Ahh the memories

***make sure you read below for my Works-for-me-Wednesday post about fun Easter activities to do with kids!!***
A blogging friend of mine gave me the inspiration for today's post. She wrote about how different sensory elements can trigger memories for you...this caused me to reminisce about the "old days" and good times from back in my youth (because, you know, I'm old now...well, at least my eggs are, but that's a different story from a different post).

I got really emotional as I was thinking of these songs and remembering how much fun I had in my middle & high school years. I was definitely NOT one of those people who sees those years as the toughest in her life and would never go back. If I could take my hubby with me, I would go back to high school in a heartbeat...oh how wonderful it must have been that my biggest worry was who I would be going to the prom with and what grade I would get on the next test...I had awesome friends (ok, so I am not friends with MOST of them now, but we just drifted apart...we really were a great support system back then), and I was so involved in school activities, and I had so much confidence in my abilities. Back then, I LOVED being busy and always having something to do...my how things change...now I love being lazy and having nothing to do...I wish I could regain that energy and get-up-and-go that I had back then!

So without further ado, here are the songs that take me back...

1. Everything I Do, I Do it For You (Bryan Adams) - this takes me back to the 7th grade Spring Dance where I danced my first-ever slow dance with my "boyfriend." Kids...this was before the days of texting and IM that middle-school boyfriends and girlfriends use these days, so when I say that we were going out, it really just meant that we would stand around and hold hands at the recess period at school when the teachers weren't watching...ooh, we were rebels. I remember that I went to his birthday party at the Country Club pool...and I gave him a Barney balloon...because, you know, nothing says "we'll be together forever" like a big, purple dinosaur. Nevermind the fact that he later broke up with me on our monumental 1-month anniversary by telling one of my friends that he wanted to break up with me. I guess he didn't like Barney.

2. Achy-Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus) - oh yes...this song makes me think of my 13th birthday party. You see, my Dad played in rock cover-bands all through my childhood. It was mostly what we would now consider Classic Rock (.38 Special, Lynard Skynard, Bob Seger), but sometimes they would get so many requests for particular songs out at the clubs where they played that they would eventually give in and learn them. Achy-Breaky is one such song. I wanted to have a major party for my 13th birthday, but we didn't really have a lot of money, so I asked my Dad's band if they would play in our driveway (they always practiced in the garage anyway) and we would pay them in pizza. The result was an awesome party with all of my middle-school friends and extended family dancing in our driveway. There are pictures of my friends and I line-dancing to Achy-Breaky Heart...but thank goodness, I don't have them to show you!

3. Loser (Beck), Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), California Love (2Pac & Dr.Dre), 1, 2, 3, 4 (Coolio) and many more - they make me think of high school post-football game dances. I looked forward to home football games just for the dances...and since I was a rebel, I even snuck into one the year after I graduated...for the record, it's not nearly as much fun after you've graduated.

4. What a Feeling (Irene Cara) - makes me think of high school show choir when I danced & sang this song with one of my best guy friends…and then we did a repeat performance at the prom & had a whole crowd gathered around us cheering…I think they thought we did this spontaneously, but what they don't know won't hurt them!I will definitely be adding more as I think of them...I love to reminisce!

By the way, if you know me, you're on the other end of your computer laughing at the references to me being a rebel...I was anything BUT a rebel, but since none of you know me very well, I can lead you to believe whatever I want!!! Ha!

Works for Me Wednesday - Easter!

Hey everyone & HAPPY EASTER! I thought I would quickly share with all of you some Easter activities that I use with my preschoolers that I thought you may want to try at home with your own children. I teach at a Christian preschool, so pretty much anything is fair-game! Have some fun with your little-ones!

1. Easter egg alphabet match - take a Sharpie (or your favorite permanent marker brand of choice!) and write an upper-case letter on one half of a plastic easter egg & the corresponding lower-case letter on the other half. Put all of the egg-halves in an easter basket or bucket and have your kids match them up with the correct letter, identifying it as matches are made. If you decide to mark eggs for all 26 letters of the alphabet, you can put them in ABC order when you are all done! Store them in a basket to play again and again!

2. What's inside the Easter egg? - Using the same Easter eggs that you marked above, search your house for small objects to correspond with each letter. Put the objects inside the eggs, then have your child shake the egg & guess what could be inside. After they've guessed, they can look inside and see if they were correct. When my preschoolers do this activity, once they open the egg, then I will repeat the letter, the letter sound & the name of the object so they can hear the correspondence (c, /c/, cotton ball). Objects that I use (don't let the super-little ones use this game!!): ball, balloon, button, cotton, elephant eraser, frog key chain, gumball, heart, key, money, marble, paper pieces, Polly Pocket, ring, smile sticker, star, tea bag, whistle, white crayon, zebra toy.

3. I do all sorts of Jellybean activities. We read "Too Many Jellybeans" and then do various jellybean activities. I gave each child a bag of jellybeans (this one wasn't for eating) in their Easter baskets, along with a printout of the Jellybean Prayer. We talked about each color and its significance for us as children of God. I then gave each child a second bag of jellybeans to use for our Jellybean Math activities. First the children sorted the jellybeans by color, by placing one into each square of this graph (I colored the bottom so that they would know which color went where). Then, using the corresponding color of crayon, the children colored under each jellybean that he/she placed on the graph. When they finished, they read me the results of their graphs, telling me which had the most, the least & which ones were tied. My kids are awesome at graphing (they're FOUR!!). After that activity, we also did jellybean addition, which also went great! Using this page (which, again, I pre-colored for them since we were short on time), the children again sorted their jellybeans by color. When they were finished sorting, the children were instructed to count how many jellybeans were in each rectangle and write the corresponding number in the box. They were to then "scoot" the jellybeans over to the right-side of each row & again count the total & write the number. This was a little more difficult than the graphing, but they still really enjoyed it...and then I FINALLY let them eat the jellybeans, which they were begging for me to do for pretty much the entire time.

4. Finally, I also wanted to make Empty Tomb cookies with my kids, but there was just no time this year since our last day before Easter break was Monday, which also happened to be St. Patrick's day...

Enjoy & have a Blessed Easter!

American Idol - Top 11

I will be perfectly honest...I was NOT happy to hear that they were doing Beatles week again. I LOVE the Beatles, as I mentioned last week, but I don't love when other people try to sing the Beatles. It has been proven two weeks running now that it just.doesn't.work...so please, AI producers...stop torturing us!

So, here is how I sized them up this week:

1. David Archuleta - He's cute! He's sweet! and He's back! Yay! David had an awesome performance tonight and I was so excited that the judges agreed!
2. David Cook - I thought Simon was very hard on him. I do agree that he is somewhat falling into the trap of being predictable, but that's only because he is following their instructions of working the songs into his own "niche" and making them his own...so they do tend to have a similarity to them to that extent...but I otherwise thought he was great!
3. Syesha - I was so excited that she did well tonight because it definitely isn't her time to go home yet. She had been falling into the forgettable category, so I hope this rescues her from that! She sounded (and looked) great!
4. Jason - He's just so cute and sweet and I love that he's willing to take a risk (singing in French!) and try something new! I loved his pre-song interview, too ("I just learned that ma belle is French - I thought it was English - you know, my bell")
5. Carly - I wasn't familiar with her song, but I thought she did a good job. She sounded nice & it was good to see her versatility (you know, not always rocking it out). I agree with Simon that it was a bit dark and gloomy, but I don't really have much to say since I don't know the song, so therefore have no comparison point.
6. Michael - I said it last week & I'll say it again - I think he's becoming forgettable. His vocals are always good, but he never does anything to make me remember him.
7. Brooke - not one of her best weeks - she looked & sounded good & the song fits the style of her voice, but it was kind of safe and didn't really have any elements to showcase what she can do...which I think she knew since she admitted how nervous she was about doing a Beatles week again.
8. Amanda - Does she sing with cotton in her mouth? I honestly couldn't understand a word of the song up until "Back in the USSR" - and I thought that I knew the words to the song! I actually preferred this to some of her previous performances, though.
9. Kristy - I thought she looked really pretty, but seemed disinterested & bored with her song choice...and I realize that these are young'uns and didn't grow up anywhere near the time period of the Beatles, however, neither did I - and I still know their songs! It just doesn't make her look too good to admit that she's really not familiar with the Beatles (side note: I hate how as the years go by, all of the AI contestants are slowly becoming younger than me...someone! Tell me I'm not old!!)
10. Chickezie - I wasn't really in love with his song this week. I thought he could have done so much better, but I do agree that he is showing another facet of his repetoire. His voice kind of sounded like Darius Rucker from Hootie & the Blowfish tonight, didn't it?
11. Ramiele - bad, bad song choice...she did add in a few nice elements towards the end & I started to get somewhat interested, but by then, the song was already over.

Predictions for the bottom 3: Chickezie, Ramiele & Kristy

Any of the above 3 could go home, but if I had to pick, I would say Kristy, simply because she still hasn't had a single week that has wow-ed anyone.

Tackle-it Tuesday

Today is my first-ever post for tackle-it Tuesday...I know I'm a little late hopping in today, but I wanted to write about the things I've been tackling...and then ask your help on something new that I want to tackle!

Today, I tackled a variety of tasks around the house. I dethroned the enormous pile of laundry sitting in the corner of our bedroom (actually it was about 3 loads, but it looked huge) and I had the oh-so-fun task of packing for our 5 day trip up to my parents' house...which wouldn't be so bad except for the universal fact that when men get married, they somehow "forget" how to pack a suitcase. Seriously, every time I ask DH to pack, I end up doing it myself anyway because he says he doesn't know what he will need, or where we will be going, or what the weather will be like. Usually, I pick out the clothes, lay them out on the bed for his approval & then put them in the suitcase...and then always end up forgetting something anyway...so that took me about half an hour today once all was said and done and I'm sure there'll still be things that we've forgotten. Such is life!

Another thing that I would like to tackle is creating a food blog to help me organize my recipes (using the label feature). The problem is, I'm having a hard time coming up with a name for it...please comment to let me know if you have any suggestions!!

Menu Plan Monday

Hey everyone! Welcome back to another edition of MPM! Last week's menu-planning, as expected, was not too successful due to DH's sister being home for spring break. I really did have a meal planned for everyday, but we ended up going over to his parents' house for practically every meal. Monday was tacos at IL's house, Tuesday was a super-yummy chicken & rice bake at home (the 1st time we tried! DH looooved it!), Wednesday was meatloaf (not a favorite of mine) also at IL's house, Thursday, we were supposed to go to Carabba's for MIL's b-day, but we ended up having chicken/ham rollups in mushroom gravy at IL's house, and Friday was pierogies & onions. So we actually stuck to the plan for 2 days.

This will be a short week at home for us, due to the Easter holiday, so there shouldn't be any problem sticking to the schedule this week!
Monday - Colorful Hamburger Rice (bumped from last week) ***UPDATE - this was a great & healthy recipe, but definitely needed more seasonings. I really sprinkled on a lot of parmesan & stirred it in & also added extra salt before serving it! We'll definitely have this one again!!***
Tuesday - Brown Sugar chicken (new, Crock-pot recipe!) ***UPDATE - we had this tonight & DH really liked it...I, on the other hand (the non-picky one), didn't really like it and thought that it was too sweet & that the chicken got too dried out. It kind of tasted like a pulled-pork/pork barbeque kind of dish. It could be my fault that it got too dry, though, because I slept in a little late this morning, therefore I didn't get the meat in the crockpot as soon as I wanted to, so I didn't think it would be done in time for DH since he had to eat and run tonight. I put it on high for 2 hours & then knocked it down to low...maybe we'll try this one again later.***
Wednesday - leaving for my parents' house - dinner on the road
Thursday, Friday, Saturday - will all be at my parents' house
Sunday - Easter dinner at my Grandmother's house - ham, mashed potatoes, noodles & the works! Everyone takes a side & a dessert! I'm making Macaroni & Cheese and Apple Dumplings!

See all you MPM-ers next Monday - Have a Blessed Easter!

Baby Shower...ugh

I believe that today may go down in history as one of the darker days of our TTC journey...all because of a baby shower, the bane of my existence these days. Due to my overwhelming need for even an ounce of self-preservation, I haven't attended a baby shower since we've started TTC (although I would have during that first year, when I didn't know we were actually dealing with infertility, if I had been invited) and I swore that I wouldn't until I was pg with my own. I didn't even attend the shower of one of my best friends, who just had her baby 2 days ago. Thank God she's a great friend and understood. But I suppose there are things that just can't be avoided sometimes...like when your husband's brother & his wife are expecting. The only saving grace of the day is that they live on the other side of the country & therefore cannot take a bunch of stuff back with them on the plane, so everyone in the family is going in on their crib and bedding ($600-something bedding, mind you!!!!!). That means that I won't have to sit through everyone ooh-ing and aah-ing over all those cute little baby things that I wish I were opening instead of SIL. Another positive aspect of the day is that it is being played up more as a St. Patrick's Day party (it's for couples, not just women) than a baby shower, so with the exception of a couple balloons & a cake with a stork on them, I won't be drowning in a sea of baby-themed stuff.

...but I'm still not looking forward to going. I know it sounds so terrible and selfish because when the time comes for me to be having a baby shower, I will want people to be as happy and as excited as we will be...but at the same time, I don't ever want someone to think that they have to temporarily mask the pain and grief that they're feeling out of social obligation to a stupid party...why does it have to come down to a shower? Why is it OK for people to assume that just because I don't want to attend their shower, that I'm not happy for them. I AM happy for them. But you know what? I'm not happy about my own situation and seeing someone else's rightful joy, a joy that I long for and know that I may never experience, is purely a form of torture. I have no problem going out to lunch with the mommy-to-be, or going for a visit after the baby is born, but a day that's all about "mommy, mommy, mommy" and "baby, baby, baby" only serves as a reminder that the only purpose I thought I held in this life may never be fulfilled. And that just sucks.

Ultimate Blog Party

***This is a sticky, so please scroll down to see my posts this week!***
Hey everyone! Check out the ultimate blog party at 5 Minutes for Mom! It's a great way to get to know others...

If you are here as part of the blog party, thanks for stopping by & I hope you'll browse around if you see something that interests you. I love "meeting" new people!

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Teri & I am 27 years old. My husband, Gregg & I have been married for just over 3.5 years. We are both teachers. I currently teach preschool after teaching Kindergarten for a while...I love that age group. We love kids & God, camping with my family, vacationing in Disney & at the shore with his family, playing with our kitty Faithy and bowling together on the wii. I also love to cook & scrapbook in my free time. We've been trying for a baby for 2.5 years and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure in my whole life. The daily ups and downs are rough - but thank goodness we've got God, friends & family to help us through. We've done 6 artificial inseminations & we've attempted IVF twice, but never made it the whole way through the process, so hopefully our time is coming soon. We're in the process of starting up treatments to do in-vitro again in April-May.

So, in other words, I'm not a mommy, so I hope it's ok that I participate in this blog party! It seems like a lot of fun! God Bless!

PS - I would love to win any of the awesome mommy/baby giveaways (do I have to choose just one?), but my favorite prizes that they're giving away over at the blog party are:
4, 5, 11, 12, 13, 14, 22, 26, 28, 30, 37, 42, 83, 84 & 101...I told you I couldn't just choose one...really, I would love any of them!

I guess my favorite 3 would be:
101 - the woman's devotional bible
37 - the Moby Wrap
84 - a baby sling

Thanks again for stopping by! I'll leave you w/ a pic of hubby & me at a friend's wedding! We were having a great time partying it up! :)

Friday Fluff

I love having the "themes" to guide my blog posts, so when I found "Friday Fluff" over at Praise & Coffee, I thought it was perfect for me! It's great for those days when you don't want to talk about anything too serious! Today's Friday Fluff is about my own little (ok, not so little) fluff-ball, my kitty cat! Her given name is Faith Trouble S. - that was so when she did something bad and I told her she was in trouble, she could say, "Trouble??? My middle NAME is Trouble, Sistah!" or something like that...who knows what goes through a cat's head when we're talking to them...

Here is a picture of Faith when we first got her back in September of 2003. This is when I still lived with my parents. She was a gift from Gregg (we weren't married yet) because my cat at my parents' house, Lady, had just been hit by a car.
That's a really old picture...she was probably about 1 or 2 pounds there...now, she's not so little. Actually, she's quite large. 17.5 pounds worth of largeness. DH calls her a fat cat, but I call her my plus-size kitty because I don't want her to get a bad self-image. Cats care about stuff like that, you know...here is a "now" picture of the Faith-meister.
Haha - just kidding! That's a tiger at the Animal Kingdom in DisneyWorld. HERE is really a picture of my kitty.
And in case one name isn't enough for 17.5 pounds of kitty, I make up nicknames for her whenever the mood strikes me. Here are my kitty's other aliases:
Faith, Faithy, Faithy-baby, Faithy-girl, Faithy-kins, Faith-meister, Faither, Faither-doo, and (my personal favorite) Faitherdoodle.

In general, she's just your run-of-the-mill, finicky, neurotic housecat. She doesn't pay any attention to people food, unless you get out a bag of lettuce. I kid you not. A fat cat that loves to eat lettuce. She will actually jump up on the counter when I'm making a salad and "help" me by sticking her paw in the bag (if I'm using pre-cut that day) to steal some to eat (and no, I don't "allow" her to get on the counters, but have you ever tried to discipline a cat before??). Also, she hates people (except hubby and myself, of course). In fact, she'll be gone in a flash if you ring our doorbell. If you turn the key in the door, she'll peer around the corner at the top of our foyer steps to see if it is one of us. If not, you get the "meow - HISSSS" greeting before she runs up the stairs and under one of the beds. The other funny thing about Faithy is that she has a cat-door that leads down to our basement where her litter box is. The only problem is that she barely makes it through the hole anymore...I swear one of these days, she's going to find herself stuck halfway through the hole...and I'm going to be left with a mess on my foyer floor to clean up because she can't make it down to the litter box anymore...she's on a diet, I swear!

Before closing, I'll leave you with one last picture that describes my little Faithy-kins to a tee...here she is doing what she does best...being cute!

Thursday Thirteen

I've never done a Thursday Thirteen before, but I had seen a few other people doing them so I thought I would join in. I wasn't really sure if there is a set of rules for what you're supposed to post, so I'll just make something up...without further ado...

Thirteen random things that annoy me, disgust me, or I simply just dislike...

1. When people misuse your/you're or there/their/they're - I know there are people out there who just aren't good at grammar, but your first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth grade (and beyond) teachers ALL taught you the rules for knowing when to use which...really, they're not that hard to remember and it just doesn't make you look very smart when you use the wrong one.

2. Roast beef sandwiches - I am not a picky eater and if you know me, you know that I'll eat just about anything. But cold roast beef sandwiches make me want to vomit. Ew. Even the smell of them. Double ew.

3. Winters in Pennsylvania - enough with the cold already! Bring on the warmth!

4. Substitute teaching - so glad I don't have to do that for the rest of the year!

5. Driving - I hate driving. Really, really hate it. I once had a panic attack while driving actually. It was so scary. My hubby drives me everywhere around here except to the grocery store, work and the doctor's office (although he drives me there when he can, too). Living near all these aggressive Philly drivers doesn't really help calm my fears either...

6. Bad parents - when you want so badly to even have a chance at parenting and sometimes believe that it actually may never happen, it really saddens you when you see so many parents just not doing their job. I just want to adopt those poor kids, almost (see item #9).

7. When people use double-negatives. I know I'm coming across as a real grammar-police here, but if you tell me, "You don't know nothing," I'll just smirk at you, because you're SO right!

8. Lost - someone out there is going to crucify me for writing that (don't be hatin'), but I can't even stand to be in the same room when that show is on. I watched it for the first season, but I quickly realized that all those questions that you were wondering about from the first season are STILL unanswered & I can't take that...I want some answers, darn it! I'm actually not a fan of ANY shows that you feel obligated to watch every week for fear of not understanding subsequent shows. Sitcoms are more my style.

9. The phrase, "you can always adopt." - Thanks for reminding me that there are other options out there that I hadn't already thought of in my nearly-3 years of infertile agony. I realize that people say this with the best of intentions, but if adoption is such an appealing life choice, then why don't you do it for yourself? It isn't the sole responsibility of the infertile community to adopt all of the needy children in this world! I'm not saying that we never will adopt, because I think it is a wonderful thing to do (and we always talked about adopting in addition to having biological children), but this innate desire to bear and birth a child isn't going to go away through adoption & that's such a huge part of the heartache that accompanies this infertility journey...so please, don't minimize my longings and desires by thinking you're being helpful.

10. The little niblet of dried-up lotion that comes out the top of the pump. The texture of it grosses me out (I swear I'm not really this neurotic most of the time).

11. Answering the phone in someone else's house - unless I know that they're expecting an important call or they specifically ask me to answer it (because they're doing something else), I kind of prance around uncomfortably because I never know if it is socially acceptable to answer it or to just let it ring and go to voice mail. This even happens at work - unless I'm specifically asked to answer the phone, I continue to let it ring because there's about 5 phones in the place and I never know if someone else will pick it up.

12. Cilantro - it tastes like soap and I hate how cilantro-lovers make me feel un-civilized because my taste buds don't like the taste of soap. I'll eat just about anything else...leave me and my cilantro-hating tongue alone! ;)

13. And my biggest pet peeve of all is when people are at the busy gas station and they've finished filling up their car. Instead of getting into their car and pulling forward to let someone else have their spot, they quite rudely decide to leave their car parked while they go inside to do whatever it is they need to do. That really makes me so mad. I once talked about this with someone and they rebutted by saying that in some places, it is illegal to get back in your car if you haven't paid, but then I reminded them that most, if not all, gas pumps in our state are either credit-card or pre-pay only, which means that they have no excuse.

Thanks for reading about 13 things that really get my goat. What annoys you?

Works for Me Wednesday - make some $$$

This week, I thought I would write a bit about the way that I make a bit of extra spending cash around here. Over the course of the past year, I have so nerdily kept track (in an excel spreadsheet, no less) and discovered that I made approximately $600+ simply by participating in a few online research & survey sites. Some of them give you points for referrals, reading emails, answering trivia questions, filling out surveys, shopping online, testing products, or simply by completing free offers. My rewards have come in various forms, as well! In that $600 total, prizes have come in the form of cash (checks), restaurant & retail gift cards and, my newest addition, an Apple ipod shuffle!!! I won't bore you with the referral links here, but you will see that I have several of them set as widgets in my right-hand menu. Please comment with any questions you have and I'll be sure to do my best in answering them! I know it isn't a ton, but every little bit helps & it surely WORKS FOR ME!

My favorites:
MySurvey
Treasure Trooper
Big Crumbs
MyPoints
Memolink

PS - click on the WFMW icon to find a whole list of tips, tricks & ideas that work for others!

American Idol - Top 12 Finalists

To say that I'm a huge American Idol fan would be an understatement. It would also be an understatement to say that I used to be a HUGE fan of the Beatles, especially back in high school...I am still a fan now, but I'm not so obsessed with owning every album they ever made or anything like that...anyway, when I heard that American Idol's theme this week was going to be the Lennon/McCartney song book, I was pretty excited...and then they sang, and well...I was pretty disappointed. There were a few shining moments in the night (keep reading to find out), but in general, I was pretty bored & let down. They just didn't do those songs justice...The songs were either completely murdered, or BOOOORING...let me know if you agree...
We'll start with the shining moments and work our way down -
1. David Cook - What an awesome guy, an awesome song & an awesome musician. It is so cool that he stays true to who he is week after week, despite the changing genres and time periods.
2. Carly - I am definitely beginning to like her more and more each week. Last week was the first week that I actually started liking her, but she's got mad talent (I just had on my Randy Jackson costume! Could you tell???)
3. Brooke - I thought she looked beautiful & I love how open & raw she sounded...just her & the piano. Great song for her (she seems so earthy & natural).
4. Chickezie - He's such a cool dude and so entertaining to hear and to see. I love how Simon said he looked drunk (ok, so he did), but he said it with a completely entertained smile, which doesn't part from Simon's lips too often.
5. Syesha- I thought she sounded good, but she's easily becoming forgettable...there wasn't much in that song that could really showcase her voice.
6. Michael - I thought he was just OK - I read an interview with Randy Jackson this week where he was talking about the artists that are the "real deal" - he only mentioned Brooke, Carly, David A & Michael - I was kind of mad, because while I think he's a good singer, I think that David Cook is more musically talented all around.
7. Jason - I wasn't impressed. It's such a great song, but it seemed to sit too much on the area right between his upper and lower ranges, which made the singing really uncomfortable.
8. David Archuleta - I can't believe I have him way down here on my list. His problem was that he went into it with no confidence & it showed in every ounce of his performance...this was the first time that we really saw that he's only 17...I hope he improves next week because I'd hate to see him go. He is sooooo much better than he showed last night.
9. Ramiele - She's so cute and tiny & her voice is amazing, but the song was just boring. I think she stands a chance of going home this week.
10. Kristy - I thought that the song was a cute spin on a Beatles tune, but then, Beatles tunes aren't really meant to be cute...she couldn't keep up with the double-timed pace of it & it quickly fell apart.
11. David Hernandez - As soon as I heard the song that he chose, I couldn't believe my ears...of all the AWESOME Beatles songs out there, he chooses one that was re-done by an 80's bubblegum pop star?
12. Amanda - I just don't like her voice - I know some people think she's awesome, but the whole Janis thing just isn't my style.

Who might go home tonight? Ramiele or David H. are my guesses
My predictions for the top 6: Brooke, Carly, David A., David C., Jason, Michael

What's new?

I think at least 5 people in the past 5 days have asked me what's new with all this infertility stuff...and honestly, I hate when I have to tell them that pretty much nothing is new. I think that's what is so frustrating about this whole journey. You do SO much waiting and there's SO much down-time in between treatments that I think I can even hear my ovaries crying out to me about how old they're getting and how my egg supply is dwindling (my RE's words, not mine), but then when you are in the middle of a treatment cycle, the days seem to creep by even more slowly because you're living from one appointment to the next, hanging on every word of the nurse/doctor/ultrasound tech/embryologist/etc. telling you the good (or in my case, grim) news. The waiting game is slowly killing me. The good news, however, is that I spoke with the doctor's office last week about the overview of my new protocol & I'm excited about it (Lupron Flare Protocol, for those of you interested) & hopeful that it will do the trick for us. I started on BCPs last Thursday & will continue on those through April 13th, then about a week later, I'll start Lupron, then stims. I'll keep you updated on that as things (slowly) start to unfold.

In other news, God is Good! Ok, so that might not be news to some of you, but if you've read any of my previous posts, you will know that I am absolutely in love with my job, but seeing as how I work about 10.5 hours a week at a church, the pay is not exactly fantastic & Gregg has started to get a bit cranky & worried about our financial situation...which I suppose is reasonable since we do have a $12000 medical bill looming over us again in the near future, but I digress. Last week, I was down in our living room testing my fitness age on our Wii (34, not too shabby for this non-athlete) when I got a call from my boss at the preschool/daycare informing me that one of my co-workers (R) handed in her resignation that very day, effective March 28th, thus opening up more hours for me! She offered me a promotion, asking if I would consider becoming the summer activities coordinator (for the full-time daycare kids).

After weighing all the options, Gregg (yes, the one worried about the money) & I decided that it would be best if I didn't work full-time in the summer since it is really our only time to spend an extended period with my family (who live 3 hours away) and to vacation together. I spoke with my boss yesterday and worked out a new plan for both the remainder of this year, as well as next...here is how things will pan out...

• For the remainder of this year, I will be working Monday through Friday, 8:30AM to 5:30PM (with a 1 hour lunch break in the middle). I will spend the 8:30-12 time slot teaching my 4-year-olds on MWF, and R's 3-year-olds on Tues/Thurs. From 1-3:30, I will be working on putting the daycare kids down for naps, then planning for the summer program. From 3:30-5:30, I will be helping with snack and after-school activities for the school-aged daycare kids. That means that I'll be gone from approx. 7:45 to 6PM everyday...I know that housework & cooking will suffer, but if it makes my husband feel more at ease with the money situation (I've never been one to fret over money matters), then I'll make it work somehow.
• During the summer, I will probably fill in for the full-time daycare teachers when they have vacation time. This will allow me to at least post some income, but basically still have my summer off.
  
• As for next year, I will most likely be working 5 days a week from 7-12, helping with the before-school daycare kids, then teaching both the 3 & 4-year old preschool classes. I also spoke with my boss & she is totally ok with me keeping my name on the sub list at the local school district to work days where they can put me in the books ahead of time (like when the teachers have workshops or appointments), so that I have time to give her a heads-up and find a sub for me for the day. This will allow me to keep my name active in the school district & bring in a little extra income here and there.

So, in other words, God has been very good and has really provided for us in this situation. I know that it still isn't ideal in Gregg's eyes (he wants a second full-time teacher's income), but it will have to do for now, seeing as how I've applied in this area for 6 years and only ever had 3 interviews (and only one position came from that), despite my 3 years of full-time teaching experience since that time. Thanks for all your prayers! :)

Menu Plan Monday

Thanks for stopping by my blog today...this week's MPM is going to be a bit off & scattered since DH's sister is home on spring break, so we'll be eating a lot of meals at his parents' house this week so he can spend time with her (and playing her new Guitar Hero for Wii).

Here goes!!...
Monday - something at his parents' house (MIL just called to say we are having tacos...please take note to see what I had planned to make on Tuesday...hmph...)
Tuesday - tacos (see above...I think we'll try this chicken & rice recipe instead)
Wednesday - Colorful Hamburger Rice - Taste of Home magazine
Thursday - Family dinner @ Carabba's for MIL's birthday (belated)
Friday - pierogies w/ sauteed onions & salad

MPMs will begin to get interesting since I am going to be starting to work full-time, beginning at the end of March, through the end of May. I won't be getting home until almost 6 PM, so there's a good chance that you'll see much less "new" stuff & many more recipes that DH can get a head start on when he gets home from work (read: the extent of his cooking is tacos, sloppy joes & well...that's all I've seen him make).

Thanks for visiting my blog & be sure to check out my other posts & the posts over at the Ultimate Blog party (see the side-bar)!

American Idol - Top 8 Girls

We watched the girls tonight & here are our thoughts...

I just can't rank the girls this week - no one majorly wowed me, so I will split them into groups instead...

Good: Carly, Kristy, Syesha, Brooke, Ramiele
OK: Amanda
Probably going home: Asia'h & Kady

Sorry this is so short & sweet but the girls just don't do it for me this year. If I had to pick my favorite girl performance today, it would probably be Syesha, but Carly was pretty good, too.

Works for Me Wednesday - backwards!

Ooh - my second post for today! I wanted to write my American Idol update before it was too late, but I also want to get in on the backwards Works-for-Me-Wednesday...I'm not really sure what to ask for advice on today, so I am wondering if you could just leave me something inspirational for my day (and I promise to pay it forward!) - it could be an internet hug, a scripture verse, a favorite quote, or just something to brighten my day! Thanks for reading my blog & I hope you'll come back soon!

American Idol - Top 8 Boys

So I ended up going 2 for 4 in last week's predictions...I was correct in guessing that Alexandrea & Jason Y would go home, but I didn't guess that Robbie & Alaina (wow - never would have guessed that one) would go home. Let's see how the boys shaped up this week...

1. Jason - awesome - all I could think of the whole time that song was on was the part in Shrek where that plays in the background...I thought he did a great job & I was SO amazed when Simon said that it was one of his favorite performances all year! Wow!
2. David A. - wonderful - again - of course! I agreed with Paula (say what?) that it was somewhat refreshing to hear his voice squeak and go pitchy once in a while because it reminds us that he is human and imperfect! He's still my favorite!
3. David C. - I loved that he played the guitar & I thought he was great! Great song choice!
4. David H. - interesting song choice (Celine Dion) but he actually sounded good...did anyone else hear today that he has stripping & lap dancing on his resume? I guess I won't be too sad if he goes home then.
5. Michael - I thought his song choice was a good one for him, but he's sort of succumbing to the "forgettable"-factor a bit for me lately...his days are numbered.
6. Chickezie* - I thought he sounded great, but maybe a bit TOO serious...especially when you consider how funky & fresh most 80s music was...he could have done something really cool.
7. Danny - God taught me not to speak if I can't say something nice, so I will just say that I liked his pants.
8. Luke* - so.bad - George Michael is never a good choice.

As much as I would love to see Danny & Luke go, I know that Danny is being promoted on VFTW, so my bets this week are on Luke & Chickezie

It's Another Menu-Plan Monday!

Another week & another week's worth of meals to prepare, so here goes! Not too much extraordinary this week. Last week went really well & all the meals turned out great (with no complaining from the hubby!!).
Monday - homemade stromboli (I use frozen bread dough)
Tuesday - Ranch chicken tenders
Wednesday - Girls' Night & Wing Wednesday (for DH)
Thursday - Family night or tacos
Friday - fish dinner @ my parents' place

Enjoy!

American Idol - Top 10 Girls

Let's start by saying that you WILL NOT hear me go on and on about any of the girl contestants like I did about a certain boy contestant (I won't say his name or I might forget that I'm writing about the girls today & not him)...

I'll start by saying that the girls are MUCH more inconsistent than the guys...they've been pretty predictable (for the most part) as to who will be great & who will not. The girls are all over the board. Here is how we ranked the girls from last night...

1. Carly - this was the first that I actually liked her performance...I thought it was really good, but I'm still not "in love" with her.

2. Brooke - You're So Vain was the perfect song for her - she even looks like Carly Simon, doesn't she?

3. Ramiele - great song, but when I hear that song, I always think of Vonzell doing that in season 4 & there's just no comparison

4. Kristy - way better this week than last week - I liked her song, but I agree that she needs to do the country route - she and Alaina both remind me so much of Carrie Underwood (my favorite Idol winner!)

5. Kady - I thought it was WAY better than the week before, but I think she's one of the ones that stands a chance of going just because she hasn't really wow-ed anyone yet

6. Syesha - not a good song choice, hopefully she makes it through tonight

7. Alaina - not a good song choice, same as Syesha

8.Alexandrea* - Very poor song choice & way too safe, I think

9. Amanda - I thought she sounded & looked terrible last night...I was never sold on the rocker-chick image though...I agree w/ Paula that she looks so much better "natural" like we saw her when she was doing her little segment before the song.

10. Asia'h* - I agree w/ Simon - she's just not a very good singer...

It's a toss-up between the last three girls listed, but if I had to choose, I would say Alexandrea and Asia'h, just since I think Amanda might have a little more of a following of voters since she's got a "style" which the other two don't have...can't wait to find out!

American Idol - Top 10 Boys

I've decided to start a weekly blog on American Idol, since it is my one and only true obsession, aside from you know, getting pregnant or something like that... I'll tell you who I love, who I hate and who probably could have done better....let's begin!

I'll start with the best and work my way down because I might just not make it to the end if I have to go through nine other guys to get to DAVID ARCHULETA!!! He is just so talented and adorable, so let's start there, shall we?
1. David Archuleta - he's totally getting my vote for the guys, hands down, every week. I picked him to win at Hollywood & I don't think he'll disappoint. Check him out on youtube with his version of A Thousand Miles. Oh.My.Gosh - it's amazing! And I know I sound like a babbling little school-girl, but he's just that good...really.

And then there's all the other guys - THE END!

Ok, well because you decided to pop over and give me a little of your time & actually READ my blog, I can't really do that to you & leave you hanging, so the rest of the guys just get my abbreviated version. Keep in mind that this is the way I would rank them based on this week's performances alone...not factoring in previous weeks.
2.Chickeze - I didn't like his song last week & I really didn't like the suit, but this week, he rocked!
3. David Cook - He's cool & I liked his song choice yesterday...I don't know what Simon's problem was with him (I'm a big defender of Simon in most cases)...DH thinks that he just got under Simon's skin, which most ppl can't do...I don't know, though. I hope he sticks around.
4. David Hernandez - I didn't like the song, but he's got a great voice...and he's a gymnast! Go figure!
5. Robbie - they think he's not a rocker, but I really liked his version of Hot Blooded...it didn't have the same "Foreigner" vibe to it, but then again, David A's song didn't really sound like John Lennon's original either. I thought they were too hard on him.
6. Jason Castro - he was our 2nd favorite last week, but didn't do so great this time. I agree that he can't hide behind his guitar forever, but I didn't see how it didn't work for him yesterday.
7. Michael - I like him, but his song choice this week wasn't good...or at least he needed to bring it down a step or two so that he didn't sound like he was straining...he'll still be safe.
8. Danny - good singer, but, ahem...too feminine for my tastes, KWIM? If you can watch the end of last night's show again, notice how all the men are clapping in their big, manly slaps & he is jumping up and down like he's a cheerleader at a football game...ok, I know, that has nothing to do with his singing ability, but he drives me crazy!
9. Luke* - he's in an acapella boy-band? Hmmm...I just haven't been impressed so far. His voice sounds very whiny & nasally...in my opinion, Queen is too stylistic & shouldn't be sung unless they're forcing you to (remember Queen week a few years ago on AI?).
10. Jason Yeager* - forgettable...I can't even remember anything about him...except that he has a son who sits in the audience boo-ing Simon.

* - my predictions for going home this week! Check back tomorrow for a Top 10 Girls update!

Works for Me Wednesday

I've never done a WFMW before, so I thought I might give it a shot. In his quest to lose 20lbs by summer, I was on G's case a little bit about keeping track of what he's eating...it isn't so much that he eats JUNK (because honestly, I make the meals, so I know that's not true & I don't really buy junky snack foods either), but more so that he doesn't really think about what he's putting in his mouth & he doesn't know how bad some foods actually are for you! He stumbled across this website, called FitDay, which helps both of us keep track of our caloric & fat intakes & simultaneously compare them with our exercise & an approximation of what our bodies burn naturally according to our metabolisms. You can even input your weight goal & a goal date & it will tell you how much you need to lose per week in order to meet that goal. It's pretty awesome, totally free & IT WORKS FOR ME (us!)!

Menu-Plan Monday

Last week's menu choices went over really well. G loved, loved, loved the chicken & broccoli lasagna. The meatball sub recipe was EXCELLENT (we had leftovers for lunch on Saturday, since we didn't go to my parents' house due to weather, bummer). The pot roast was a great first attempt for me & the leftovers are actually part of a roll-over meal this week!

Sunday: Beef Vegetable Soup**
Monday: Cheddar Garlic Chicken
Tuesday: dinner with G's family
Wednesday: Steak Sandwiches
Thursday: Family Night with G's family
Friday: pierogies w/ onions maybe?

**I had never made homemade vegetable soup before until last night. I was nervous because G is a picky eater & doesn't really like anything tomatoey (although he did discover on Friday that he now likes tomato soup, so I think it's a work in progress). G ended up having seconds & asking if he could take it in his lunch this week...so I would say I did a good job! Here is what I did.

I sauteed diced carrots, onions & celery in the bottom of a big soup pot, in some olive oil, salt, pepper & some worcestershire sauce. While those were getting tender, I also started a pot to boil off some potatoes. Once the veggies were tender, I added into the pot the strained & defatted broth leftover from last week's crockpot pot roast. I also added in about two cups of chicken broth that I had on hand from making boil-in-bag rice for Sunday's lunch...just because I had it around & didn't want to waste it. Then I poured in a can each of diced tomatoes, corn, peas & tomato soup. I put the potatoes in once they were fork-tender. I was going to add some barley, but I thought it wasn't wise to push too many new ideas into G's food at once...so that will be for next time! It was a delicious soup! :)

A couple of new giveaways!

Just wanted to spread the word about a couple of new giveaways on From Dates to Diapers - there are two giveaways for photo announcements & beautiful hair bows! Check them out!

There is also one on Our Blessed Arrows for any item from their store. Sounds pretty good to me...now if only I were pregnant to be able to use something from there!

Infertility update

I figured I had better update on our situation, even though there isn't really much new news to share. I had my follow-up with the doctor last week and she was very kind, as usual, but didn't really offer me anything new. She outlined the new protocol that she wants me to try on this next attempt at IVF, which should be in April-May. I'm still praying to God that my body just doesn't like these past stimulating meds & that we just haven't figured out how to get these eggs out of me yet. She also is sending me for some "experimental" bloodwork to possibly give us a better idea of how many eggs I have left...just another way for us to cross-check what she's been suspecting. Which I suppose is a good thing, even if I am not ready to hear the results.

I also requested a copy of my records so that I can send them out for a second opinion consultation with a clinic in NJ. They do free phone consultations & I just need to hear someone else's professional outlook. Hopefully someone has some answers for me...and before we run out of money for this.

I'll keep you posted

Crazy Preschoolers

I love little kids. I love their cuteness, their innocence and their honesty...but most of all, I love the things they say...here was my day - don't you wish you were me?...(cast of Characters: Me, B (girl), and L (boy)

9:25AM - the kids had just finished their morning seat work. We did the pledge to the flag and bowed our heads for our "Quiet Happy Time with God" - B told me that we needed to keep her mom in our thoughts because she had just had surgery and just came home from the doctor...ok, that was super sweet and thoughtful...so we prayed for her.

10:30 - During a discussion of the letter Uu and telling time to the hour, B feels the need to again remind us of her mom's surgery (she's got a knack for relevance, huh?). I made the mistake of asking her what kind of surgery it was, to which B replied..."Well, you know the surgery that people have when they get all the fat sucked out of their bellies? That's what my mom had"

...well...I bet your mom is SOOOOO happy that you shared that information with us...Again, I reiterate, "Well, we will definitely keep her in our thoughts and prayers" Ok, note to self...never ask a question if you aren't sure you want to hear the answer...

11:30 - Dismissal time - it's just me, B & L waiting for their parents (or babysitters) to come pick them up. B says, "Hey Mrs. S, you know my mom's surgery? She didn't just get the fat sucked out of her tummy, she got it sucked out of her boobies, too" to which L replied, "Whoa - one time I saw my mom take off her boobies!"

Ok...I'm trying to be the mature adult here, but stifling a laugh was probably the hardest thing I did today. So I say something to the effect of, "um...no, your mom did not take them off because they don't come off, but we're not talking about this anymore because that is something private and we don't talk about things like that at school."

The moral of the story...watch what you do and say in front of your children...you never know what lovely tidbits they're sharing with their preschool teacher...

Menu Plan Monday

Here we are again already! Menu Plan Monday! Last week went pretty well, except my two meals that I was cooking at home turned into just one because I forgot about going out to dinner on Valentine's Day...The 40-clove garlic chicken was great, which I was thankful for since my MIL & SIL came over for dinner that night. It is very similar to another chicken recipe I've made in the crock pot before, which I will have to remember to post. So without further ado...

Monday - Chicken & Broccoli lasagna**
Tuesday - Pot roast with root vegetables (crock pot)
Wednesday - Girls' Night dinner @ a friend's house while DH is at Wing Wednesday with his friends (this is becoming a bi-weekly event for both of us, which I love!!)
Thursday - Meatball Sandwiches (crock pot)
Friday & Saturday - going to my parents' house for the weekend!

**I actually made the Chicken & Broccoli lasagna yesterday & we will be having the leftovers again tonight. Hubby pleaded with me to let him eat his up in our loft (where the Tivo is) because he was watching the tail-end of Daytona. I conceded. Five minutes after he started eating, he called downstairs (from his cell phone in the loft, to the kitchen phone) to ask why I had never made this before because it was so delicious. Hubs is a picky eater, so try this one out for all your picky eaters. The only thing that I changed was that instead of 2 cans of cream of chicken soup and 3 cups of milk, I did a full-size jar of alfredo sauce & a can of cream of chicken soup, plus 2-ish cups of milk. I didn't have 2 cans of cream of chicken. It turned out wonderfully!

It's Valentine's Day!

Ok, ok, so I know it's a completely cheesy, over-commercialized holiday, perpetuated by the greeting card companies, but I don't care! I love having a reason to give my loved one a little extra loving! That said, we're still pretty low-key around here. We usually tell each other that we aren't going to get anything for each other, or that we should just make something. Last year, I think I made G an Indianapolis Colts fleece knot blanket. That thing gets so much use around here (ok mostly by freezing cold me, but still), so functional is the way to go. This year, we decided that we would just go out to dinner and exchange cards (then he mentioned that flowers don't count as a "gift" which made me smile, because I do love getting flowers, even though G knows that I don't expect them). So, this is what I came home to when I walked in the door after work yesterday (G was off due to weather).

Roses, a card & Sour Patch Kids - does he know me or what?....and apparently he doesn't think I'm sweet enough, because there's also a bowl of sugar there....my mom really loved that part of the picture. (Ok, he didn't really give me the sugar bowl, but it did make me realize that I need to clean off my table a little bit.) Mind you, the Sour Patch Kids were wrapped in G's wrapping paper of choice, newspaper....but it did have an ad on it about Valentine's Day, so I thought that was pretty thoughtful. We went out for a nice little dinner at Carabba's & tonight, we will be going out with his family, since his parents' anniversary is tomorrow.

Consequently, we officially decided at dinner last night that next year, we will start celebrating V-day on the 15th instead of the 14th, since that's when we got engaged, 5 years ago!

Menu Plan Monday

On to happier topics, I've decided to jump on the menu-planning bandwagon, with numerous other bloggers through the Organizing Junkie's blog. I'm not sure how long it will last, but this seemed like a good week to start since I won't be in charge of too many meals at home due to crazy schedules this week.

So, here we go...
Monday - on our own (hubby has conferences at school, so he's eating pizza & I'm eating at his parents' house!)
Tuesday - 40 clove garlic chicken (crock pot!) & peas
Wednesday - Pot roast with carrots, celery & potatoes (crock pot again!) & salad
Thursday - Family dinner night w/ hubby's family
Friday - pizza
Saturday - hmmm - somewhere at the shore - Presidents' Day weekend trip!

Hopefully next week's will be a little more exciting! :) Thanks for stopping by!

Bloggie contests

Since I've won a couple of things, I've officially been bitten by the bloggie contest bug. I entered a few yesterday through another giveaway carnival- this one is called One World, One Heart, and the giveaways end on Valentine's Day. Some of the stuff was a bit too artsy-fartsy for my tastes, but I can honestly say that I appreciate the talents that God has given all of those wonderful artists! **let me add a disclaimer since I certainly wouldn't want anyone to think I was being judgmental...I am totally into people expressing themselves through art, but unless it has some function in my home or for a specific loved one, I didn't enter the contest, because it would be better enjoyed by someone else. That's all! I'm on a quest to declutter my life! Honest!


I've also found some awesome giveaways on Momsational. I told them I'd give them a little plug for all of their fantabulous contests, so here it is! I hope you'll go by and check it out...and I hope they're ok with me entering, even though I'm not yet a Mommy...heaven only knows that it's never too early to start a baby stash!! I would love to win the car-seat system!

There is also a giveaway on Sassyfrazz's website, which I also just entered! Cool stuff! I love these contests, but they're probably not the best use of my time, so I'll really have to limit myself!!!

Ok - maybe I'll do another post later today! I just wanted to throw those out there! :)

quick note...

I don't have anything new to update with today (I'm calling the new doctor tomorrow to see about scheduling a consultation), but I wanted to post really quickly to say that I won a second book through Shannon's Bloggy Giveaway over at Rocks in My Dryer - it is a book called the Reluctant Smuggler from Laura at Laura Williams' Musings. Thanks Laura!

I also wanted to post about the awesome giveaways for V-day on mod*mom's blog. Who knows - maybe I'll get lucky and win something to put in my "maybe baby" stash...aka the "in my dreams" closet...

Back in the swing of things...

Whew! That sickness really wiped me out, but I'm feeling back to my old self once again, thank goodness! Let's do an update, shall we? Good...I thought so, too...

Yesterday, I had to drag my butt out of bed at the crack of dawn to head to the doctor's office for stupid pregnancy bloodwork, which I already knew the outcome of. BFN! When AF showed up on Saturday, I immediately put a call in to the Dr. office because I thought it would be perfect...I already had to be there for my pg b/w & it would also be day 3 of my next cycle, so I could just call and get day 3 bloodwork added to what I needed to have drawn anyway & then I would be already started for the next IVF cycle...well, no such luck....somehow, even though I was the first person to be converted to IUI from the IVF-ers, I am still too late already? Grrrr that makes NO sense at all! So now, instead of waiting until March, I now have to wait until May...we were supposed to be doing our first IVF LAST May..and where has all of that waiting gotten us? Exactly...

To further add insult to injury, the doctor told me that I'm supposed to call her when the next AF starts...however, yesterday when I talked to the nurse, she had me schedule a follow-up to IVF appt and they couldn't get me in until MARCH 20th!!!!!! Well....that was the straw that broke the camel's back...I'm sick of this office and their stupid schedules. It isn't bad enough that the doctor is preaching to me that time isn't on my side and I have old eggs and that I need to be aggressive in my treatments, yet there is no wiggle-room in their dumb schedule to accommodate these kinds of needs - so these old eggs of mine will just be sitting around growing older...

So, I'm starting to put some feelers out about getting a second opinion and finding a clinic that has a more sensitive, caring atmosphere & who has a doctor who really seems like he wants to take the time to meet my needs and TRY to get us a baby....instead of our current doctor who has just never given me a vibe that she truly CARED about me as a person...all I really need is a little hope....

On a happier note, I won a book through Shannon's Bloggy Giveaway over at Rocks in My Dryer - it is a book called the Crossword Connection from Amy at Tiny Blessings. Thanks Amy!

God Bless & thanks for your prayers!
Teri

Sick as a dog...

I haven't updated for a while for the simple fact that I haven't really had much to say over the past week...and because I've been really busy. When I say really busy, I mean that as a relative term, of course. When you normally work part-time, 3 mornings a week, and you subbed 2 extra days, it feels pretty busy...I subbed for the 4-yr-old daycare teacher on Tuesday b/c she was sick. I had regular preschool Monday & Wednesday & then yesterday, I subbed for the 3-yr-old preschool teacher in the morning.

By the time preschool was over yesterday, I knew I was getting sick. I had that whole-body achy-cold feeling. I left the daycare as soon as possible. When I came home, I put on 3 shirts, 2 pairs of socks, slippers, and sweatpants...then I came upstairs and sat in front of a space heater wrapped up in a blanket. I was supposed to go to a meeting at the church, but I called and told them that there was NO WAY I was going to be able to make it...my mom kind of talked me out of going...moms have that way of taking care of you, even via IM, from 200 miles away.

Then, G came home from his b-ball game to find me sitting in a chair in the loft, in the dark, still wrapped up in my blanket. I took my temperature because he said I was burning up & it said 102.7 - nice. I popped a tylenol & then we went to his parents' house for dinner...I only ate half of my bowl of french onion soup. Now, I realize that none of you know me very well, but there's obviously something wrong when I don't finish the food that's placed in front of me...I love food - probably too much.

I also called in sick to work. This was probably the worst possible day to call in sick because today was a crazy, messed-up day at preschool. The kids were to be dropped off by their parents, who would then come back half an hour later to transport them to the planetarium for a field trip. After the program, the kids would be transported back to the preschool to do an art project with their parents as part of the follow-up to the trip....it would have been a crazy day for me, let alone the sub!! Here is where the blessings come...in the form of a snow day. Or more appropriately, a rain day. Apparently the weather was supposed to get bad, but the temperature never dropped, so it just ended up raining all day, so no one had school, and thus the preschool was closed also.

So, I'm now on the mend, but still not feeling the greatest. I'm just glad the fever and chills are gone. One sleepless night of tossing-and-turning is enough for me. Thank goodness G is a sound sleeper & I didn't keep him up.

Oh, and as my final comment on today's post, I will tell all of you lovely readers that I don't even think I will make it to beta day...I started spotting today :(

oh yeah...

Just to add to my previous post of random ramblings...I am extremely lazy. I wish that I weren't and I have absolutely NO motivation to work out EVER...especially in this cold weather. If anyone out there has any ideas for me (think cheap!) about how to get in a good workout, please let me know! I want to do some cardio, but I'm in pretty bad shape (despite my petite-ness)...workout suggestions, videos or anything are invited!! Please!!

nothing new

So I don't really have anything new to write about today...but I guess I will update (FINALLY) on the status of the insurance company debacle that's been going on for over a week now! I called the insurance company today and spoke with a very nice man, who seemed to be much more knowledgeable than the last person I spoke with. After re-explaining my situation to him & verifying that my birth control pills were NOT used for contracep.tion, but rather as part of a treatment, he put me on hold while he talked to pharmacy services. After just a minute or two, he nicely told me that they could retro-date my authorization 30 days prior to the authorization that I had already secured, which would take me back to November 17th; which means that I will at least get reimbursed for ONE of the times that I had the prescription filled. I didn't truly expect to be reimbursed for the ones that I got back in July, but of course it was worth trying and now I am just so happy to have it all straightened out. Now I know for future reference when I need bcp that I have to get them approved in advance...how in the heck would I know that anyway?

Otherwise, today was a pretty booooring day. I had work and the kids are good, but they are starting to drive me crazy...spring is in the air a bit early, apparently. I think that I have just been so patient all year, reminding myself that they are only 4, but now, my patience is running thin. I feel like they should be better at following directions or doing things that we have been doing ALL YEAR now. In hindsight, I think I'm a much better kindergarten teacher than a preschool teacher...maybe my expectations are just too high...or maybe I need to find a preschool that is more academically focused and less "cutesy, play-date" focused. I am a teacher, after all; not a ring-leader or a babysitter, which, at times, is what I think some of the parents would rather have. They are very into the social aspects of preschool, and are very concerned about doing programs, pageants and social get-togethers which, to me, don't seem to have much educational value...especially when you consider that all of these kids already know each other, and have play-dates with each other every other day.

But then I remind the parents (and myself) that I do know what is expected of these kids in kindergarten, since I've been there. I don't want them to get to kindergarten and have the teacher say, "Who in the heck was this kid's preschool teacher and why didn't she teach him anything?" I don't think it helps that this is a very "young" class and half of the kids won't be going to kindergarten next year anyway, but rather repeating a year of 4-yr-old preschool, or doing a 5-yr-old preschool program at another church/facility. That said, yes, maybe my expectations ARE too high...but I thought that same thing when I was teaching kindergarten, too, and look what happened at the end of the year...I had almost all of the kids reading and writing and TOTALLY prepared for 1st grade...and only one of the parents hated me at the end of the year. 1/43 isn't a bad statistic in my book.

Which brings me to another rant about not doing IVF this month...I was really hoping that this would be "it" for us & we'd be on board for an October baby which would mean that I would not be returning to work in the fall...now, while that still could happen, I'm not holding my breath on it. Do I look for a new (higher paying) job? Do I contently stay where I am even though the pay is rather insulting to me? In all honesty, I don't really want to go back to teaching in a public school district right now. The in-flexibility of it all just wouldn't work out with going to appointments, etc, and who knows how much longer I will need to be going to the doctor anyway. The stress of public schools is just too much on me. I guess I have a lot to pray about...

...and we wait

Our 6th (and hopefully final) IUI was yesterday. Despite the disappointing circumstances, it was so nice to have Gregg there with me and make me laugh during the 10 minute wait in the room, since usually, he goes to the office to make his deposit & then returns to work, then I show up at the office 1.5 hours later. We laughed and made fun of the cheesy Jim Brickman music that they played to "relax" me and tried to be as positive as possible about the outcome of this cycle. Afterall, as the dr. said, it "almost" worked last time...let's pray for a sticky baby.

As far as the future, I am feeling much better about things today. Based on the advice of some WONDERFUL online friends, I have begun researching facilities in order to get a second opinion. There is a highly regarded clinic in NJ that specializes in IVF. They have an online discussion forum through their website & actual doctors respond to your questions. I posted on the site about my situation (being referred to donor eggs) and the doctor replied quickly and very confidently that given my age and hormone levels, there is absolutely NO reason to jump to donor eggs at this point. That gave me lots of hope. Praise God that G is on board with this also...he sees the hurt in me and knows that we need to give this all we've got in order to see our dream of having our own child come to fruition...I won't be able to move on to other options (ie. donor eggs or adoption) until I have pursued every option that's presented to us. In addition, this clinic has an outcome-based program through which, if we qualify (I'm assuming we would based on age and health), we don't pay unless the IVF cycle is successful. To me, that makes such a huge difference and speaks volumes about their success rates and their devotion to their patients well-being. The Lord continues to provide opportunities and financial assitance, so we will continue to be faithful and pray.

Thanks for your continued prayers!

dark days

I know I have thousands of blessings in my life right now, but why do none of them seem to matter anymore? Once again today, the ultrasound tech was the bearer of bad news...after a doubled dose of the fertility meds from the last attempt at IVF, I didn't produce any more eggs than before, which tells me that I am dealing with diminished ovarian reserve....at the ripe old age of 27. I am absolutely devastated today...I was really hopeful about this cycle with being on the highest dose of meds and all..and now, well, I don't know that there's any hope left in me. For the second time now, we are forced to convert our IVF cycle to IUI (that makes IUI #6) and to hope for the best with the 3 eggs that I have in there. The doctor said that if this IUI doesn't work, she has one more medicinal option for us and then we may be faced with considering donor eggs...I feel like my entire womanhood has been stolen from me...

DONOR EGGS...a baby that wouldn't be my own biologically...will I feel better doing donor eggs at least knowing that I could experience pregnancy (which, for me, is probably the biggest part of the dream of motherhood)? Will I have to tell this baby that he/she isn't "my own?" Does it matter? Most of all, it just hurts to know that this beautiful union of marriage that G and I have formed will never be extended...my family genes may stop at me - and that tears me up inside.

Sorry for all the ramblings - i just can't even think straight today...I had to suck it up and put on a happy face after all this grave news because I had to go straight to work...God bless those kids for helping me to smile....but as soon as they left, I sat in my classroom and cried....it just isn't fair.

more insurance rants...

Since I've been ranting on and on about my insurance woes for two days, let's make it three. I still haven't figured out how to get my money back from the ins. co. for the bcp, but I am working on it...I may end up filing a grievance if they refuse to process a retroactive approval. Anyway, as I was browsing the coverage booklet for what things are and are not covered by our insurance, I found a page outlining various procedures that says "Assisted Fertilization Procedures - Not Covered"...and right below that, it says "Elective Abortions - 100% covered" - I almost fell out of my chair and cried...they will let us kill babies on their dime, but not make them...modern medicine at its finest, I tell you...This is one of those times that I wish G worked for a regular corporation instead of a school...with a regular corporation, you could just go to HR to lobby for IF coverage, but with a school district, everything would have to be taken up with a union rep...and convincing that person that IF coverage is something worthy of being added to a contract (when there's a possibility of going on strike if the teachers & district can't agree on which concessions to make) is nearly impossible...

Ok, I promise (maybe) that this is the last insurance rant for a while...

"Let go and let God"

I am now on a quest to "Let go and Let God" in regards to this whole IVF/baby/IF saga; therefore I have decided that I need to get today's newest frustration off my chest so that I can wash my hands of it and "let God"...sooooo, here's my next moan-fest about this money-hungry world that we live in...

A month or so ago, I was at the pharmacy picking up my birth control pills (bcp) for the start of this IVF cycle. I noticed that I had to pay for them, which was contrary to what the Dr's office (benefits coordinator) had told me that my insurance would cover...I was to pay for only the med. co-pays...I spoke with the pharmacist about it and he printed me off the receipts from that prescription and also the one in July, which I also must have unknowingly paid for. I called the ins. company about it and they told me that I would have to get prior authorization on bcp, since usually it is not covered (when being used for traditional birth control purposes). I had the dr office fill out a form for prior authorization, which was then faxed to the insurance company. I figured, in my naivety about insurance companies, that since the same doctor signed the authorization form as prescribed the meds, that they would just go ahead and reimburse me for those two prescriptions...after all, that was why I was going through all this trouble in the first place. About a week later, I receive a paper telling me that my bcp prescription would be covered for a year, starting on December 17th...which was the day the dr. had faxed the form over...

...so, another call to the ins. company...another time explaining my case...and this time, the woman tells me that I will need to fill out a Prescription Reimbursement form for the meds in question. Ok, that makes sense to me...now that the meds have been approved by the insurance, it seems reasonable that I should have to fill out this form, considering that they were purchased prior to the authorization date...so, I go through all the mumbo-jumbo of filling out the form and getting the pharmacist to sign it, yadda-yadda-yadda...

Lo and behold! Today, I get an envelope in the mail from the ins. company and I am feeling like today is my lucky day! A check for $60...nope, no such luck..."We're sorry to inform you that your claim has been denied!"

So...in other words....you approve a prescription for coverage after I already had to purchase it (I mean, I needed it after all) because you never bothered to let me know that it is only covered in special circumstances (which I have) and with special approval (which I also have). But you somehow expect me to know that I must have special approval for those special circumstances IN ADVANCE of knowing that they weren't even covered in the first place...are you still with me? good...me neither...sigh

Letting go and letting God...

as if my $12,000 wasn't enough...

I know, I know...there's no such thing as a free lunch, but gosh, I'm so freaking upset about this...I called the Dr office today because I have to go in tomorrow morning for a follicle scan & bloodwork, so I was wondering if while I was there, whoever did my bloodwork could just give me my AM shot of Lupron as well. The Dr. office calls me back and tells me that they can put me on the schedule at 7:30 (15 minutes before my ultrasound appt.), so that they can do my Lupron shot, but that there will be a charge of $30! I could not believe my ears - I mean, seriously, it takes like 10 seconds or less & the only reason that I don't want to do it is because I'm so scared of hitting a vein again...So it's not enough that I've already paid them $12K that we just DON'T really need to be parting with and they can't give me one little shot?! It's not like I'm asking them to do it everyday or anything...I'm so frustrated right now. It isn't that I can't do it myself...and I do understand that nothing in this world is free, but gee...when you're paying so much money OUT OF POCKET for a huge procedure like this, you would think that there would at least be a few little perks along the way. I'm sure this somehow comes back to the insurance companies or liability or something...

Fortune Cookie

I wanted to add a second post today because I just now finished eating my dinner (leftover Chinese from yesterday) and I opened the fortune cookie...it said: "Your present plans are going to succeed." I truly hope that is right...

this is truly amazing...

this was just sent to me today and it really is amazing...and it really hit home to me, especially since our pastor is doing a sermon series right now about "Answering the Atheist Attack". Next week's sermon, in particular, is supposed to focus on how Atheists claim that religion is nothing more than brainwashing a child into believing their parents' beliefs, instead of allowing them to make a decision on their own (which I think is a stupid claim, since isn't that how EVERYTHING is learned? Being passed down from one generation to another, but I digress...) Please, check this out! This girl is truly amazing!

Just call me HP...

...as in, the Human Pincushion. Let me tell you, these three shots a day are really kicking my butt. My only affirmation is that it WILL all be worth it in the end, but wow....The lupron in the AM hurts going in because the needle gets dulled by the bottle stopper when it gets drawn up, and the stims hurt just because of the sheer volume of liquid that's being forced into one tiny spot in my belly...and to have to do two of them is really uncomfortable. My MIL's been doing them, so that's nice, not having to worry if I am mixing & drawing it up right, or where to put the needle, but she even said today that it's been hard to find a new spot on my belly...especially when she's trying to avoid my bruise that's still lingering from over a week ago, when I hit a vein doing my own lupron shot. Just keep praying that everything looks good at the first follie scan on Wednesday.

A little inspiration for your day...

I saw this video and it brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat...
click here to watch the short movie

Always remember that you're always making a difference in people's lives...even the smallest gesture can brighten someone's day!

For once - a good day!

So, I woke up today when Gregg's alarm went off and I couldn't make myself fall back to sleep, even though I didn't have to get up for another hour and a half. I just had this ominous feeling of dread, like I knew that the inevitable bad news of today's appointment was looming over me. (I stopped bcp's on Sunday and AF never showed up, so I assumed the worst, that IVF would have to be postponed or cancelled). I think I did end up going back to sleep for about 20 minutes or so. I shuffled around the house as I was getting ready, mentally preparing myself for the worst. I drove over to Gregg's parents' house so that his mom could give me my shot and then I hopped in the car and left for my appointment...in case you aren't aware - I had been giving the shots to myself until the fateful day when I hit a vein and got a lovely purple-brown bruise to show for it...I decided that I wasn't going to be a martyr any longer...if someone was available to do my shot, I was going to let them...saves me the stress of wondering where to poke myself.

Anyway, a gamut of emotions and thoughts ran through me while I was driving to the RE's office. First, I got really depressed and mad that we were going to have ANOTHER cycle canceled because of my body's inability to cooperate...and then I took a deep breath and remembered what God has been showing me...that he will not leave me OR forget me...and that worrying over the situation wasn't going to change the outcome...if we were going to be canceled, I had no control over it...all I could do was to pray...so I prayed that God would take charge of the situation and bless it and make it good...at the time, I wasn't really sure how He could do that, but time would tell...

I got to the RE's office and went in for my ultrasound...the ultrasound tech said something that was like music to my ears..."your lining looks good and your ovaries are clear!" - yay! No cysts - and apparently, AF somehow did her business invisibly...the nurse told me that even if I did start to bleed, everything looked good for me to start stims on Saturday - I felt like a weight had literally been lifted off of my chest! I couldn't believe it!! All I needed now was for my bloodwork to come back normal...so I waited nervously until about 4:30 and when the phone call never came, I breathed a huge sigh of relief! I can't believe we get to move forward for IVF #2 - I am definitely coveting your prayers right now...the whole ride home, I thanked God for answering my prayer from the morning and for reminding me that worrying will not help the situation, only hinder my relationship with Him...

I go back for my first follie scan on Wednesday! We just have to make it to ER this time! WE just have to!!!

A whole year has passed...

...since the last time I wrote in this blog and I am SO happy to report that not a thing has changed....other than maybe being $6000 poorer and 10 times more calloused and bitter...yep, that's me right now. Just reading these old blog entries gets me teary eyed because I recount this past year in my mind and realize that we're not one step closer to being parents (unless you count a miscarriage as being closer) than we were back then...it really tears me up inside. What I wouldn't give to have back that innocence and hope of two short years ago...

And here I am, trying to cling to my faith in God that He DOES have plans for me and that somehow these troubled times are part of that plan, but it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel...and I know all the sayings..."Trials will only make you stronger," and "If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it." or "God does not have the capacity to leave you or forget you" - really, I've heard them all, but the truth of the matter is that most days I do not feel strong, I don't feel like God is helping me to get through these times and I do feel like He's left and forgotten me. If this is part of His plan, can I get an itinerary or something? Really, I feel like 2.5 years of waiting is a long time to be patient and just sit back, wondering where this crazy train ride will take us next, waiting on seeing a dream fulfilled...don't I at least get to have SOME idea of what's going on? Don't my feelings and the desires of my heart matter...last time I read my bible, I thought that they did...I thought that the Lord put those desires there...now, instead of rejoicing when other women's dreams of motherhood are fulfilled and sharing in their joy, I cringe when I hear that another friend, family member, acquaintance, or even the lady cutting my hair is pregnant...it kills me to be filled with such jealousy, but I don't know what else to feel. Happiness about any baby other than my own right now just seems impossible...

If anyone even reads this, please pray...I am going to try to be more diligent about dumping my feelings out here. Today is a particularly rough day...I think the Lupron side effects are setting in...I wish I could even force myself to say that maybe this time, it will all be worth it, but I am nearly out of hope...

Long time - no write...

I know, I know - I haven't written in forever...sorry - I don't even know if anyone ever reads this or not anyway. Not much has changed in the IF world. We did our 1st IUI (which failed) at the beginning of December & now we have to sit this month out because I developed cysts on my ovaries due to the clomid. We can't do another medicated cycle until the cysts are gone, or else we run the chance of increasing their size & rupturing them, which would cause even more problems! I really just pray that these IUIs would work...I know that God can work miracles, but I am feeling really hopeless now & really wonder what God is up to...It is just such a helpless situation. Well, I guess that is all that is on my heart right now - pray, pray, pray!

I feel like I only ever write in here when I am depressed, but oh well - I guess those are the times that I need to vent my feelings the most...anyway, today has just been a blah day. G & I went to Boston for the weekend with his parents for a little trip to see his sister play field hockey. It was a really nice, relaxing weekend, but I feel so horrible that I still can't enjoy this time alone with G because I am so overwhelmed with the fears of never being a mother and the overall grueling wait...I am so tired of waiting at this point. I just want a baby - I'm not asking to move mountains - I just want to start a family and be a Mommy and feel like I've done something worthwhile with my life. G really tries to make me feel like what I am doing is meaningful, but when you have wanted to be a mother forever & all you could think about all through college was finding that right man, settling down and starting a family, waiting those 8 years for all those first steps to happen seems like long enough - I don't want to have to wait years and years for my babies to come. I just can't stand this kind of pain anymore. I really, truly hate life right now. :(