Little update

Just thought I would pop in with a little update. I went for my RPL screening yesterday after work. I got there & sat down and got an eyeful of all the vials that the phlebotomist needed to fill for me. After what I thought was a few vials, I told her that I was feeling really dizzy. Before I knew it, I heard the phlebotomist calling for help, there were smelling salts under my nose, a straw with apple juice being shoved in my mouth, an ice pack on my head & and four nurses/phlebotomists/office workers surrounding me! The doctor came in and told me that I was even paler than normal (which is about as ghostly as they come!).

The worst part was, they hadn't finished before I had passed out and I had to go lie down for the other three vials from the other arm! When all was said and done, I had given 13 vials and definitely discovered the hard way why people of my stature are not allowed to donate blood!

Results should be in in about a week...

Where do we go from here?

I officially started miscarrying last night. How do you pick up and move on when the one true shot you ever thought you had at being a mother is literally going down the toilet?

How do I keep going through the motions this week knowing full well that if I peed on a pregnancy test, "Pregnant" would still pop up before my eyes in a matter of seconds?

How do you get on with the rest of your life?

How do you have hope for the future?

How can you go on believing that there really is a God and that your life has any significance to Him when life's events blatantly point out that He could care less?

How could a God who supposedly loves us so much sit by and watch our hearts being broken and simply call it part of "His plan"?

How will I ever believe again that there is power in prayer when we literally had hundreds of people praying for us each and every step of the way, and for what? Breathing the ceremonial sigh of relief only to have the rug swiftly pulled out from under us.

How can I have faith that our last chance at ever becoming biological parents (at least for one of us) will actually work?

How long will it take for me to get through a day without crying and thinking about what could have been, what should have been?

Why do I get no comfort in knowing that I now have TWO angel-babies in heaven instead of here with me?

It's all over...

It's all over...u/s today confirmed the "mass" was the same size or smaller than what they saw three days ago. And our other m/c was exactly two years ago yesterday. I just have no words anymore.