives. I think my hardened heart is finally starting to soften. And you know what else? I think I might cry again in church this week...but for totally different reasons...

6 comments:

Ter said...

I actually have tears in my eyes reading this.... I know how frustrated you were about the announcement not being printed and how worried you were that this may not be something that will happen for you....

I am so glad that it appears that things are going in the right direction now and I hope hope hope they continue to do so. May you find the perfect donor and that everything goes smoothly for you.

((many hugs))

Nichole said...

I know I posted on the chat board, but I just had to post here too. I am so happy for you it sounds like you have a wonderful pastor backing you! Your post gave me goosebumps!

Erin said...

O yeah..finally someone who is ok with stepping on toes. And I do mean that in the nicest way!! I really do hope this is the turning point for the two of you!
I understand what you mean about people getting pregnant that shouldn't be. I have seen it far too often and it frustrates me to know end. I have begged the doctors I work(ed) for to "accidently" remove their parts!

graspthelove said...

oh girl you made me cry. I'm so glad you met with your Pastor and so glad it went well. And keep trusting, He is there with you even in the valley! Love you!

Megan said...

It made me so happy to read this post! How wonderful! I'll be praying for this Sunday - let me know how it goes!

Candi said...

Wow....that is awesome. Praying his tugging at the heart strings works!

I can imagine that giving up on the idea of being pregnant would be a hard one! Of course you would love a child that you didn't carry, too. Just last night as I was walking through the hall with my husband, I noticed him looking at pictures of our boys. I told him not to look at them too long or he may want another one (there are 2 frames with several pictures and there is one of each of the boys hours after they were born). Then I pointed to the ones where I was pregnant (there is one of me pregnant with each boy) and I told him that if I looked at that too long I'd want to have another one. It truly was a wonderful experience, and I'm hoping you can have one (or more!) of your own!