WFMW: Father's Day Card!

This week I thought I would blog about a simple craft project that you can make with your little-ones for an inexpensive (yet super-cute) Father's Day gift! I know it's odd for an infertile to blog about Father's Day, but I've always loved making this craft with my preschoolers/kindergartners & I didn't want to pass up a chance to share it with everyone who DOES have a baby who needs a gift to give Daddy on Father's Day this year!

For this project, you will need: 1 piece of solid-colored card stock, 1 long-ish scrap of pretty patterned paper (or a solid color & your kiddo can make a design themselves!), 3 buttons, scissors & some glue. Please pretend there's a bottle of glue in this picture

Step 1: Draw the outline of a neck-tie on the backside of your patterned paper. You'll want it to be about 5-6" long. Cut out the tie.

Step 2: Fold your card stock into a card (hamburger-style, as I tell my preschoolers...not hot dog-style).

Step 3: Open the paper up again so it is lying flat across your work surface. Using your scissors, cut down on the fold approximately one inch and fold this section down to create a rectangle.

Step 4: Again using the scissors, cut away the rectangular section that you created on the left-side (back) of your card. This will, in essence, make the back-side of your card 1" shorter than the front.

Step 5: Fold the card again along the original fold & cut in 2" on both sides of the front to create two flaps. Use the back of the card as your guide in order to make your new flaps just 1" tall.

Step 6: Fold the flaps in at an angle so that they meet each other in the middle.

Step 7: Glue on your tie & buttons, then add your message inside!

Include a hand-written message from you and/or the kiddos (kid-writing is awesome, or if they are able, try having them copy a simple "I Love You, Daddy!") or include baby's hand-print as the signature. Find a simple poem to include & your project is complete! Here is a cute poem that my preschoolers glue inside:
Daddy, I love you
For all that you do.
I'll kiss you and hug you
'Cause you love me, too.

You feed me and need me
To teach you to play,
So smile 'cause I love you
On this Father's Day.

Check out We Are That Family for more WFMW!

I love a bargain (meal)!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a bargain-shopper extraordinaire. Whether it be dollar store finds, deals and steals at the grocery store, clearance racks at department stores, various miscellany at yard sales, or free samples online, I literally get a high when I get a great deal (I once got a pair of really amazing denim capris with a belt for $.97 off the clearance rack at JCPenney's! Imagine the euphoria!). So it shouldn't surprise anyone that making cheap (yet delicious and healthy) meals at home would bring me equal amounts of joy!

I bought a 6-lb roasting chicken at the grocery store the other day for $1.59 a pound (roughly $9.50 total). I didn't have any hard & fast plans for the chicken at the time, but Thursday evening, I decided to roast it. I used an adaptation of Tyler Florence's Ultimate Roast Chicken (thanks Hafsa!), except that I made an herb butter instead of using olive oil & I didn't use the bacon at all. Of course, after the fact, I found this recipe on the Delish food blog & now I want to go out to buy another just so I can stop drooling...but I digress...

After Thursday's delicious dinner, I picked all of the big pieces of meat off the bones. We still had a bunch of meaty bits sticking to the bones, though, so on Friday, I decided to boil the carcass & innards (lovely, huh?) to make my famous chicken noodle soup! And it was such a huge batch that we had it for lunch today & there will be enough for lunch tomorrow, too!

And finally, there was still about 2 cups of meat left, so today, I modified this sloppy joe recipe to make chicken bbq sandwiches and they were AMAZING! I threw all of the ingredients into the crock pot on low for about 2 hours & served them with a (thrifty) side of salad with lettuce fresh from our garden! And there's still enough left for a couple of sandwiches this week! I'll include the recipe that I used below, just so I have it in my blog recipe file for future use!

3 complete meals (plus plenty of leftovers) from one chicken? That's what I call a bargain!

Chicken BBQ Sandwiches

1.5 to 2 c shredded, cooked chicken meat
2T tomato paste
2/3 c barbecue sauce (we LOVE Sweet Baby Ray's)
1/2 c ketchup
1/4 c Worcestershire sauce
1/4 c soy sauce
black pepper

Combine all ingredients in the crockpot & cook on low for 2 hours.

Ok God, I hear ya!

First of all, let me come clean in front of all of Bloggyville...I've not done the best job of listening to God lately. Don't get me wrong, I haven't gone out and robbed any banks or mugged innocent bystanders (or the guilty ones for that matter!), but over the past few weeks I have succumbed to the evil forces of laziness (where my walk with God is concerned anyway) & I'm not feeling so great about it. My bible had been sorely neglected for crosswords & Sudoku puzzles...so God decided to kick my butt!

I finally managed to wipe the dust off the old Book two nights ago and Whew! Let me tell you! God had some words for me. I first started by reading in the book of Job (Job & I are kindred spirits, I think...except for the whole crusty sores thing...), which then directed me (via the devotional section of the bible in the margins) to Psalm 46...which I read, and promptly cried. I've probably read this psalm hundreds of times (particularly 46:10) over our 4 years of TTC, but for some reason, the other night it hit me hard...because I know that I'm trying to do too much of this on my own. I'm worrying over details, stressing over whether or not B's bloodwork will come back before she leaves on vacation, and just being plain untrusting. And finally God said, "Look - this is MY job! Sit back & let me take care of the details!" So for the next couple of months (while all of the craziness ensues), I'm going to try my hardest to sit back, shut up, and see where we end up when this crazy roller coaster finally stops. Join me on the journey (but please buckle up! God still hasn't promised me the roadblocks would be cleared!)

Psalm 46
¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Only In America...

Thanks for the comments on my last post! I think I'm going to go with the bean salad, only because I think it will hold up the best for the duration of the picnic! Thanks, Katey!

I received the following forward in my email today & thought that I just HAD to share it...only in America...

Recently, Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen. Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter:$0.00 dollars Having Michelle Obama serve your soup: $0.00 dollars A homeless person who is receiving government-funded meals taking a picture of the first lady using a$300 Black Berry cell phone with a $200-a-month BlackBerry service......PRICELESS !

Suggestions?? Anyone?

Readers/comments (not sure which) have been scarce lately...I know it's partially my fault because I haven't had too much to write about lately, and because I've been really busy the past few weeks. Now that I only have 4 days of work left, my schedule will be opening up very soon...so my question for you is...what would you like to see more of on my blog? Are there specific infertility (or non-infertility) topics that you would like to read more about? Any other suggestions on how to attract more readers to my blog?

Also, I'm looking for a really great salad recipe to take to our church picnic on Sunday...it can be a pasta salad, veggie salad, non-traditional salad...anything really! I need suggestions, people! Thanks everyone!!

Weekend-O-Fun

Our Annual (almost the) end-of-the-school year weekend of fun is upon us and I couldn't be more excited! Every year for the past few years, we pack up the car for G's parents' shore house and we host all of our friends from G's work & his coaching buddies. The weekend usually involves board games (Apples to Apples and Loaded Questions are some favorites), the beach (of course!), outdoor games (horseshoes & the PVC pipe frisbee game!), and consuming large quantities of alcohol...I will have you know that I usually stick with a wine cooler, sparkletini, or maybe an appletini...I am definitely the soberest (is that a word) one at the end of the night (I'm a total lightweight!)! However, I've been pulled through the wringer several times by the RE's office this week...I told G today that I need a massage...he thinks that I need a drink instead!

Last year's trip included our friend Mark losing his wedding band in Davy Jones's locker, with a trip to the 5 & 10 store to follow in which they came back armed with kiddie snorkels and shovels in hopes of finding it (no luck, however). This year, he will have to remember to keep his ring in the beach bag. Last year's trip also involved a game of cops & robbers (or was it cowboys & indians?) with the (intoxicated) boys around 3 in the morning. I am happy to say that my husband did not partake in the re-enactment.

I've been prepping food for the past few days, doing a few things here and there. I browned up ground beef & boiled & shredded some chicken today. Those will go into a lasagna, a Chicken Broccoli lasagna & my famous Buffalo Chicken Dip. I also made some garlic butter to go on a loaf of French bread, so we can have garlic bread with our lasagna on Saturday. Our friends are bringing baked goods & snacks, taco fixings for tomorrow's dinner, cookout goodies for Saturday's lunch & pretty much anything and everything you can imagine! Basically a weekend of indulgences, which we will pay for come Monday...I can hardly wait!

Works for me Wednesday: Mom, I'm Bored Edition!

I don't have kids (hence the title of my blog), but I do teach preschool, so I thought I would hop right in on this week's Works for Me Wednesday: Mom, I'm Bored! Edition.

How would you like an activity for your kiddos that is inexpensive, educational, AND fun? Look no further than your hubby's can of shaving cream! Squirt a nice-sized mound on the table in front of your little one and watch them get to work! You can use this as purely a sensory activity for the younger ones, letting them squish & squash to their hearts content (with supervision, of course)! Give them toy cars to drive through it or cookie cutters to make patterns/designs in the foam.

For older kids, you can have them draw pictures, practice writing their name, letters, numbers or word wall words. When I taught kindergarten, I would do this activity on one of the last days of school every year (I forgot to do it in preschool this year) and the kids would rave about it the rest of the day! They would each take turns (at their table) choosing word wall words or classmates' names for the other kids at the table to write.

And best of all, as the kids are playing, the foam dissolves into nothingness and leaves your tables sparkling clean! That works for me!

What's new?

Everyone has constantly (in a nice way, of course) been asking me when the IVF w/ DE cycle will start up and at this point, I basically have to say that your guess is as good as mine! I'm supposed to be starting bcp w/ my next cycle & B is supposed to start hers, too. The problem is that B doesn't get AF, which means that she has to go for repeated blood work in order to determine where she is in her cycle (hormonally in her body). This wouldn't be such a difficult thing except that I've been emailing and calling the nurse at the RE's office repeatedly since SUNDAY to find out whether or not they've faxed in an order for B's blood work to her local lab. Honestly, one wouldn't think that it would be such a hard thing to reply a quick "sure" to my emails or call me back with a "yes" but apparently it is.

I feel like I've become a squeaky wheel now, but I don't know what else to do! B leaves on her vacation in less than 2 weeks, so I would like her to know (before she leaves) whether or not she will be able to start on the pill while she's gone or what will be expected of her upon her return.

Despite all of the craziness, my persistence has paid off (G says it's good that I'm so on top of things since the RE's office is so friggin' disorganized). I arranged for B to do her first two u/s and b/w monitorings in central PA, 20 minutes from where she lives, which is fantastic news! It will cost us some money out-of-pocket, but I feel better about things, knowing that I can take at least a little bit of the burden off of B.

G also went for his cystic fibrosis full-panel screening yesterday! I am happy to report that he took it like a champ (meaning he didn't pass out and look like he was having a seizure like he did a year ago when he had to have b/w done for our 1st IVF)! The nurse was excellent (he has to lie down to give blood & he's got tough veins) & she even brought him apple juice and animal crackers when he was done. I was so proud of him! I know...men!, right? He said that if he had to give blood as often as I have to, he would probably get used to it...but I say I'm just tougher than he is!

In other exciting news, we broke out the ice cream maker for the first time ever on Sunday (nevermind the fact that we received it as a wedding gift nearly 5 years ago)! We modified a recipe & tried to make pineapple sorbet...it sort of turned out, but mostly tasted like pure sweetness. However, on Monday, we followed the recipe for Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream to a tee and it turned out great! The ILs took us out for dinner last night (just for the heck of it), so we invited them over afterwards for ice cream! MIL said that if we hadn't told her any better, she would have thought she was eating Breyer's...so much cheaper (less than $3 for almost a half gallon) and I just feel better about eating: milk, cream, sugar, peppermint & chocolate chips, rather than who-knows-what...next on my agenda is Cinnamon ice cream!

Finally, let me share with you some of the fruits of my labor...our first harvest - 3 radishes!!!

sorry - and a giveaway!

I know I haven't blogged in a while and I promise a real update next week, but, well...cheerleading tryouts are tomorrow and that's pretty much been all-consuming for the last two weeks! Expect more writeage soon.

Until then, check out Lewa's Designs for some awesome wall art! A Soft Place to Land is linking up to a giveaway of her cool stuff & I couldn't resist tagging along for the fun! Check it out!

The Peace of a Dove

Despite all of the craziness of the past week (2 preschool graduations, 3 days of cheerleading practices/tryouts, 2 last-days of school for my 3- and then 4-year-old classes, cleaning my classroom & new developments unfolding with the doctor's office), I've somehow managed to feel some sense of peace and calm (albeit nervousness) this week.

The graduations went really smoothly. Monday night's was the one for the 4-year-old class & it's definitely the more formal (and stressful) of the two. Everything went as planned (except for a minor catastrophe where the church had double-booked the chapel, which was our location...the choir had to be moved, which actually was a pretty substantial hassle for them). The 3-year-old's graduation was yesterday morning...it's actually not a graduation, but more an end-of-the-year celebration, since they're technically not going anywhere & will all be returning next year...it was a really adorable way to end an otherwise stressful year filled with parent issues, poopy pants, and behavior struggles, which all, thankfully started to work themselves out with the proper diagnosis and assistance!

And then yesterday, I decided to email my nurse at the RE's office because I realized that since they hadn't bothered to tell us up-front that we would have to pay for the donor's meds out-of-pocket, or for our psych evaluations out-of-pocket (which had no real likelihood of ever being reimbursed by our insurance), they probably had some other things that they weren't telling us...boy was I right! ugh...I emailed the nurse under the assumption that the RE's office would be handling all charges for my donor's bloodwork and ultrasound, even via distance monitoring, due to the fact that it was for a study and they could simply handle the matter from one doctor's office insurance to another...I mean, since they hadn't given us an itemized list of costs & since we've never done a study cycle before and we OF COURSE have never done a donor cycle before, we would have no idea about any of this...especially since the doctor had told me at the original consultation that the only cost to us would be getting our donor tested, or about $2000. This is a cut and paste of my Q&A w/ the nurse...

Q: Hi - just another question about something I wanted to be clear on...my donor will be doing her monitoring for the IVF study at a clinic closer to her home (not sure exactly where yet - still working on that). I will NOT be billed for the distance monitoring since it is in connection with the study, correct? I just don't want to get blind-sided with a bill or anything after the fact, as it has never been stated that her monitoring must be done on-site in order to be covered under the study. Thanks!

A: I’m sorry, but you will not be reimbursed for monitoring done at another center. You would need to pay them directly for any services done there. We would only cover monitoring for your donor that is done at RMA. Let me know if you have any other questions.

Regards, Jill

Needless to say, I'm pretty nervous about what this means for us...if the office charged us what they actually charge the insurance company, we wouldn't really mind so much, but considering how steeply they inflate their prices for uninsured billing, added to the fact that B could need up to 10 u/s & b/w...well...I'm wondering how the RE thought that this could POSSIBLY be cheaper for us than just any other IVF cycle. If anyone has any insight on this, please, please, PLEASE throw it our way! Otherwise, just pray!

But, yes. Despite all of this, I do still have a strange sense of peace...you know, that "peace that passes understanding." Understandably, my human self wants to worry, but somehow I just know that all of this will fall into place...

And this little nesting mama dove that I discovered (aka almost watered) yesterday in my hanging planter on the porch is a reminder of that peace...

American Idol: FINALS!

I'm not going to do a song-by-song run-down this week, but I will do a "round winner" for each round...here goes

Round 1: Kris for sure! Ain't No Sunshine was excellent
Round 2: Adam hands down! I agree 100% with Simon's comments for Kris...and Adam OWNED his song!
Round 3: The song was more in Kris's style of music (which I don't think is fair to Adam & I've said that in years past when both contestants have to sing the same song), so this is a hard call. Both guys were pitchy & I just wasn't a real fan of the song. I'll pick Adam because I felt more emotion from his performance.

I liked Simon's comment at the end about the point of the show being to find a "worldwide star" & I definitely think that Adam fits that more so than Kris...I love Kris, don't get me wrong, but he isn't the kind of guy that I can see selling out concert arenas or anything like that. I just feel like Adam has more of the "star quality" and sustainability.

I think that Kris is going to win (based on the fact that most of Danny's votes will likely go to him), even though I'm all about Adam!! They'll both have albums out in a few months, though!

PS - Carrie Underwood is still my favorite Idol EVER!!

Ten things Tuesday (it's a long one!)

This has been a random week, so I figured I would post 10 snippets from the last 7 (or so) days...

1. I have fallen so far behind on my housework in the last two weeks or so. With all of the traveling that we've been doing, plus the business of school, plus cheerleading practices (for tryouts) started today, I've gotten absolutely NOTHING done!

2. Cheerleading practices started today for tryouts, which are next Saturday. I can't believe how sweet and talented some of the girls are, and then there's others who totally need to get over themselves in a BIG WAY!

3. Preschool graduation was last night for my 4-year-old class. They did a great job! They processed in to "Pomp & Circumstance" (which the parents loved) & then they sang two songs ("I'm a Graduate" and "I've Been Going to my Preschool") and then we presented them with their diplomas. For their gifts, we gave the kids tote bags, on which we stamped/painted a bee for each child in the class & wrote "So glad to 'bee' your friend!" The parents went nuts over them! They were filled with little gifts & things to do this summer!

4. Graduation is always bittersweet for me. On the one hand, I hate it because it is so stressful and there's so much preparation that goes into the program, which really only ends up lasting about 15 minutes (and then the reception, of course). But on the other hand, it is always nice to hear the positive feedback from parents to really know that you're making a difference for these kids...and I'll admit...I love getting little tokens of appreciation, too.

5. And I know, I know...it's the thought that counts, but I think I win the prize this year for the tackiest teacher gift (because to me, a tacky gift tells me that you think I'm a person that likes tacky stuff!). I got a lovely "decorative faux flower" arrangement...It doesn't sound so bad, right? Well...it just is...trust me on this one. Honestly, a card with a heart-felt message would have meant so much more than something that I think someone re-gifted to me...I'll be donating it to the theatre department at G's school, for props.

6. My parents came down this weekend and we set out to Home Depot on Saturday to buy some edging pavers for our landscaping, as well as some fencing for around my garden (in hopes of keeping out bunnies and such, of which I luckily haven't seen yet). After we came home, my dad showed G what to do for the landscaping & we got to work! I'll post some pics of the before/after, as well as my garden at the end of the post!

7. On Sunday, we left early to drive down to DC (I had never been there before) to see the Phillies play the Nationals. It was neat to see the Capitol Building and the Washington Monument, even if they were both in the distance. And it was, of course, great to see the Phillies win a game to sweep the Nationals in a 4-game series. It did, however, make for a really long day and we were both exhausted when we got home on Sunday night!

8. While we were on our way home from the Phillies game, we stopped at a rest stop. It was there that I learned that if you don't know how to speak our language, the only words you really need to know are "I'm sorry, so sorry" and it gives you a free pass to cut in front of other people in line! I could NOT believe the nerve of this woman...she walked right up the line past everyone in our group, looking at us saying "Sorry, so sorry...I was in line...my family...sorry, so sorry." As if, first of all, we had any idea what she was trying to say, and secondly that saying "sorry" gave her any right to cut in front of people who were patiently waiting their turn in line (and no, there were no members of her family or her group in front of us in line...apparently she HAD been in line & couldn't figure out what she wanted, so she got back out of line & just assumed that she could traipse back up to her original spot once she decided what she wanted!)

9. We're having insurance woes again. We spent over $600 out-of-pocket for our psychiatric evaluation (ours and with our donor), which we were told we could submit to our insurance ourselves (because they are separate billing from the doctor's office, they couldn't do it for us). Mind you, our doctor's office IS in network, so one would naturally assume that any services required through that doctor's office (even under different billing) would also be considered in-network. Fast forward to yesterday when I got a statement from the insurance saying that they received our reimbursement form, but they will only accept $180 of the charges made and it will be deducted from our $250 out-of-network deductible! We will never even meet the rest of the deductible, let alone go over that amount so we're basically screwed out of our money...I'm emailing the RE's insurance ppl tomorrow to see if they can get this straightened out for us, as psychiatric appointments when coded correctly (as ours was) ARE covered under our insurance...ugh, what a pain!

10. And finally, more news about our IVF study cycle. We found out last week that our donor tested positive for one strain of Cystic Fibrosis. G has already been tested for the basic strains of CF & came back negative, but with this new development, and the seriousness of the disease, we think it would be best to go ahead and get the full screening (optional at this point), which includes 90-some strains. The nurse didn't foresee any issues, though, nor did she seem worried that we would find anything from the full panel screening. We also found out last week that there was just no way possible that we would be able to get the IVF done before B left for her vacation to Hawaii in mid-June. That means that we will have to wait until mid July to start our IVF cycle up...and I'm trying, once again, to be patient!

Here are the pictures....
This is sort of what the "before" looked like (this is the right-side landscaping & we were working on the left)

And this is the "after"

And my cute little garden! I've got tomatoes, carrots, radishes, squash & lettuce (and some marigolds to keep the animals away!)

American Idol: Top 3

Judges Choice night!

1. Adam - Cryin' - I really loved Adam's version of this song. I thought he definitely did it justice (as Danny showed last week, Steven Tyler is tough to sing). I did NOT, however, like the back-up singing; it rang in my ears like nails on a chalkboard. I thought he shouted a bit throughout the middle (that's where I thought the backup vocals were competing with him), but overall, great performance!

2. Danny - Paula's Choice: Dance Little Sister - I don't know the original of this song, so I couldn't tell you if it is a copycat performance or if Danny made it his own, but I think that it suits the style of his voice very well. I thought the scatting/improv part was really jazzy in the middle, although I didn't like that the song's verses only seemed to center around a few notes. Good, solid, Danny-esque performance!

3. Danny - You Are So Beautiful - I really like how Danny changed up the song through the middle (respectfully, without mutilating a really beautiful song) & his voice matched Joe Cocker's really well...nice and soft! Danny's awesome!

4. Kris - Heartless - considering Kanye practically murdered his own song on idol several weeks ago, I would think that Kris could only improve upon it...I will say, however, that this doesn't really seem like his style of music, but I have heard an acapella version of this song by The Fray, so I am imagining that he will pick up the same vibe. I do like the guitar & he definitely sounds better than Kanye's digitized version. I love Kris but I think that his journey is ending tonight (no worries - off to bigger and better things!!)

5. Kris - Kara & Randy's Choice: Apologize - it's great to see him sitting at the piano. I think this style of song suits him perfectly & the range fits with his very well. It seemed a little pitchy here and there (but that could have been just because it was hard for us to hear the piano on our end). I think he sounds awesome & my only complaint is that maybe it sounded too much like the original.

6. Adam - Simon's Choice: One - The beginning of the song seems too slow, but I know that just means he's holding back a little. He did pick it up through the middle, but he verged on shouting at times. In general, I'm not a big U2 fan, so this song was just ok for me. I personally think this was one of his worst performances, even though I usually do root for team Adam!

I think that it could go either way between Danny & Kris, but I am guessing that Kris will go home tomorrow. However, if Kris sticks around, Adam probably has a better chance of beating Kris than he does of beating Danny.

Periods, Pills, Pregnancies, and Pity Parties

I'm always fascinated by the emotional stronghold that our lives' events seem to have over us at any given moment. For example, yesterday was a perfectly normal day & I was feeling pretty good about things. Everything is lining up for our IVF w/DE cycle & I'm thinking that "hey, yeah! I may actually get a chance at this mommy thing!" ...and THEN, I find out via FB that a friend of mine (who announced her FIRST pregnancy a couple of months after DH & I started trying for a baby almost FOUR YEARS AGO) just had her THIRD baby...yeah..as much as I love her (and I REALLY DO), Fertile Myrtles are the bane of my existence. I want to hate them. I guess sometimes I actually do...envy is probably a better word. I could never actually hate someone as sweet as her.

And then, a family friend posted her FB status as, "I wonder if little J will have a baby brother or a baby sister?" I hate PG announcements via facebook, unless they're my own or some other well-deserving infertile...I'm a jaded, insensitive, calloused, double-standard witch, huh? Hmmm, yeah, I know...but I guess I've earned my stripes.

And then we get the wonderful news today that if AF doesn't show up by the 12th (as in next Tuesday), then we will have to postpone our IVF w/ DE until July due to my donor going on vacation (no, I'm not upset about that at all, I'm not THAT horrible!) in mid-June, and the clinic being closed until July 1. Is it a huge deal to wait one month, especially after waiting four years? I guess not, but I'm thoroughly sick of being patient...which I think qualifies me as being thoroughly impatient, but I digress. Plus, I'm worried that if we wait until July, I will miss it then, as well, because I'm in my cousin's wedding on the 11th (hopefully, though, by then I will still be on the pill & they can have more control over everything).

Finally, there is the matter of the study. I had naively assumed that because we were taking part in a research study, that we would not be responsible for any costs associated with said study. The doctor had said previously that the only cost to us would be in getting our donor tested (about 2K or so). Imagine my surprise when I find out today that we are in fact responsible for some of the meds needed for the study. Lupron, Doxycycline & HCG are not covered under the study & donor meds are not covered under my insurance. Granted, none of those meds are crazy-expensive (around $400 total) and we don't have to pay for stims (thank GOD!)...and I know, in the grand scheme of a "free" $12000 procedure (or $25000 if you consider that this is a donor cycle), well, I shouldn't be complaining and fretting, but I hate being blind-sided by anything, most especially money matters.

So there you have it! My depressing post of the week! Please pray for AF to rear her BEAUTIFUL head soon (the nausea and irritability are a good sign, right?) so we can get this party started!

American Idol: Top 4

Tonight's theme: Rock & Roll

1. Adam - Whole Lotta Love - this style is definitely his genre (haven't I been saying he's like an Axl Rose??), even though he has done well with each new obstacle - and even though I do actually enjoy his scaled-back ballads, as well. He is absolutely meant to be a rocker. Theatrical, yes, but that's what being a performer is about (especially in the rock/metal genre). Hubby said that Kara must have been taking some Paula pills tonight - she was practically having an O in her chair.

2. Allison - Cry Baby - I'll preface this by saying that I am very anti-Janis Joplin, so hopefully she can make me like it - the good news is that I couldn't tell it was a JJ song anymore. I thought she sounded great and this was actually one of her better performances in my opinion, but still can't compete with the boys, IMO. She's definitely a rocker, as well.

3. Danny - Dream On - This is a really interesting/crazy song choice for Danny because he is SO NOT the rocker - I am a little scared about this one...ok, a LOT scared. I liked the soft & sweet part at the beginning (but it was a little pitchy)...is he going to scream it out like Steven Tyler???? Yes, he did...I think he just might get pulled through the wringer for that one. Definitely a tough song to sing & I'm not so sure he should have tried for the big finish, but if he's gonna go out, I guess go out with style...

4. Kris - Come Together - I love the Beatles & I think this is an ok song choice for Kris (despite the fact that he's not a "rocker" per se), but I'm worried that it isn't enough of a "musical" piece to really show what he can do. The song tends to hover over the same few notes. I think he sounded good & made the best of it. I really liked him playing the guitar. We commented that he doesn't seem like himself this week.

Duets
1. Adam & Allison - Slow Ride - great song for two great rockers! That was really great and they are absolutely veteran performers...the only thing I'll comment about is their outfits...I hate what Allison wears and Adam's pants make him look like he's in the circus!

2. Danny & Kris - Renegade - the harmonies were amazing!!! It's very obvious (looks-wise) that Danny is not a rocker, but his voice actually matched that song really well & I thought he actually did better than Kris who ended up being a bit pitchy in spots. Really nice performance!

Bottom 2: Allison & Kris! (but really anyone's guess!)!
Going Home: Allison

PS - please make sure you check out my other post from earlier today! Major prayers are needed!

Real life

It isn't often that I blog about real life...I mean real, honest-to-goodness, knock you flat on your butt life...like today.

I found out on Saturday that one of my students from my first kindergarten class (now in 6th grade) suddenly came down with bad flu symptoms last Tuesday. They couldn't pinpoint her problem, but by Saturday, they determined that she needed a liver transplant. Today, I found out that she is not doing well at all due to an infection that has spread. They cannot operate on her while she has the infection. She remains on full life support and the prognosis does not look good.

I am simply beside myself. She was such a sweet girl in kindergarten. She and her twin sister (both in my class) were so kind and helpful & always smiling. If she doesn't make it, she will be the second student from that same class to have passed away (the other was a boy 2 summers ago, who was killed in a car accident)...and that just isn't fair!

It just completely breaks my heart, yet there's nothing I can do but pray...so please, pray! Pass this on to anyone you know that is the praying type...or even if they aren't the praying type. Positive thoughts never hurt anyone.

Birthday: Part 2

Sorry for the delay! Without further ado, here is the second part of my birthday post!

On Thursday, I went to work as normal! I got a scrapbooking idea book & some scrapbooking scissors from my co-workers & then the kids sang happy birthday to me at lunch. My preschool girls also sang to me in the morning & one boy even found a little heart-shaped dude in my prize box, asked me what it said (Love You, Forever) and then promptly said, "oh, this is for you!" LOL Too cute.

As far as our appointments, things went really well aside from a couple of snafus...first, they had told B that her appointments would last from 9-9:30, 9:30-10:30, 10:30-11:30 & 1:30-3:30 & then we would meet up with them from 3:30-4:30 for the group psych eval. Apparently after her 9 Appt, they put her and C in a room around 9:30...over AN HOUR later, they still hadn't been seen & B went out to figure out what was going on...here, there was some mix up and she wasn't supposed to have an appointment then AT ALL...so she spent a friggin hour sitting there doing NOTHING with her husband and they could have at least been out reading magazines or something...

Then, they were at B's last appointment and they said something to the effect of "ok, so I think that's all until T & G get here at 2:30" and B stopped in her tracks because she knew that I was told & planning on 3:30. She called me & told me what they had said. Luckily, I was already at school with G, so we pawned his kids off (study hall) onto his co-teacher for the last couple of minutes before dismissal & we flew out of there, arriving just 20 minutes "late" for the time that they had us scheduled. When the psychiatrist found out what had happened to us, she pretty much said that she was going to have to beat someone out at the front desk...especially after what had happened to B earlier in the day!

So, we got in there for the meeting, she asked us a few questions, said that it was evident that we had really been communicating about everything (she also noted that we would be surprised how much people HADN'T talked about before that appointment & how they would sometimes be there for 2 hours hashing out details that no one had thought of, like what happens to unused embryos, how much contact/communication we will have, etc).

Before we left, I talked to B and she said that the nurse told her that that she could go on the pill as soon as we get the meds ordered up & we will be READY TO SYNCH UP! B said that the Dr. said that if we get it started ASAP, we could have retrieval done by JUNE 1st!!!!! I don't realistically think it will be THAT quick (I called about ordering meds, but the nurse I needed to talk to was out yesterday, so hopefully Monday), but if we don't get it started soon, we will have to wait until July because B&C are going to Hawaii, leaving June 15th!

So that's where we stand! I have an email in to the nurse to check on ordering the meds & then hopefully we can start up right away!

Oh yeah, and this is what I got for my birthday from MIL, FIL, SIL & BIL:

And this is what G is getting me:

Birthday: Part 1

My birthday is tomorrow (I don't want to admit how old I am because even though I am NOT OLD, this is definitely not where (in my life) I pictured myself being at this age...but let's just say that next year will be a big milestone) & DH surprised me by showing up today with a bouquet of roses!! Since we have our appointment with our donor & her husband (B & C) tomorrow at the RE, he figured that he wouldn't have time to get them for me then...but we are planning on going out to dinner after the appointment (with B & C if they have time to join us before heading back home to put their daughter to bed). Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well!

American Idol: Top 5

This week's theme: The Rat Pack era

1. Adam - I'm Feeling Good - Ok, I hate to sound like a broken record, but Adam is amazing! They were talking about swagger...ADAM has SWAGGER, baby! I know there's Adam haters out there, but wow...I can't get over what he does with that voice. Un.freakin.believable.

2. Matt - My Funny Valentine - This seems like it should be a great style & song for Matt. He definitely has that crooner-style voice (and look). I loved the control of the runs in the middle of the song & I loved when he started belting out the second half. That kid can SING and I am so, so, SO glad that they saved him (even if he doesn't win). I hope we see a lot more of him!

3. Kris - The Way You Look Tonight - I was kind of taken aback to see Kris in a suit since he's usually in his jeans & tee, but I liked the little bit of casual-ness that he threw in there by loosening his tie a little - I thought the song sounded great - nice & soft & he held back a little. He showed off his range & threw in little runs that were great & it just sounded so sincere. I will actually quote Paula when she said that he could be a "contemporary crooner", like a Michael Buble of sorts, but I also agree with Simon that it wasn't incredible.

4. Danny - Come Rain or Come Shine - Ok first off, Danny looks SMOKIN' tonight! I have to admit that I felt kind of disjointed from the song - I'm not sure if it is the phrasing or the timing of the song, but I didn't really enjoy the performance as much as all of the judges did. I thought he sounded great, but I just wasn't drawn in...but I guess I don't know as much as the judges do!!!!

5. Allison - Someone To Watch Over Me - I definitely think she looks great tonight (finally) & I love this song! I did it in high school at a voice recital! She puts me in mind of Eartha Kitt in this song (although I can admit that the only Eartha Kitt song I know is Santa Baby). This is probably my favorite performance of Allison's - I haven't been a fan in past weeks (even though I agree she can definitely sing), but this style really pushes her to sing instead of shout. She showed a lot of control in this song, but I agree with Simon that I think she's in jeopardy this week, simply because she has a hard time connecting emotionally with her audience.

Bottom 3 (despite great performances by all): Matt, Allison & Kris???

Going home: Allison (due to VFTW factor on Matt)

Wait!: Two songs!

I'm just about ready to wrap up my (forever-and-a-day long) series on waiting in times of struggle. I wanted to share the lyrics to two songs with you that have really touched me & spoken to me throughout this IF journey. Read them. Mull them over. Take them in. They give me goosebumps.

The first is a hymn written in 1752 by a woman named Katharina von Schlege...it just goes to show you that God's messages are timeless...

"Be Still My Soul"

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds shall know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

And this one is a bit less enduring, I'm sure, but meaningful nonetheless...it's "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus (I know, I know...it really is an amazing song).

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
cause

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Somebody's you're going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

American Idol: Top 7 (AGAIN!)

Disco week! I can't wait to see what they pull out of their hats this time around! I was kind of surprised that they saved Matt last week! I think he's awesome and has come so far in the competition, but I thought they would save the save for Adam, Danny or Kris, if need be.

1. Kris - She Works Hard For the Money - interesting song choice, but I totally love his acoustic arrangement...kind of like an MTV unplugged thing going on. Kris is really starting to put me in mind of a John Mayer & he's definitely growing on me more and more each week! What a cool, one-of-a-kind performance!
2. Danny - September - great choice for Danny, but I'm not a fan of the scruff going on on his face. I thought he did a great job and I thought this song was a lot of fun! And I agree with Kara, Danny never has pitch problems!
3. Adam - If I Can't Have You - Adam's back to his JoBro/Elvis look & I still can't decide if I like it or not - vocally, I was surprised to see Adam scale it back for disco week (because I think he could have gone really crazy with funky, falsetto, disco-esque stuff). He sounded amazing & he continues to make us expect the unexpected. Not my favorite performance, but still solid &, as always, unique!
4. Matt - Stayin Alive - I'm not so sure how the judges will feel about this song since it's SO cliche disco, but I thought it was a nice performance. I really liked when Matt went up into his falsetto, in true Bee Gees fashion. This was a surprising choice, but I thought he worked it out and really showed his stuff.
5. Allison - Hot Stuff - First of all, her outfit is only marginally better than it has been in the past weeks...she looks half cat-woman, half disco-ball (which I suppose is appropriate). I wasn't really a fan of this performance. Vocally, she sounded good (shouting at times), but I didn't like the arrangement...I didn't feel like there was much meat to it (but what was there, she made it sound great!)
6. Anoop - Dim All the Lights - Just an ok performance from Anoop. I thought he sounded good vocally but there was nothing outstanding in the song's arrangement that really drew me in. I liked that he was doing something softer instead of going "traditional" disco...and I don't like his scruff either.
7. Lil - I'm Every Woman - again, just OK - I felt like this style of music suited her more than any of the others, but I'm just not a fan. Pitchy & all over the place. Sorry, Lil. Your days are numbered. I hope you just saved Matt from his imminent death.

Bottom 3: Lil, Anoop, ???? (Matt)

Going Home: Lil (I hope) & Anoop

Menu Plan Monday!

Hopefully I can get it all together for another MPM this week! I have grilling in the menu this week as a tentative plan, but I'm not sure if the weather will cooperate!

Sunday - soft tacos
Monday - Family night w/ ILs
Tuesday - Chicken Enchiladas (new recipe to use up some soft taco shells & take advantage of the $1.69/lb chicken special)
Wednesday - Steaks (on the grill or broiler) & baked potatoes
Thursday - chicken caesar salads (sliced, grilled, marinated chicken & Rachael Ray's homemade no-egg caesar dressing)
Friday - homemade pizza
Saturday - your guess is as good as mine ;-)

It's a scary world out there

Teaching preschool 5 days a week, I will admit that I'm pretty sheltered from the crazy, scary place that we live in. True, I do see the school-aged daycare kids (through 6th grade) on a daily basis, and yes, I will admit that they are much more brazen that I ever was at that age (I think they're more brazen than I am even now - more on that in a second). But, the true dose of reality comes when I go to school functions with G from time-to-time. It never ceases to amaze me how kids are so ready to grow up so quickly, and how many parents allow (or in some cases seem to actually foster) that kind of behavior.

This past weekend's function was a 6th grade activity night. That means that for 2 hours, we were chaperoning a couple hundred tweens while they played putt-putt golf, basketball, volleyball, bingo, and dancing. I'm sure in your mind, you're turning the pages back to your middle school/junior high dances where the girls stood along one wall in a little circle and the boys dismally looked across at the girls, mustering up the courage to ask one of them to dance. Finally, when one of them did get the nerve to ask, their dancing was rigid and impersonal, at best, with the obligatory full arms-length between he and his partner.

Well NOT.ANY.MORE! I could NOT get over these kids! First of all, many of them walked through the door with a $20 bill in one pocket (for $.25-$1 snacks, mind you, their admittance had already been paid) and a cell-phone in the other...SIXTH GRADERS! The girls wore shorts so short, I was beginning to wonder if they had anything on underneath...really. And the dancing...oh gosh, the dancing.

Before I tell you about the dancing, I should first note that we have activity nights all throughout the year for the kids (usually 3-4 per year). The first two this year have been FINE where the dancing is concerned. The kids don't really know each other too well and they haven't been exposed to that kind of dancing...that is until they attend school-wide functions (we don't chaperone those) where they see the 7th and 8th graders dancing inappropriately (without any teachers telling them to stop...) and "learn" that it's ok.

Fast forward a couple of months to now...they know each other really well, some of them have become boyfriend/girlfriend and their hormones are raging (happens EVERY spring!) and the dancing starts to get out of control. At times during the dance, we discovered (when kids looked over their shoulders from within the circle to whisper *PSST! There's a teacher coming!*) that taller/bigger boys (many bigger than little old 5'0", 100lb me) would form a circle around a group of boys and girls so that they could dance inappropriately behind the human shield. I physically walked right through the middle of the circle and told them that they needed to spread out. Less than 20 minutes later, I had to tap a miniature womanizer on the shoulder to tell him "We don't dance like that here" as he was literally all over some girl from behind as he was dancing. It really disgusted me.

There were a couple of teachers there with me that either didn't see it or didn't say anything, but all I kept thinking was, if that were my innocent little daughter out there being danced on like that, I would hope that someone responsible would be willing to put a stop to it. Of course, I have a feeling that my daughter (if she's anything like me) would have been uncomfortable/terrified at that age if a boy danced on her like that. It really does scare me how society (read: parents) can encourage this type of behavior at such a young age. I don't know about you, but I know when my little one(s) finally come along, I will be trying to slow down the growing up process...not speed it up!

It's times like these when I think maybe I'm not cut out for parenting in the type of world that we live in. Maybe God made me infertile so that I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of watching a child grow up too fast. Or maybe God knows that I'm not strong enough to raise a child who won't give in to the pressures of today's culture. Or maybe it's just that God wanted to give G & I some extra time to really take in what it will mean to be good parents in today's day & age...I like to think it's the latter.

Wait: Lesson #5 (God's Timing is Perfect)

The last formal lesson in the wait series (I have a couple devotionals that I've written as well as some lyrics to some old hymns that I think are really relevant) is pretty short, sweet & to the point...although we don't always understand it or agree, there is a reason that we are where we are right now & God will continue to use our situations, troubles and struggles for His glory and in His time.

"Good people suffer many troubles, but the Lord saves them from them all." ~Psalm 34:19

• It is reassuring to know that we are not alone and our current struggles are certainly not meant to be viewed as punishment for past mistakes (although I will be the first to say that I am guilty of this mind-set...). There is no way to know WHY we are given these struggles, but the encouraging part is that our pain will not last forever. Someday, somehow, somewhere, the Lord will save us from our heartache.
  

"We know that in all things, God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

• What it basically comes down to is that without our struggles and troubles, we would have no need for God in our lives...sure, we would still probably thank Him daily for our blessings and go through the motions that "good Christians" do, but would we really be growing? In our church,we just finished up a bible study based on John Ortberg's "The Life You've Always Wanted." In one of the lessons, John mentioned how he once surveyed the members of his church and discovered (not surprisingly) that most of his churchgoers indicated that the greatest periods of spiritual growth in their lives happened during & immediately after times of hardship and great struggle! I know it doesn't make it any easier when you're right in the thick of it and down in the dumps, but hopefully we can take comfort in the fact that we continue to be God's work-in-progress.
  

Houston - we have a donor!

Ok, I've been keeping some of you in suspense if you're on my facebook list & I'm very sorry for that (if you're not my FB friend, email me and we can meet up!)...you may have noticed that my status yesterday was a bit (or a LOT) on the positive side...especially considering how anxious and pessimistic I've been lately. Well, it somehow seems that our luck may be turning and that things really just are finally starting to come together for us. Allow me to explain.

Yesterday was B (our potential donor)'s initial appointment at our RE's office for the basic screenings...b/w & u/s to check (among other things) her FSH levels (indicator of the quality of eggs) and her ovaries. We had some concerns that her egg quality could be compromised because she had severe endometriosis, starting as a teen. We were also concerned about how well her ovaries were functioning because B had a partial hysterectomy 5 or so years ago. Due to the procedure, blood flow to the area would be reduced, thus possibly damaging the ovaries and their ability to function properly. Well, wouldn't you know it...the doctor took a look in there and saw two beautiful ovaries with about 17 - yes SEVENTEEN!!! - beautiful eggs forming...and this is UN-STIMMED! Now of course, that doesn't mean that we would end up with 17 mature eggs upon retrieval or anything, but in perspective, the most I ever found at an ultrasound was 9 or 10 & I was floored by even that.

Not only did B's ovaries pull out all the stops yesterday, but the doctor's office called B in the afternoon to let her know that her levels are STELLAR and we are...wait for it...GOOD TO GO!

For our next steps, B & her hubby have to come back down on April 30th (my birthday!!!!) to have a psych evaluation with myself & G at the RE's office. Once that final step is done, the meds will be ordered and we will be on our way to starting our donor cycle! GOD IS SO GOOD...

American Idol: Top 7

Music from the movies...

Adam - Born to Be Wild - as I've come to expect with Adam, interesting song choice...I love when he breaks out into his metal band shriek. I thought it was a really cool performance and I'm once again floored by his talent...but I agree with Simon that it was a bit theatrical (that's Adam, though) and prior performances were a bit more original in the way that he changed them up.
Danny - Endless Love - Awesome song choice for Danny - I seriously had chills the whole way through this song. His tone just gets me everytime! LOVED.THAT.PERFORMANCE!
Anoop - Everything I Do, I Do it For You - as an aside, this is the first song I ever slow-danced to in 7th grade, so I have an emotional attachment to it - I hope Anoop doesn't disappoint...and he didn't - he gave me chills because he's so sincere and you really feel like he means what he's singing (or as Kara said, I felt so connected!). Awesome job, Anoop!
Kris - Falling Slowly - Kris sounded great, but I was a bit bored with the song...maybe because I wasn't familiar with it. I loved the falsetto. I think he would have made a good choice doing piano this week, but maybe it would have been too distracting for him to do both. Not my favorite of his performances.
Matt - To Really Love a Woman - I loved seeing Matt at the piano still & doing his little falsetto thing. He had some problems in the middle especially with the key change - he started to fall apart a bit. He just tried to do too much. I think this song was just a little too "soft" for him.
Allison - I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - after seeing her practice session w/ Quentin, I thought it was going to be a really good match for Allison, but I did NOT like this performance. I thought she was really pitchy, especially in the beginning, and definitely over-singing throughout. I wasn't impressed and I'm surprised the judges didn't hear that.
Lil - The Rose - this song choice makes me really nervous, as it's kind of a traditional voice-lesson recital song (meaning it's pretty easy and sticks to the same 4-5 notes throughout). I did not like how she tried to add runs, etc into the song. The problem with the song is that it its beauty is in its simplicity...doctoring it up ruins it, IMO...and again, she kept starting before the beat almost every phrase...drives.me.crazy.

Bottom 3: Allison, Lil, Anoop

Going Home: Lil

Another Menu Plan Monday (Tuesday)!

Better late than never...here's this week's MPM! Visit Organizing Junkie for more MPMs!

Monday - Chinese takeout w/ IL's
Tuesday - Garlic Cheddar Chicken
Wednesday - Cheeseburger Pie
Thursday - Italian pasta bake
Friday - pizza with DH's co-workers!

A few recipes for you...

Everyone out there has been quiet lately...if you see something you like, please comment and let me know!

Today, I wanted to share a couple of recipes with you that I made this week. The first is for a really awesome dish that I made for dinner and the second is a great dessert!

Creamy Bow Tie Pasta

The original recipe is meant to be a side dish, so I ended up doubling it and adding chicken. DH loved it so much that he cleared the bowl in no time (it really didn't make much), so next time, I will triple or quadruple it and maybe also add peas to it. So delicious!

Ingredients:

• 1 cup uncooked bow tie pasta
• 1-1/2 teaspoons butter
• 2-1/4 teaspoons Crisco® Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 1-1/2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
• Dash salt
• Dash dried basil
• Dash crushed red pepper flakes
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 2 tablespoons chicken broth
• 1 tablespoon water
• 2 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese
• 1 tablespoon sour cream

Directions:

Cook pasta according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, melt butter. Stir in the oil, flour, garlic and seasonings until blended. Gradually add the milk, broth and water. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until slightly thickened.
Remove from the heat; stir in cheese and sour cream. Drain pasta; toss with sauce. Yield: 2 servings.

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Lemon Bars

I'm making these for Easter to take to SIL's house, but I also made them on Tuesday night for our weekly bible study treat. I'm not much of a baker & DH has a real sweet tooth, so once he saw them, he ended up eating 2 before bible study, 2 during & 1 in his lunch the next day...I had to take the rest to work to prevent him from eating the whole pan! They aren't exactly good for you, but very yummy and just the right amount of lemon!

Ingredients:

Crust -
2 c flour
1/2 c powdered sugar
1 cup butter/margarine (softened, but not melted)

1. Sift the flour & powdered sugar together & then mix in the butter with your fingers. I tried to lighten it up A LITTLE by just using 1.5 sticks of butter instead of the full 2 sticks & I think it worked just fine...maybe a little crumbier
2. Press the mixture into the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish
3. Bake the crust in a preheated 350* oven for 20 minutes

Lemon Filling/Topping -
4 eggs
2 c granulated sugar
1 t baking powder
1/3 c lemon juice (I used fresh, which was about 1 whole lemon)
dash of salt

1. Beat all of the above ingredients together & pour over the baked crust.
2. Bake for 20-25 minutes until it is set (it will still be a bit jiggly, but you will notice that it is not watery and TOO oozy. Mine took about 23 minutes)
3. Cool the pan on a wire rack & then dust with powdered sugar
4. Cut into bars & enjoy!

American Idol: Top 8

Here we go with American Idol's top 8 contestants: songs from their birth year (I think this is always my favorite because it allows them to choose any genre!) I loved the pics of the judges - I think Simon was dressed up like someone from Devo!

Allison - I Can't Make You Love Me - Great song choice, although it's hard for me to compare because Carrie Underwood also did this song & she's my favorite idol ever. I thought Allison sounded great & definitely redeemed herself from last week's No Doubt performance...although her wardrobe still has me trying to figure things out...I'm not a fan of the high heels, half-grunge, half-leather, ruffly skirt trend...if there is such a thing.
Matt - Part Time Lovers - I love the funked-out version of Stevie's song & he looks hottt...but slowing it down took some of the sense of urgency out of the original song that made you want to move along to it, so that made it not as good to me as it could be. But Matt is BAAACK!
Adam - Mad World - Ok, so I missed this because Idol ran long and I was watching it on Tivo, which didn't record it, but I went back on youtube to find it (click my link). I didn't really love the song, even though it was musically great...what I do love however is that Adam always keeps you guessing & I think that's really important in music today...unless, of course, you are Britney Spears and you don't mind that all of your songs sound exactly the same. And hey...he got a standing ovation from Simon, so my words don't really matter anyway!
Danny (I love how Danny's the oldest and he's only 6 days older than me...greeeeaaat) - Stand By Me - As always, Danny had great tone in his voice (I think the song was a perfect match to his style, range, and ability) & I really liked how he changed things up.
Anoop - way to be a big man and apologize, Anoop! - True Colors - interesting song choice (in a good way!), and the arrangement was nice. There was nothing super flashy about it but it was soft & sweet and just nice to listen to. Way to go, Anoop!
Kris - All She Wants to do is Dance - interesting song choice; the arrangement definitely made it different, but it was kind of confusing to me...Kris is my favorite (even though I love Adam and think he will win), but this just didn't do it for me. I just didn't "get it."
Lil - What's Love Got to do with It? - for probably the 3rd or 4th week in a row, I felt like Lil was behind tempo a bit & trying to drag it out...The song was just OK. It seemed kind of "flat" compared to Tina Turner's version of the song...She sounded like she was getting very tired by the end of the song...it amazes me that Lil has never been in the bottom 3 thus far because she just hasn't been impressing me lately and I don't think that she has been listening to what the judges have been telling her each week (even though she says she has).
Scott - The Search is Over - I thought the song was really soft & sweet at the beginning, but once he started in with the guitar (which I thought I would like), it seemed more like a kid in his garage, playing along to the radio. He started to fall off pitch and basically just fell apart.

Bottom 3 this week: Scott, Lil & Anoop
Going home: Scott, even though he is being promoted now on VFTW

Wait: Lesson #4 (Reliquish it to God)

Today's lesson is the 4th in a 5-part series on waiting through tough times, based on a speech my friend Kelli gave. I've added a couple of my own lessons throughout! If this is your first time here, please check out the older posts & don't forget to let me know what your thoughts are!

"My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me! Yet not what I want, but what you want." ~Matthew 26:39

• I love the redundancy of this verse & how much it rings true to human nature. I mean, how often do we say, 'Lord, please give me x, y, & z....but only if it is your will.' And we all know that in our heads and hearts, we're screaming..."PLEASE! Let it be your will!" as though our pitiful pleadings could really sway the divine plan. The purpose of this verse, however, is not to give reassurance that God will take your pain away (hear me out on this one...), but rather that He can't take it away until you've really let go of the pain and fully thrust it all into God's hands...which, I know, is hard to do...especially in things like infertility where you already have so little control. You're almost begging for one tiny thread of something that you can claim ownership to, but that is what we are called to do.
  

"Father,' he said, 'if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.' And an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him." ~Luke 22:42-43

• Although we're not literally seeing angels from heaven in our times of struggle (although DH thinks that Becki, our egg donor, is some form of an angel), I do believe that God sends people into our lives (at just the right time!) to help us through the hurt and pain. That person may be a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a new friend at a support group, a pastor, bloggy buddies, or message board friends who live thousands of miles away! The important thing to remember is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is always someone out there who has been where you've been and understands your pain.

"But I will bless the person who puts his trust in me. He is like a tree growing near a stream and sending out roots to the water. It is not afraid when hot weather comes, because its leaves stay green; it has no worries when there is no rain; it keeps on bearing fruit." ~Jeremiah 17:7-8

• Honestly, for me, this step (Relinquish it to God) is the hardest for me to accept/enact. In reality, of course, it makes perfect sense: Take your mess of a life, package the meager remains up & give them to God to work his magic on. But it is so much easier said than done. In your head, you're crying out, "But God, I am a Christian woman and I feel like I've been handing this whole situation over to you all along through my daily prayers, my devotions, my confessions, my ministries, my worship!," but I also think that the more time you spend in prayer and in communion with God, the more you realize all that you've been clinging to...like that tree by the stream, the closer it is to the water, the less it worries about the dangers of the hot weather. Similarly, the closer we are to God, the less we worry about the outcome of life's disasters.

"To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see." ~Hebrews 11:1

• I can be sure that I'll be a mommy someday (somehow, some way); I am certain that the Lord is always close by, especially when we are hurting. Reach out to Him today!
  

Product Review: Glade Sense & Spray

I've been a member of an online community called BzzAgent for about a year now. Through BzzAgent, I am periodically surveyed and matched up with new products for which the manufacturers are looking for consumers to try out and create a "buzz" about. My most recent product to test is the Glade Sense & Spray motion-activated room freshener.

I was really excited to try this out because we're always looking for a new air freshener. I thought the unit was attractive enough without being overly noticeable. The scent that they sent to us was Clean Linen, which would not have been my first choice (as I tend to like the fruitier/sweeter/spicier smells), but I like it well enough...and I guess since we are using ours in the bathroom, it would make more sense to have a clean type of fragrance there anyway.

After testing the product for 2-3 weeks, I can definitely say that we would recommend this product to others. We love the small doses of fragrance that are released & the fact that it is motion-activated is pretty cool. My only complaint about the sensor is that, depending on your lighting (and the time of day), it doesn't always work properly. For example, I was taking a nap in the middle of the day the other day & when I got up, I noticed that the Sense & Spray light was on, meaning that it had released its scent within the past 30 minutes. I was the only one home, so it was obvious that there was no motion in front of the unit in the past 30 minutes. The only explanation that I could come up with was that the lighting outside had changed & caused the bathroom door to cast a shadow on the unit, triggering it. Conversely, there are mornings when I will get up (still dark outside) and I turn on the bathroom light, walking directly in front of the unit, and it still will not go off.

Other than those couple of bugs, though, I can say we are extremely pleased with this product & will most definitely buy refills when our Clean Linen runs out.

PS - if you are interested in becoming a product-tester for BzzAgent, you can check out their site, or send me an email and I will send you a referral!

American Idol: Top 9

I ended up doing pretty well with last week's predictions (two out of the bottom three, and who went home). Let's check out the top 9...

Kris - Ain't No Sunshine - I love how multi-instrumental so many of the contestants are this year. The beginning of that song gave me CHILLS and he's such a cutie. The thing I think I like the most about Kris is that he is just himself - he doesn't need flashy clothes or guyliner. He wears a tee and jeans & makes it all about the music. Nice, solid performance.
Danny - Rascal Flatts - soft & sensitive. I could really feel the emotion coming through in his voice & he seemed so sincere. I love the "gravel-ly" tone of his voice, which I think sounds like Michael Bolton a little bit (even though I'm not a big MB fan or anything). Well done! (yeah, Simon!!!)
Adam - Wild Cherry - Rock it out, Adam! The things he does with his voice are just amazing & I like the changes that he made in the verses of the song. I love the young Elvis look that he's keeping. He's a total rock star! I love that he's humble & knows what works for him.
Scott - Billy Joel - Great song/voice match for Scott, but he's definitely not Billy...I like the new hair. Definitely his best performance from the recent weeks, with the most emotion, but I still think he's in danger. PS - Paula, again, what are you SAYING? I swear, she researches all of these musical terms to try to incorporate them into her critique, regardless of whether or not she knows how to use them appropriately.
Allison - No Doubt - Gwen Stefani is a good voice match with Allison, but I had to laugh when she said "I grew up listening to this song" like Don't Speak is such a classic or something (plus it made me feel old! LOL). Her outfit & hair are horrible, IMO (Amen, Randy!). I thought the song was OK, but I felt like there are so many songs that are both more musical & more lyrical than this one. I mean, her voice sounded good, but I think there are so many songs where should could have sounded GREAT.
Lil - Celine Dion - I'm nervous about this one - you really have to have the pipes to sing Celine. Again, I feel like she's lagging behind the music a bit, almost like she's trying to get the musicians to slow down. This was definitely one of her better performances, although it was a bit pitchy throughout the middle (especially around the key changes). I felt like she was "sliding up" to too many of the notes (not really as effortless as Kara made it sound, IMO). I loved how her little girl hugged Randy, though :)
Matt - The Fray - The beginning was very pitchy for me (dawg). You can definitely tell this isn't the style of music for Matt, but I didn't think that it was terrible. I didn't like his set-up with him out in the middle of the mini stage, surrounded by "fans" - it made him seem like less of a big star & more of a club singer, which is NOT what he needs, especially after (wrongly) being in the bottom 3 last week. Definitely not one of his best performances.
Anoop - he did an Usher song, which I wasn't familiar with. I felt like I couldn't understand a lot of the words, and in general, it was just ok. PS - don't talk back to the judges. PSS - Paula, WTH are you saying? I am so confused.
Megan - Bob Marley/Lauryn Hill - I never heard this song either (which is odd since I do listen to popular music). She sounds like some popular singer, but I can't put my finger on who...Sara Bareilles maybe? I thought the song sounded good & was a good choice for her, but it was just one-dimensional to me...there wasn't much "meat" to it. PS - I love how Simon was making faces at Paula's vision of Megan sitting on a stool...nonetheless, I thought they were hard on her (but still not enough to make her safe this week)***EDITED TO ADD...I figured out who her voice reminds me of...Nelly Furtado!

Bottom 3: Megan, Scott & Anoop (regardless of the quality of their performance)
Going Home: Scott